Welcome to your new Bennifer only waaaay less famous.  Bargain Basement Bennifer.  Criss Angel and Holly Madison appeared last night at the Bull Rider’s Night at LAX Nightclub hosted by Jewel and her very unattractive husband Ty Murray.  I think Beet and I should just get some template posts saved because Criss and Holly will be appearing everywhere wearing coordinating clothes and tonguing each other for the paps.  I don’t know what these two have even done to propel themselves to the dizzying heights of Z-list fame .  I admit to not following Criss Angel too closely, but doesn’t he stand on city sidewalks and like, spontaneously exhibit stigmata and shit like that?  And Holly fucked Hef which makes her um…a peroxide honey with some implants and a dream. 

This is your textbook crash and burn.  Sure it’s all good now with his hickied (hickeyed?) neck and her calloused knees but I predict they will be full-on for six months or less and end badly.  And before you all start with your “why so negative?” campaign, here is some optimism:  I predict fellow Playmate Kendra Wilkinson’s upcoming marriage will last two years.  So there.

Ohhhhhhhhh, shit.

Is this for real or just a way to really piss off Hef?

In an interview with People magazine, Holly confirms her relationship with the “illusionist,” and says that “I’m in love with him.”

Seriously, what is Criss Angel packing in those magic pants of his? He’s scoring every hot chick in Hollywood these past couple of years. So bizarre.

Here’s a bunch of pics of the two of them out together at a screening of Repo! The Genetic Opera in Vegas last night.

My restless nights can end.  Criss Angel and Holly Madison are a confirmed couple.  On the opening night of his show Criss Angel Believe by Cirque Du Soleil , Criss told People Magazine “This is one of the most special evenings for me in my life and I can not think of a more beautiful person, a more special person, inside and out, than Holly to spend it with.”

I’m glad he’s happy in his personal life since word is that his show is unBelievably bad.

Below are other Z-listers that went to the opening night in Las Vegas

She may not be attached to Hugh Hefner anymore, but Holly Madison is getting out in front of the cameras every chance she gets.

It’s nice to see her using her fame-whoring for promote a good cause, though, even though her fashion sense is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Here’s Holly at AIDS Walk LA on Sunday.

A very interesting interview with Holly Madison in the print edition of InTouch this week, which the kids at Celebitchy have so kindly transcribed for me to copy.

Was Hef mad at you for revealing you had split?
I think he’s upset. There were a lot of people - not just Hef - who wanted me to pretend we were still together for the sake of the show. I tried to do that for a few weeks, but I couldn’t live like that.

Did you really love him?
I devoted 100 percent of myself to Hef the whole time we were together.

Were you trying to get pregnant?
We tried for me to get pregnant by in vitro fertilization, because it wasn’t going to happen the old fashioned way.

Did you have any success with the fertility treatments?
When the IVF didn’t work out after months of giving myself injections every day and feeling horrible, the clinic informed me it wasn’t possible because he was too old. I feel they were just after my money because they knew there was a 99-percent chance it was impossible.

Holly also weighed in on the new girls in the mansion:

Hef has moved on.
Yeah, Hef’s always looking for younger women. I’m 28 years old and I feel like I need something more in life, so that’s probably why he’s with some really young girls. They’re just looking to have fun, I guess.

How do you feel about being replaced so quickly?
I worry about Hef. He’s vulnerable emotionally and I worry about girls taking advantage.

Dude, if Holly’s telling the truth, that means Hef actually was willing to let her have his baby … which is total insanity. I kind of don’t believe Hef would be involved in something like that.

Anyway, I do have a soft spot in my heart for Holly, and I hope there’s a happy ending to her story.

Playboy hottie Holly Madison celebrates her newfound singlehood by … dressing like a 14-year-old?

Everything about this is wrong, but mostly I’m concerned with the sweater tied around her waist.

Are you, like, allowed to do that after middle school’s over?

I think they issue fines for that sort of thing in Los Angeles.

I’m just going to copy/paste this whole article, because it’s all awesomeness:

It’s really over.

Hugh Hefner confirms he and Holly Madison are no longer.

“If she says it’s over, it’s over,” Hefner tells me. “But like I’ve said before, she is the love of my life, and I expected to spend the rest of my life with her.”

The Playboy mogul says the relationship started to crumble about six months ago when they learned he was unable to father a child with Holly.

“With my sperm count, it’s not possible,” Hefner explained. “I was willing but it was not possible … She’d like to be married and have children, but it’s not in the cards here for me.”

Where does that leave the other two Girls Next Door, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt?

Hefner says they’re still romantically involved, but admitted, “the relationship with Kendra will be ending when she moves out, probably by the end of this year.”

Hef ain’t wasting anytime getting back in the saddle though.

In the last week, he’s been spotted with 19-year-old twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon (pictured above). “They very much want to be girlfriends and now under the present circumstance, they probably will become my girlfriends,” Hefner says.

And they’re not all he has to look forward to.

A college senior from Georgia whom Hefner identifies as Amy Leigh Andrews is also waiting in the wings. “She was testing here this past weekend,” Hef says of the centerfold wannabe, “and she said she’d like to be a girlfriend, too.”

The 82-year-old Hefner laughed, “I’m dancing as fast as I can.”

Oooh, a whole new group of Girls Next Door!

This is so totally like SBTB: The New Class. Except with way more sister-on-sister action.

I’m actually really sad about Hef and Holly. I think they honestly were in love, and it’s too bad Hef never thought to freeze his damn spermies.

Well, sorta …

From her MySpace blog, just posted today:

What’s Going on . . . .
Current mood: lonely

Hef and I care about each other immensely and will always be best friends . . . I do have my own place, but I am still at the Mansion, too, right now . . . I’m too busy to move even if I wanted to! hahaha . . . Bridget, Kendra and I are all still best friends and plan on doing several projects together in the future . . . even though Bridget is in Europe right now and I am sad and lonely without her . . .

You will see how it all happens in Season 5 . . . Sunday nights on E! . . . How lame, I just turned that into the most shameless plug ever . . . lol!

Love-Holly

But her status is still listed as “In a Relationship.” An oversight? Or is there some truth to all those Criss Angel rumors? Hmm …

Also: Are all the girls breaking up with Hef? If not, who’s the main girlfriend now??? Bridget??? Kendra??? Someone new entirely? Oooh, I simply MUST know!