The Hills is coming back, kids, and I can’t wait!!!

The trailer premiered tonight, and it looks like season three has everything:

Lauren, still with headbands and adorable facial expressions! And she’s dating like a guy! And kissing foreigners!

Heidi! Now with lighter eyebrows!

Spencer! When you need something to help you throw up that pizza you shouldn’t have eaten, he’s still the next-best thing to your fingers!

Whitney! Now with an actual storyline!

Audrina! Still with no actual storyline!

And making a return this season:

Brody Jenner, sticking to the good-looks-with-no- personality-to-complicate-it M.O.!

Jason Wahler, back from rehab! And back in Lauren’s life!!!

And if you’ve been jonesing for some good old-fashioned Heidi/Lauren conflict, there appears to be a fantastic “You know what you did” scene. Someone’s been taking lessons from Paris Hilton …

The Hills premieres August 13 on MTV.

I’m sorry but seriously Heidi Montag…those boobs are a bit too much. I am all for the boob job. There are many celebrities that go out, get themselves some natural looking fakes and really it doesn’t hotten them up a bit. Heidi, in true reality-vixen fashion, has gotten herself boobs that are wayyyy to big for her little frame.

She is very into having her new boobs photographed quite a lot. I don’t know who cares enough to show up on a beach and take her picture but it keeps happening over and over again. I really can’t wait for her “album” to come out. I bet she is a REALLY good singer.

For more pictures of her big plastic boobies click [here]

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are using their “relationship” to attempt to hold onto their reality TV fame. According to Celebrity Babylon, Montag and Pratt are using their sham relationship to make money off various photo opportunities. Do you really think that paps just randomly find them frolicking on the beach and enjoying romantic meals together. Ugg, gag me with a spoon.

It was all so romantic, The Hills stars Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag getting engaged in idyllic Santa Barbara, Ca., with the waves of the Pacific Ocean crashing around them only 8 months after they hooked up. But wait! What’s that? It’s a manager with a contract in hand, the dirtiest deal in Hollywood, the romance is a publicity stunt to make the two cover-worthy magazine stars and generate a significant side income! That’s right, Celebrity Babylon has learned EXCLUSIVELY that the engagement between Pratt, 23, and Montag, 20, is a FAKE, as fake as Montag’s new chest! “It’s an arrangement that suits both of them,” says an MTV insider, “they won’t be walking down the aisle, they will go through the motions of planning a wedding, and then have a big break-up that will get lots of press. All caught on camera by photographers, of course.” It’s a lesson in profile raising publicity that Pratt learned at the knee of pal Brody Jenner, 23, who is widely believed to wooed childhood friend Nicole Richie, 26, after her engagement ended to DJ AM (Adam Goldstein), to raise his profile.

Heidi I guess thought the boobs were going to make her famous on their own but alas she had to get engaged to make people actually care about her. I hope LC doesn’t hang out with this loser anymore.

With Jason Wahler busy getting arrested left and right, his regular court dates interrupted only by brief stints in rehab, and Heidi’s relationship with series star and Pratt nemesis Lauren Conrad essentially non-existent, what on earth is Spencer Pratt going to do to get some screen time in season three of The Hills? Oh, right. He can propose to Heidi Montag. So he did.

Spencer, 23, proposed to Montag, 12, at Bacara in Santa Barbara on Tuesday night. A source says that “she said ‘yes.’ She’s over the moon!”

He proposed with a diamond-encrusted platinum band with a pink stone, which he purchased on Monday in Brentwood. A witness at the store says that “she was trying on tons of them and they looked really happy!” What? You think Heidi would let someone else pick out her engagement ring?

Well, if nothing else, this most recent turn of events should help expedite their inevitable split.

Seriously I don’t know who this Spencer Pratt guy thinks he is but LC is wayyyyy cooler than he will ever be. Remember Spencer, she was the famous one that got you on TV in the first place. From what i’ve heard your has-been ass has not been able to get in the clubs lately. Wonder why. Here is a telling exerpt from the Spencer/Hedi US Weekly interview.

Us: Spencer, did Lauren’s split from your pal Brody Jenner makes things tricky?

Pratt: “Lauren couldn’t get into clubs before she met us! We were her ticket to Hollywood. As soon as the double dating stopped, she was out. She has trouble being the third wheel. That’s what she was when Brody didn’t want to keep seeing her.”

I’m not going to go into the fact that Hedi’s alibi is the fact that she was in the hospital because she had just gotten her boobs and nose done. Trying to compete with Spencer’s Playmates are we? I love LC, I hate these two doucebags…they are on the fast track to VH1’s “Celeb” Reality.

After the season finale of The Hills, the ever-diligent folks over at Radar Online took it upon themselves to call up Heidi Montag’s mother in BFE, Colorado, and get her take on Heidi’s current situation. She swears that Heidi and Lauren are still the best of friends, Spencer is really a very good guy and Heidi is a very smart and responsible young woman who will soon release an album — to which she has written all the lyrics. OMG I can’t wait. If this album ever sees the light of day, I will honestly be the first in line. It will be hilarious.

And, look, I can tell you from experience that if anyone has a strong grasp on the life of a 21-year-old girl living in L.A., it’s her mother living in another state. Lord knows I told mine everything, with total candor. Except for anything that might upset her, worry her, interest her, or in any way motivate her to stop sending me money, or, God forbid, come out to visit. You can read the entire interview here, but I’ve picked out some highlights.

On Spencer: Heidi and Spencer are all about the show. Spencer has given quite a lot of himself to MTV, and they aren’t afraid to put themselves out there. But he’s not a bad guy at all—that’s all in the magic of editing. In fact, he adores Heidi and waits on her hand and foot, and she’d be with nothing less. Of course now it looks like, ew, why would you pick a slime bag over [Conrad], America’s sweetheart? But it’s not the reality. If things were the way they looked on TV, I would come to L.A. and take Spencer out myself.

On Heidi’s fame: No one is surprised. Even as a little girl in a small town she had this energy that has followed her. She took acting classes—not that The Hills is acting!—and would always want to be more grown up. We would let her carry glasses of wine around the house, but they would always be on her nightstand untouched the next day. She just liked the feeling of being older.

On Heidi’s future: As you know, she is recording an album and writing her own lyrics. And she has such a pretty little voice, I think it will be good. The third season is going to revolve more around that, I think. Spencer is helping with the record because he has connections, but if they broke up tomorrow, she would still be able to go on with the connections she has made out in L.A. Really, if you dropped Heidi off in the middle of nowhere she would still be happy.

Steve-O urinates in public for the first time this year. [Celebslam]

Naomi Watts is preggers. [Perez]

Ryan Phillippe’s new girlfriend is 18-year-old Nikki Reed, of Thirteen fame, which is, ironically, their approximate age difference. [Cele|bitchy]

Eminem is reportedly set to marry Kim Mathers for the third time. They say third time’s the charm, so maybe this go-round he’ll actually kill her and we can be done with this crap. [Agent Bedhead]

Fergie continues her spelling bee of a solo career with the new video for “Glamorous.” [Bree]

Welcome to Famous, Heidi Montag. Leave your clothes at the door. You know, on the hook right above your dignity. [Pop on the Pop]

Maybe if Anne Hathaway ever emerged from her crypt and into the sunlight she wouldn’t be so depressed. [ICYDK]