I got an email alerting me to this song, and at first I thought it was some sort of joke.

It does not appear to be a joke.

Heidi Montag and Britney Spears have released a duet. It’s called “Dramatic.”

How appropriate.

Listen here.

It’s here.

Enjoy.

Heidi and Spencer showed up at the premiere of Cloverfield, looking very much the couple, and a certain ring is back on Heidi’s finger.

Is this a publicity stunt???

So we have our first look at the shots from Heidi Montag’s revealing photo shoot for Maxim magazine.

Booooooooooring.

Look, I’m a straight woman (except for being a little bit gay for Blake Lively), but I know good sex when I see it, and this photo shoot is a total snore. She’s half-naked, yes, but these photos are completely devoid of anything sexy or in any way intriguing.

I bet this girl’s a total snoozefest in the sack. I bet she just lays there and watches her fake tits (barely) bounce around and occasionally mutters, “Oh my God, I am so hot.”

Go away, Heidi.

Good.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE SPOTLIGHT, HEIDI AND SPENCER!!!!

JAMIE-LYNN SPEARS IS PREGNANT.

You don’t matter today, Heidi, or ever.

Says Montag,”We’re just going back to being boyfriend and girlfriend…” as Pratt interjects without mockery, “…when our relationship was flawless.”

So where is Montag’s engagement ring? “I turned it into a pendant,” she says. “It wasn’t my dream ring. I don’t like what it represents. I might sell it.”

A pendant.

How very Carrie Bradshaw of you.

Also: this photo is so ridiculously airbrushed.

The engagement that never was now isn’t.

Sources at MTV are saying Heidi and Spencer have called off their faux-gagement.

So, um, now that he’s not a family man, can someone please put a hit out on Spencer? Come on, MTV. For sweeps week? Please?

“I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with all the drama. I mean, it’s fun to watch, but I’m glad it’s not my life. I’m actually a drama-free person.”

Heidi Montag, to Blender magazine.