She may be a fashion-school drop-out, but that’s not gonna stop Heidi Montag from releasing a fashion line. Being totally unqualified has never stopped Heidi Montag from doing anything at all.

From what I can tell, the line’s going to be a lot like Lauren’s, except totally devoid of fashion and class.

You know how I know that?

It’s being sold exclusively in Anchor Blue stores.

The collection is designed to cater to girls between the ages of 16 and 21, with pieces such as brightly colored cotton jersey dresses, graphic tees, oversize handbags, evening clutches and gold, silver and zebra print jewelry.

The line is slated to launch in Anchor Blue stores Apr. 15, with items priced between $10 and $60.

Zebra-print jewelry? Jersey dresses? Oversize handbags? I’m overwhelmed by the creativity.

I really can’t wait to see the graphic tees. I hope they have fun, creative, witty, in-your-face slogans on them. I hope they say things like “Bitch” and “Princess” and “Math Sucks” and “I Like Boys” and “College Educations Are Overrated” and all the rest of the messages we so desperately need the young women of this nation’s middle class to identify with. Oh, I hope so.

It looks like that’s the case.

In a new interview with Us Weekly, Spencer says that “Kristin made it all happen. She said to me, ‘I know this girl who’s so hot and perfect for you!’”

My God, it’s a giant plot to ruin Lauren Conrad’s life.

I still love you, Lauren!!!!

Heidi also goes on and on about how she and Spencer are having “ups and downs,” ostensibly because he “cheated” on her, although she adds that “Spencer and I may differ on what it means to cheat.” Heh. Spencer probably gave a radio interview without Heidi there or something awful like that. You know this girl cares way more about famewhoring than she does about any dude.

Oh, Heidi, this is terrible timing.

Just when I’m getting ready to lay into you good over that godawful Britney Spears duet, news broke that your stepbrother died on Thursday.

So I’d say you’re getting off easy, but something tells me there’s nothing easy about this.

Heidi’s stepbrother, a veteran of the war in Iraq, died last week in a freak accident, when he fell off an icy roof in Colorado. He’d been discharged from the Army just a month ago.

Heidi released the following statement:

“Losing my brother, at an early age is such a tragedy. I just loved him more than anything. He was just so patriotic. He really wanted to go to and help and do all that he could for his country. He felt like it was his duty. I’ll really miss him.”

My thoughts and prayers are with Heidi and her family.

I got an email alerting me to this song, and at first I thought it was some sort of joke.

It does not appear to be a joke.

Heidi Montag and Britney Spears have released a duet. It’s called “Dramatic.”

How appropriate.

Listen here.

It’s here.

Enjoy.

Heidi and Spencer showed up at the premiere of Cloverfield, looking very much the couple, and a certain ring is back on Heidi’s finger.

Is this a publicity stunt???

So we have our first look at the shots from Heidi Montag’s revealing photo shoot for Maxim magazine.

Booooooooooring.

Look, I’m a straight woman (except for being a little bit gay for Blake Lively), but I know good sex when I see it, and this photo shoot is a total snore. She’s half-naked, yes, but these photos are completely devoid of anything sexy or in any way intriguing.

I bet this girl’s a total snoozefest in the sack. I bet she just lays there and watches her fake tits (barely) bounce around and occasionally mutters, “Oh my God, I am so hot.”

Go away, Heidi.

Good.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE SPOTLIGHT, HEIDI AND SPENCER!!!!

JAMIE-LYNN SPEARS IS PREGNANT.

You don’t matter today, Heidi, or ever.

Says Montag,”We’re just going back to being boyfriend and girlfriend…” as Pratt interjects without mockery, “…when our relationship was flawless.”

So where is Montag’s engagement ring? “I turned it into a pendant,” she says. “It wasn’t my dream ring. I don’t like what it represents. I might sell it.”

A pendant.

How very Carrie Bradshaw of you.

Also: this photo is so ridiculously airbrushed.