Everyone’s getting their sisters in on the action!

Stephanie Pratt started showing up on The Hills last season, and it looks like Holly Montag — who’s Joe Francis’ new assistant — will be showing up THIS season. She’s started to pop up on red carpets next to Heidi.

Sisters are totally this season’s hottest accessory. They’re the new baby!

Who’s the hotter Montag sister?

Joe Francis’ new assistant?

Holly Montag, sister to Heidi.

“His last assistant quit,” said our insider. “And Joe aggressively sought out Holly to work for him.” Another source told us, “She’s running his life.” Francis - who will do battle on “Celebrity Apprentice,” and might also appear on “The Hills” this season - told us, “Holly is fantastic, probably the best assistant I have ever had.”

Man, can we please do a reality series about being Joe Francis’s assistant? Does it just involve responding to subpoenas for him all day?

Perhaps most interesting, before I found the picture above of Heidi and her sister Holly, all searches for “Holly Montag” resulted in photos of Heidi before she was well-known. And I was like — “Holy crap that girl’s had a lot of plastic surgery.” You don’t notice it as it happens slowly, but when you look back — this photo was taken in August 2006, just two years ago — you’re like “Dayum.”

Maybe in the comments section we can try to identify all the procedures she’s had.

Who directed this shit? Spencer? Probably.

There’s nothing really to say about this, except for that it’s a kind of pathetic ploy by Heidi to get some attention for her unspeakably crappy new “song,” and it’s really kind of tragic that it’s actually working.

I got to 1:39 before I had to stop watching. See if you can beat my time.

You know, every now and then, something will happen that reminds me that I’m getting more mature. Like, I’ll carry the trash bag all the way to the trash chute, instead of just setting it in the hall outside my apartment and trusting that someone else will get so sick of the smell that they’ll take it to the trash chute for me. When I tell people I’m going to the gym later this afternoon, it’s the truth. When my cats are crying because they’re hungry at 6:30 in the morning, I get out of bed and give them food, rather than grabbing the water gun off the bed stand and shooting at them until they shut up. And, in the ultimate proof that I am becoming a full-fledged adult, I no longer care about The Hills. It’s true. I don’t watch it and I don’t want to. Every now and then I get a little pang of guilt about it, but it quickly passes. I really didn’t care at all about The Hills‘ season premiere on Monday and I’m not afraid to admit it.

But here are the pictures. Because I don’t think I’ll ever get old enough that I don’t want to look at other people’s dresses.

Also: Did Heidi get her lips done recently? Yes or no?

“I think that maybe Lauren is tired of [being on the show], but we’re just beginning. We’re not even remotely sick of it.”

Heidi Montag, without even a hint of irony, tells Ryan Seacrest on his radio show.

OMG.

It’s like, if you sat down to write the worst song ever, you probably couldn’t come up with anything even remotely as bad as this.

Heidi’s put out some pretty sub-par material in her quest for success on the charts, but this is a new low. It gives you a whole new appreciation for the brilliant material we see from the likes of Ali Lohan and Ashlee Simpson. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard a worse song in my life. And I’m counting, like, the little ditties my five-year-old cousin makes up about her shoes and her dolls and her boogers. Those songs are better than this one. It’s an aptly named song, in that it makes you want to reach for a needle. Anything to block out the memory of this godawful song. Listen at your own risk.

Honestly, when I first heard that Heidi and Spencer were planning on making a trip to Iraq, I was like “As a weapon?”

Are they just going to annoy the living daylights out of the enemy? Explode heads with the sheer force and relentlessness of their egos?

No, no.

Actually, Heidi plans to sing for the troops.

“My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq,” she said in an interview. “It’s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.”

And they’re somehow dragging Meghan McCain into this mess, too.

“She’s very sweet,” Spencer said. “I think Meghan McCain is helping organize Heidi and our Iraq trip. Her dad definitely has some pull with the military. I think she’s going to put that together for us.”

Jesus Christ, how funny would it be if Heidi and Spencer single-handedly destroyed the John McCain campaign? Like, “Yeah, I was gonna vote for him, but if he’s gonna help promote Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, he clearly doesn’t have a clue about what’s in this country’s best interest.”

Also on the Speidi agenda: a video game. Yeah, you read that right. “It’s top secret,” Spencer says. “Get ready. All your wildest dreams are going to be in it.”

Oh, I hope so. I hope it’s a first-person shooter game. And I hope the targets are Heidi and Spencer. I would buy that game.

Pictured: Heidi Montag and Meghan McCain (John McCain’s daughter) lunching together in Santa Monica.

There are no words.

I’m just scared now.