“Like I’ve always said: Heidi’s hair and makeup people are some of my favorite homosexuals on the planet, and if they want to marry each other, I’m not about to be like, ‘Don’t.’”

The sage and ever-eloquent Spencer Pratt — a staunch Republican — discusses Prop 8 during an interview today.

As for Heidi’s take on it?

“I’m very for equal rights,” she said.

See? This is where Spencer and Heidi come in handy. When you need someone to really reach across the aisle and connect with the morons. Spencer and Heidi speak moron fluently, and, if that can help a cause I care about, I’m all for it.

Hey remember how Britney Spears did a couple of episodes of How I Met Your Mother and everyone was like “That’s stunt casting! This is a ridiculous ratings ploy!” and the producers were all like “We would never do that! How dare you?”

Yeah.

Guess who’s filming their guest spots on HIMYM this week?

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.

“We can confirm that Heidi and Spencer will appear on the show,” cocreator and executive producer Craig Thomas says. “But we can’t give away anything specific about the episode. All we can say is that they play themselves, and one of them is the Mother.”

Holy Jesus if these two submit their names for Emmy consideration, like Britney did, I’m just going to boycott the whole world forever.

Oh, so sad.

It looks like Heidi Montag’s “fashion” line, Heidiwood, has been discontinued by Anchor Blue. However, it’s not a result of poor sales; Anchor Blue is “moving in a different direction” and is expected to close around 40 stores across the U.S in the coming months.

Heh. They’re moving in a direction AWAY from Heidi, which is exactly what I would do, too, if I saw her on the street.

“Since dating Spencer, Heidi’s whole mentality has changed—everything has changed. It’s almost indescribable. You almost had to have known her to know what I’m talking about. But I’m telling you, she’s completely different. She’s done a total 180, and I think it’s so sad.”

Jordan Eubanks, Heidi Montag’s totally unbiased ex-boyfriend, handing out soundbites at the Fallout 3 launch party last night.

Question: Is there anything in the universe more obnoxious than a logo-bearing Fendi belt?

Maybe a logo-bearing Fendi scrunchie?

I’m just not sure.

Heidi Montag at the Reality Check Challenge for Global Hunger at Taco Bell in LA.

I think it’s bedtime. It’s hard to focus on the screen. That color did something strange to my eyes.

Hey, do you guys remember when I had, like, my little nervous breakdown at the beginning of this year? I mean, even before Charlie died and all that and I was just out of my head fucking crazy and going through some really rough shit and it sucked hardcore? Yeah. This is the color my hair was back then. I distinctly remember wandering into the hair salon through my haze of crazy and being like, “I want it white. I want it to have no color left.” And the poor stylist was like, “Oh, sweetie, let’s talk about some nice highlights instead,” and I was like, “Listen to me. I want my hair devoid of color. Strip it of everything,” and she begrudgingly did it, shaking her head the whole time. It turned out looking a lot like this. I don’t know why I felt this need to have my hair scream “trashy stripper” at that point in my life, but I did. It just felt necessary. Fuck, if that shit had happened a year earlier, I would’ve probably just shaved my whole damn head, but, at the time, people would have been like “Ugh, total Britney wannabe.” Anyway, in my mind, this shade of hair color will always be called Emotional Breakdown Blonde. Someone alert Clairol.

It’s weird to think that shit went down less than nine months ago. It’s mind-blowing how much my life has changed since then. How that person and that life is a distant, fading memory already. Like it all happened to someone else.

And even just today. I was so sad this afternoon — it felt scary and limitless. And then I talked to some people I didn’t expect to talk to and said some things I didn’t expect to say and did some things I didn’t expect to do and, over the course of a few hours, the way I felt changed so drastically. I’m fine now. I’m calm and I’m content and I’m grateful. I have to remember that if I just wait patiently and pay attention, God hands me everything I need. I don’t know why that always slips my mind right when I need to remember it most. Hopefully I can help some of you begin your day today with that in mind.

Here’s Heidi at The Pink Party in LA, an event to help raise money for women’s cancer research.

Also there: Lori Laughlin, a pregnant Jennifer Garner, a (hopefully!) pregnant Poppy Montgomery, Vanessa Minnillo, Brooke Burke, Natascha Henstridge and more!

Everyone’s getting their sisters in on the action!

Stephanie Pratt started showing up on The Hills last season, and it looks like Holly Montag — who’s Joe Francis’ new assistant — will be showing up THIS season. She’s started to pop up on red carpets next to Heidi.

Sisters are totally this season’s hottest accessory. They’re the new baby!

Who’s the hotter Montag sister?