This shit is bananas!

B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

So now we’re hearing reports that the chick who made the 911 call to police about Heather Locklear driving drunk was none other than Jill Ishkanian, that chick who got fired from Us Weekly and then hacked into their computer system. After calling in the tip, Jill tipped off her paparazzi buddies, who got the shots of Heather’s arrest and sold them to TMZ for $27,000.

This is soooo fucked up.

And probably not illegal, either, unless someone can prove that Heather was definitely not driving erratically. Says Jill’s lawyer: “The fact she witnessed Ms. Locklear’s erratic driving and reported it to the police did not mean she was disqualified from reporting the story, which she in fact did.” And, ya know, he’s right. There’s nothing illegal about this, sadly, if Heather was, in fact, behaving like a drunk driver.

However, another witness near the scene denies that Heather seemed drunk.

“She seemed to be acting normal, totally normal. She was just really messy, but not drunk,” says Santa Barbara resident Alex Paillon, who spotted Locklear in a shopping center moments before her arrest.

“I was really surprised to hear she got a DUI because, I mean, I just saw her coming out of the store,” Paillon continues. “She looked fine.”

And how does Harvey Levin over at TMZ feel about the fact that these photos are soooo dirty? (Although, in fairness, he didn’t know the whole set-up when he paid for them.) “Ultimately, these are photographs of an arrest,” he said.

The D.A. is still determining whether or not to file charges.

Because, I mean, whether or not the police tip-off was set-up, the police still decided to go ahead and put her under arrest, so she must have been exhibiting some signs of impairment, although it’s been determined alcohol was not involved. If she’d been totally sober and sane, they would have let her go. The police don’t go ahead and arrest every single person they come into contact with on the road.

While the CHP said there was no sign Locklear, 47, had consumed excessive amounts of alcohol, a “drug recognition expert” told officers she appeared under the influence of an unspecified drug. She was tested and prosecutors are awaiting the results.

“Toxicology is one piece of information that I want to have in hand before I review the case,” explains the D.A.. “Obviously, I want as much information as I can get before I can review the case for any filing, if there is going to be a filing.”

This is going to be very, very interesting to watch play out. I am certain some fucked up shit went down either way.

As the world speculates about her DUI last week, Heather Locklear solemnly meets with her real estate agent in LA on Tuesday.

Are you going to issue a statement, Heather? An apology? An explanation? Anything?

Extra has the 911 call that resulted in Heather Locklear’s DUI arrest. Check it out here.

It’s an interesting listen.

Anyone who thinks she maybe took one or two too many Vicodin is probably just being wishful.

It sounds like Heather was trashed.

Says Janet Charlton:

According to acquaintances, Heather has been abusing prescription painkillers every day for around 20 years. Specifically vicodin. This kind of long term pill popping can easily lead to kidney damage and the need for dialysis. One of her exboyfriends is hooked on the same pills so they had a great time while it lasted. Obviously, Heather’s recent aborted attempt at rehab where she claimed it was for “depression,” didn’t help at all. It makes one rethink the possible causes for her divorce from Richie Sambora. Heather is well liked in Hollywood and everyone hopes she’ll finally get a grip on this problem.

Dude a bottle of Vicodin sounds damn good to me right about now. I’m super grumpy and I can’t figure out why. I’m just a grumpster. It’s been a stressful day. I told you guys about the Dell drama last night, and then this morning I thought my health insurance had expired without my knowledge (it hadn’t, it just got transferred to a different company, but it took my all day to figure that out and in the meantime I was trying to figure out how the hell to get health insurance, like, NOW) and then Leo had to go get tested for heartworm (he’s fine, the vet just called with the results) and my new health insurance provider will only cover prescriptions if I order them from some stupid online pharmacy that needs like a whole special fancy order form faxed in by my doctor and, like, I can’t even remember who prescribes my birth control these days so I have no idea how I’m going to get that dealt with and my car needs emissions testing and there are only like four places in the county that do it, none of which are close to where I live, and I didn’t sleep well last night and am exhausted.

Oh and also the economy’s totally collapsing and I need to go to the store and stock up on bottled water and the like to prep for the apocalypse.

Oh and ALSO what’s up with no new House tonight? Someone explain that BULLSHIT to me, stat.

I think it’s my nap time. If someone wants to stop by my apartment with chocolate bars, that would be nice, too. Because I totally don’t have a good drug hook-up in Seattle, so I’m gonna have to rely on chocolate for now.

First off, she wasn’t drinking.

Authorities are still waiting on the results of other tests.

The person who reported the incident said she saw a woman who was visibly impaired, later identified to be Locklear, getting into a car in a Montecito parking lot Saturday afternoon about 4:30, Marshall said.

Locklear showed bizarre behavior, driving back and forth over a pair of sunglasses on the pavement and revving her engine. After leaving the parking lot, she stopped her car on the street and stumbled into the traffic lane, according to the caller, who followed Locklear out of concern, Marshall said.

When the CHP officer arrived, Locklear’s car was parked on State Route 192 partially blocking a lane, Marshall said. The officer talked to her and determined that she was disoriented and “under the influence of something.” She was taken to the CHP’s Santa Barbara-area office to be tested for alcohol and drugs.

Locklear tested negative for alcohol. Other drug tests will be returned in a few days, Marshall said.

Hm. She was visibly impaired, but she hadn’t been drinking.

Soooo … are we talking weed? Cocaine? Vicodin?

Or was little Heather Locklear into something a little bit harder?

Can’t wait to find out!

Well, that didn’t take long.

Somebody’s headed back to rehab.

Heather Locklear was arrested on DUI in Santa Barbara on Sunday.

Locklear, 47, was pulled over by a California Highway Patrol officer Saturday afternoon after a resident reported seeing the actress leaving a parking lot and “driving erratically,” patrol spokesman Tom Marshall said.

The officer noticed Locklear’s car parked on a state highway and blocking a lane in Montecito, a wealthy community about 90 miles northwest of Los Angeles. She was believed to be alone in the car, Marshall said.

“In talking with her, (the officer) determines that she seems to be under the influence of something,” Marshall said.

Locklear was taken to the police station, where she was tested for alcohol and drugs. She was booked at 7 p.m. on suspicion of driving under the influence of prescription medication. She was later released from custody.

Wow, this does not sound good at all.

Hopefully Heather can get the help she needs.

Heather’s finally been sprung from the Arizona facility where she was being treated for “anxiety and depression” (and, if you believe the rumors, a little bit of drug and alcohol abuse).

“Heather’s feeling really great,” says a close friend. “And she looks beautiful, just radiant.”

We’re rooting for you, Heather!!!

Heather Locklear has checked herself into an Arizona facility to deal with “anxiety and depression.” And probably alcoholism, too, as it’s been rumored she struggled with drug and alcohol abuse for a long time now.

“Heather has been dealing with anxiety and depression. She requested an in-depth evaluation of her medication and entered into a medical facility for proper diagnosis and treatment,” says Locklear’s rep, Cece Yorke. “This is a confidential medical matter and no further statement will be released.”

We wish you all the best, Heather!!!