Aight, aight. So I always have to admit whenever I critique people’s fashion that I really have no business doing so. I am wearing flared jeans as I write this. Yes, flared. They’re old and they’re really comfortable and you would wear them too if you didn’t have a will to live. ANYWAY! That being said, I was pretty disappointed across the board by the dress selections last night at The Critic’s Choice Awards. With the exception of a couple (Heather Graham, Emily Blunt, Amy Poehler), everyone looked like they bought their dress of the rack at Nordstrom in the really fancy section last minute. Lots of ill-fitting garments, lots of things that looked like last season’s trends or generally unstylish (from the dress to the shoes, I beg you to tell me: What the fuck is Sandy B. wearing in the photo above? Are those hooves?) Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh, or maybe I should consider that the Golden Globes are on Sunday and everyone’s saving their pretty for that, but you let me know what you think in the comments…

We deeply examine a lot of critical social issues around here such as Prop 8, major elections, and the Duff sisters latest plastic surgery procedures.  So, today I’d like to lighten things up a bit.

With that mindset in place, I ask you, what’s worse?  Kristin Cavallari in this dress, or…

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Heather Graham makes me feel so inferior.  I consider it a successful day when I get a shower, but The Hangover actress Heather Graham has loftier — literally — goals.  So, while I continue to work on mastering my daily scrub, Graham is working on levitation and learning to fly.  As she explained in a Daily Mail interview, she needs to learn flying so she can travel across cities and oceans and save people from bad fortune.

So far I’ve only succeeded in my dreams. I practice transcendental meditation and there is a phase where you’re meant to lift off the ground. It hasn’t happened yet. I’ll manage it one day. In fact, I’m aiming beyond levitation. I want to be able to fly like a superhero. I won’t be happy until I can fly across oceans and cities, saving people from being murdered.

Let me get this straight — Heather Graham won’t be happy until she accomplishes transatlantic flight without an aircraft?  I predict it’s going to be a long and unhappy life, Heather.

Heather Graham has been spotted all over the Capri Film Festival with Israeli director Yaniv Raz, who directed her in Son of Mourning. I hadn’t heard anything about them being an item, but they sure do look awful cozy in these pics.

Also: how gorgeous is Heather Graham? She is always soooo damn beautiful. Not fair.

We don’t see a lot of Heather Graham these days, but she was looking absolutely gorge on the red carpet for The Wrestler’s screening in NYC. I love this look on her and I just think she’s such a stunningly beautiful woman. I only wish she were as good at choosing scripts as she is at choosing clothes. She hasn’t been in anything half-decent since … Austin Powers?

Ms. Graham hangs out on Sunset Blvd last night.

Check out the jacket zippers all the way up the sleeves.

Tres cool. I just adore her.

Or her publicist or her manager or whoever the hell let her on a red carpet looking like she just got fucked while standing on her goddamn head.

Actually.

That’s kind of hot.

Pushed up against the wall or some shit?

Hm.

I’m adding that to the list.