Hayden Panettiere is finally talking about that little incident where her mom called the cops at three o’clock in the morning because her father was being physically violent.

“It was blown way out of proportion by a sheriff who wanted his fifteen minutes of fame,” she says. “My family is wonderful — so very happy. We’re all great.”

Uh, yeah.

I think most people can relate to Hayden’s situation. When your mom calls the cops at three in the morning — and the only discernible problem in your house is your father — it’s usually indicative of everyone being totally great. So much happiness. You call the cops because you don’t want anyone getting punched in the face again by all the happiness.

Skip and Lesley Panettiere gave their formal statement to Mario Lopez, the odious new host of Extra, about the whole thing where he got arrested last night for hitting her in the face a bunch of times.

Lesley and Alan told Mario Lopez, “Nothing actually happened.”

Explained Mario, “In fact, Lesley wasn’t even aware that Skip had been arrested. Hayden found out about her dad’s arrest when he called her from jail. They love each other very much and want everyone to know that the matter was completely blown out of proportion.”

Um, Lesley wasn’t even aware that Skip had been arrested because she was in a fucking drunken blackout, probably. Of course they don’t think anything actually happened. The last thing they remember is handing over their valet ticket in the parking lot of Beso and assuring the 17-year-old kid that they were okay to drive home.

This is so silly and sets a disgusting example. Your husband gets drunk and hits you in the face? Just pretend it didn’t happen. Jesus.

Alan “Skip” Panettiere posted the $50K bail required for him to get out of jail after allegedly beating up his wife last night.

Also — and this is hilarious to me — publications have begun to report that there may have been alcohol involved in the spat.

No shit?

Oh, man, my hopes and dreams are coming true: it’s looking like this whole good girl act Hayden’s got going on is just because she’s too damn young to have developed a drinking or drug problem. I mean, now we know that she’s got some genetic tendency to get completely wasted and do really dumb shit, so, at this point, we sit patiently and wait for her life to spin wildly out of control. Then we blog about it. Hooray!

Oh, wow.

Now sources are saying that Lesley Panettiere may have gotten a few blows in on her husband before he hit her and got himself arrested.

“Hayden’s mom drank way too much and was being rude to everyone. Her Dad was trying to put her in her place. Lesley striked him several times before he hit her,” said a spy.

The couple’s evening began at the Whaleman Benefit dinner at Beso last night, where Lesley was flirting with Paula Abdul’s ex boyfriend JT Torregiani. This didn’t make Mr. Panettiere very happy, apparently, and the argument began at the restaurant and escalated after they went home.

No wonder Hayden was in such a hurry to date and move in with an older man. I’d want out of that crazy house, too.

See? Hollywood gets you every time. Even if you, like Hayden Panettiere, spend your entire career wearing underwear, staying sober and saving whales, your dad’ll turn around and punch your mom in the face a couple times in the middle of the night. Nobody gets to be perfect anymore.

Alan Panettiere, father of Heroes star Hayden Panettiere, was arrested early Monday morning for allegedly hitting his wife, Lesley Panettiere, when the couple got into an argument after attending a party.

Sgt. Scott Wolf, a spokesman for the West Hollywood Sheriff’s Department, told E! News that the 49-year-old Panettiere got into a spat with Lesley, 52, at approximately 3 a.m. and struck her on the left cheek up to two times with a closed fist.

Hayden’s mom called police, who arrived at the home and took her statement.

When investigators noticed redness and bruises on her face consistent with an assault, lan was subsequently taken into custody and booked on felony spousal abuse. He is currently being held on $50,000 bail.

Awww, poor Hayden. I bet she wants to punch her father in the face a couple times now.

Here’s 18-year-old Hayden in various states of undress, in a nightclub, singing about how she’s going to have to cheat on her boyfriend to get his attention back, which is really an important message for a teen role model to be sending out to her peers. There are no healthy ways to assert yourself in a relationship, young ladies. It’s important you disrespect yourself and your reputation if your boyfriend isn’t giving you the attention you feel you deserve.

Sigh.

Be sure to stay tuned for the final half of the video, where there’s a dance sequence. Well, an attempt at one, anyway.

Eh, Hayden’s a cutie, and this’ll do well. But I’d just like to state for the record that the grammatically correct title would be “Wake-Up Call.” I know, I know. Hyphens aren’t hip. But they’re important, people.

Oh, I’m so obsessed with Heroes.

As I’ve reported on here before, lately my day consists of sleeping, eating, blogging and watching the Heroes DVDs. I have one more left before I’m through the first season. And I didn’t understand why people thought Milo Ventimiglia was hot until I started watching those DVDs. Man oh man, is he a sexy bitch.

Anyway, he currently belongs to one Hayden Panettiere, who is, according to InTouch magazine, looking to get her own place to shack up with her Peter Petrelli.

A sources tells In Touch, “Hayden and her mom looked at several condos, mostly in the Beverly Hills area,” says the source. “Hayden really wants her own place.”

And Hayden can have her own place now, since she recently turned 18. Milo? Oh, he’s 30.

Also, I’d like to give a very public congrats to Evil T, who — as she mentioned — has landed yet another gig as a hooker on a soap opera. Typically we keep T’s other professional life out of this blog, but since she brought it up herself, I just love that we have a televised hooker on the Evil Beet team.

Hayden and Milo hit the town this weekend, catching a screening of Atonement and looking very much the couple. I guess this shit isn’t a secret anymore.

He’s almost twice her age!! She’s 18!!!

I bet he was counting the freakin’ days until her 18th birthday.