Our budding Humanitarian of the Year showed up at yet another charity function: Helio’s Summer Celebration, benefiting Heal the Bay. HTB is a “nonprofit environmental organization dedicated to making Southern California coastal waters and watersheds, including Santa Monica Bay, safe, healthy and clean.”

The event was hosted by Amy Smart and Emmy Rossum, but I’m sure Paris commanded the majority of the attention. A bespectacled Rumer Willis made an appearance, as did Lindsay Lohan’s summer 2006 love, Harry Morton, who we haven’t seen in quite some time.

• Jessica Coen is leaving Gawker for Vanity Fair, where she’ll be their “deputy online editor.” In my mind, the “deputy” part of this keeps conjuring up an image of a wide-eyed Coen staring up at Graydon Carter, who’s pinning a bronze star on her lapel and saying something along the lines of “Welcome aboard, pard’ner.”
• Here’s a Paris Hilton nip slip.
• Britney Spears either fired publicist Leslie Sloan Zelnick or she didn’t. As long as the kid’s still named Sutton Pierce, I don’t see what difference it makes.
• Was Lindsay Lohan paid to go out with Harry Morton? Or did she go out with Harry Morton voluntarily and then get paid to act like she was paid for it? Or did she pay Harry Morton to act like he was paying her to act like she was paid to go out with her and then pay him to act like he was paying her to go out with him but didn’t want anyone to know that he was being paid for it? Or did she marry her lawyer wearing a pink bikini on a yacht off the coast of Nassau just 18 days after the sudden death of her only son? It’s very difficult to keep all this straight.
• Did you guys see McSteamy last night?? HE WAS LITERALLY STEAMY!!! Oh, McSteamy, be mine forever?

You know those awkward days after a break-up, where you still have to see the guy every now and then to work out the details? Who’s keeping the dog? Where are my bikinis? You owe me $30 for that time I paid for the cab. Won’t you please reconsider? Please?

In the new media, EdTV life of Lindsay Lohan, these moments are captured on tape and broadcast to an international audience via the web.

Play along, won’t you?

TMZ has tape of Lindsay showing up at Harry’s West Hollywood office yesterday, a day after she got dumped by Morton at the Chateau Marmont.

We’d like to take a moment to thank our sponsors. This particular summer in Lindsay Lohan’s life has been made possible by the following:

• Pink Taco restaurants
• Rehab energy drink
• Chateau Marmont
• Hyde Lounge
• The island of Maui
• BlackBerry by RIM
• Cocaine

I love it when there’s a ton of cool stuff breaking on a Friday afternoon.

• Grey’s Anatomy kicks some CSI ass, while ANTM stays fierce on the CW.
• Die Hard 4: Live Free or Die Hard (uuuuugh) rounds out its cast with Justin Long and Maggie Q. The fourth installment of the Bruce Willis-as-Jack-Bauer series begins shooting in Baltimore this weekend.
• Is $1B a reasonable valuation for Facebook? Time Warner CEO Dick Parsons thinks not.
• Holy fucking shit. PerezHilton.com had 2 million unique visitors yesterday. This blog thing may take off after all.
• Nicky Hilton’s beau Kevin Connolly punches Brandon Davis in the face — twice! — at a party at Paris Hilton’s house. Why? Who cares? Way to go, E!
• Making an appearance at the same party was La Lohan, who I hear got her ass dumped by Harry Morton after dinner last night at Chateau Marmont. I’ve heard from several sources that she and Paris were playing nice at the party, with Paris even trying to convince Linds that the many reports of her talking shit about the broken-wristed starlet were false. My guess? Lindsay’d been trying to keep her nose clean (literally) to maintain a relationship with Harry Morton, who’s well known to be sober, but when that fell apart she went crawling back to her old cokey pals, Paris & Co, within hours.

• Katie Holmes may play the role of Victoria Beckham in an upcoming biopic about Posh’s hubby, U.K. soccer star David Beckham.
• A publicity-starved Steve-O urinates on the red carpet at the premiere of Jackass 2. Fair warning: if you click that link, you are going to see his penis.
• Steve-O’s penis is lovely treat, but I know what you all really crave is a peek at Rosie O’Donnell’s tits. Well, then, you should watch Nip/Tuck on October 3. Or, you know, avoid Nip/Tuck at all costs for the entire month of October, just in case.
• Britney’s “manny” leaves her for Jude Law. Maybe he’s planning to reunite with Sienna Miller for the fifty-eighth time. She was not such a big fan of the old nanny.
• Keith Richards showed up to film his part as Johnny Depp’s father in the third installment of the other national mint, Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Rolling Stones rocker was almost too drunk to get through the scene. Where is Courtney Love when you need her?
• If you own an energy drink called Rehab, and you would like people to take pictures of your product and write about it on the Internet, you do whatever it takes to get that can into the sweaty, shaky hands of Lindsay Lohan. But how to do that? It just seems to good to be true. It took me awhile to find much information on the product, since any google search for “lohan rehab” or “rehab beverages” provides a million hits I can’t use, but I finally tracked down their website. They’re a Las Vegas company, and it looks like they’re partnered with Pink Taco, a chain of Mexican restaurants owned by Harry Morton, Lohan’s boyfriend. Mystery solved.

Pictures of Harry and his beloved Pink Taco in Hawaii. I think, because these pics are so genuinely cute (and because anyone reppin’ Scottsdale is my homie), I’m going to try not to make fun of either of them today. We’ll see how that goes.

[more pics at SplashNewsOnline]

• Photogs catch Harry Morton purchasing an engagement ring at Cartier. Could a proposal be in the works for his very own Pink Taco, La Lohan? Probably not, but it’s late August and the VMAs haven’t started yet, so let’s just speculate for awhile.
• Paris Hilton has managed, in a mere 24 hours, to be linked romantically with both Lance Armstrong and Travis Barker. What an unpredictable little whorecake she is.
• John Mayer denies the Jessica Simpson romance with his own patented brand of brood and angst.
• Okay, okay, okay. John Travolta just might be gay. Act surprised. Thanks to Dave at Maassive for the push.
• “Jump the couch.” A defining moment when you know someone has gone off the deep end. Know it. Love it. Say it.

• That girl with two vaginas? She has a blog now.
• 24-year-old fashion assistant Bridget Grish gets fired from Life & Style after her amateur porn videos show up on the web. There’s a lesson in there somewhere, I’m sure of it.
• Harry Morton — La Lohan’s latest squeeze — wants to lend his Mexican-cum-vagina-themed restaurant’s name, Pink Taco, to the Arizona Cardinals new stadium. There’s an Arizona-Cardinals-are-pussies joke to be made here, but after writing the previous sentence, I’m in no mood to think it up.
• No one wants to see the AmIdol tour. Which is surprising only when you consider that the So You Think You Can Dance tour is selling out most cities in minutes. Maybe next season they should divide the performers up by race.