This is the mess Halle chose to wear to the Keep a Child Alive ball in NYC last night. Not only is it a terrible material and a stupid cut, it doesn’t fit her. Her boobs are way too big; they’re falling out. And that’s not fair, because I believe Meghan McCain called a monopoly on boobs falling out of a top this week.

Also there: Padma Lakshmi, who looks like she got a really bad perm and then crimped it. Plus: Estelle, Iman, Adrian Grenier, John Mayer, Usher and Mary J. Blige.

A svelte and decidedly un-baby bumpy Halle Berry was a guest on the Jay Leno Show this past Thursday. We’ve all been speculating for some time that the baggy dresses and giant handbag camouflage she’s been using lately were signs that there was another impossibly gorgeous child on the way.

I think this dress puts those rumors to rest. Either that, or she’s got some sort of physics defying, tummy cinching body sock that squeezed that little fetus right back up into the fallopian tubes.

Every celeb has a right to privacy.  People are interested in the lives of the rich and famous though, so if you’re pregnant, and you want to keep that a secret, wear something baggy.  Then we can speculate that you just got fat after your last break up/movie flop/stint in rehab.  Seriously, do celebs think that placing an overpriced and oversized handbag in front of them in the most awkward way possible is going to diminish public conjecture?  If anything, I think they know that interest will increase.  And don’t celebs desperately crave that?

If I remember correctly, Halle never confirmed her first pregnancy — she hasn’t confirmed this one either, despite what Life & Style would have you believe.  Therefore, when this kid’s head is crowning, her rep will probably still be issuing “no truth to the rumor” statements.

I actually kind of hate the pregnancy guessing game.  Sometimes celebs just linger a little too long at the cheese plate — it’s not always about reproducing.  And the media’s idea of a “baby bump” is my idea of “goal abs”.  Anyway, I have played the game myself a few times.  I’m feeling kind of jaded since I totally felt Nicole Kidman was knocked up and then she never presented a fetus.  

But Halle Berry … she makes some amazing looking children.  She turns 43 tomorrow and now there are rumblings that she’s pregnant again.  The picture above was taken yesterday as she entered her doctor’s office (and if that’s considered a baby bump, I’ll kill myself now).  The gallery photos are all pics of Halle taken over the past six weeks or so.

Halle Berry was in L.A. visiting a friend yesterday.  There was some weird dude who was in most of the pics who looked like he was trying to give a bouquet of flowers to Halle.  Upon further inspection, I think he is an assistant, friend or manager of Halle’s and not some creepy random.

Nahla Aubrey, Halle’s 16-month-old daughter that I’m slightly obsessed with (though not in a creepy Let Me Give You Calla Lilies on the Street sort of way), has already begun mastering the Disgusted With Paps look that her mother has been doing for years now.

Halle and her boyfriend Gabriel Aubrey need to have another baby.  DNA like that is entirely too precious to waste.

The impossibly beautiful Halle Berry has been spending time at a beach in Miami with her impossibly beautiful boyfriend Gabriel Aubry and their impossibly beautiful daughter Nahla.  Could these three be more attractive?  It’s just not, well, possible.

Halle got visibly upset with the photogs as they snapped away at her and little Nahla heading into a WeHo restaurant this weekend.

But how could they not take the photos???

We’ve finally found someone more beautiful that Halle Berry, and it’s that little girl. Holy crap she is going to be sooo gorgeous when she grows up. She’s going to have that whole “exotic” thing going on. Seriously Shiloh better watch her damn back, because Nahla’s going to be stealing away all the Beckham boys.

My husband and I have been together over five years and have never been to the movies together.  It takes an act of God or Robert Downey, Jr. to get me to watch movies in a communal and over-air conditioned setting.  But this could be the weekend that I break rank and actually go to the movies.  Do you think they’ll let me bring in my Snuggie?

Last night was the premiere of The Soloist, a movie that sounds fascinating to me.  It’s a true story of a musician, played by Jamie Foxx, a prodigious violinist and cellist who starts suffering from schizophrenia while studying at Julliard.  He ends up becoming one of L.A.’s homeless.

So, yeah.  Totally putting on my bubblegum-dodging shoes and going to see this.

Beyond all the beautiful people at the screening last night (how is Halle Berry allowed to still look as amazing as she does?), Nathaniel Ayers, the man that the movie is based on, also attended.

You know who else was there?  Eva Pigford.  If you watch America’s Next Top Model, you’ll recognize her as the third season winner.  I was reading a little bit about her and she changed her name to Eva Marcille, but that never took because people already know her with the pig name.  Now she’s engaged to an actor-Lance Gross.  Obviously, Eva is just destined to have a horrible last name no matter what.

“Kate Winslet is always naked, sitting on a toilet, running buck-naked. She’s free. I want to be the kind of actress who can really be comfortable with my body like that.”

Halle Berry, veiled bitchiness in Elle.

“You know that stuff they say about a woman being responsible for her own orgasms? That’s all true, and, in my case, that makes me responsible for pretty damn good orgasms. They’re much better orgasms than when I was 22, and I wouldn’t let a man control that. Not anymore. Now, I’d invite them to participate. I’ve learned my tricks. I know what I like. I do not wait around. I initiate. And I’m not all about frequency – I favor intensity.”

Oscar winner and orgasm guru Halle Berry, in a new interview with Esquire.

Somewhere out in cyberspace, Gabriel Aubry’s buddies are sending him emails like ‘hey so i guess this means you’re responsible for dishes and diapers?’ And if they’re not, they really should.

Holy freakin’ hell, let me get this straight: the first photos of Halle Berry’s daughter, Nahla Ariela Aubry, are not in the pages of People magazine. Halle has chosen not to profit off the birth of her child? Weird, weird, weird.

Instead, the first pics of baby Nahla come from a recent visit to the zoo.

Look at that child’s eyes! And her lips! Gorgeousness!

Now I know why Halle’s kept her hidden for so long. She doesn’t want to incur the wrath of Shiloh. Little Nahla’s giving that little Jolie-Pitt bitch a run for her money. Those two are sooo going to fight over Greek shipping heirs when they grow up.

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry have named their little kiddo.

According to Access Hollywood, the baby’s name is Nahla Ariela Aubry.

“We didn’t have a name picked out until just before we left the hospital,” said Halle. “For us it was hard to name the most important person in our life until we met her.”

I think that’s a pretty name. Nahla must mean something in some language, but when I Google it all I get is the Northern Alberta Health Libraries Association. And I refuse to do any further research. Because I’m a lazy asshole.

Anyway, I’d go on and on about how this is going to be the most beautiful child in the whole world, but then I think about Rumer Willis and I decide I better wait a few years before making that determination.