God, there is hardly anything on television during the summer and I’m losing my mind over it.  How do I fill my hours each evening?  Will I have to resort to … reading? 

The Television Editor over at Boston Now (as well as the author of a great column titled “Two Tivos to Paradise”) pretty much keeps me up to date on what summer shows premiere and when.  It’s pretty helpful, since I don’t know how to work my program guide or my DVR.  

Speaking of summer shows, I do have one favorite returning on July 21st — Hell’s Kitchen Season 6.  See video above of ex-Marine Joseph asking Gordon Ramsay if he wants to step outside.  I hope Gordon shoves a John Dory up this guy’s rectum.

Unfortunately, reality television will never be what it was when it was just a novelty.  Back then, people just were themselves, but then came the Omarosas of the world and now everyone secures an agent before they appear on these shows. 

Anyway, that’s enough for today.  I’m off to read.  Or … needlepoint.  Gag.

In what may just be the best case of prophetic naming this TV season, NBC’s  reality cooking show Chopping Block has been, well, put on the chopping block. The show debuted March 12th and aired only 3 episodes before being cut from the lineup. NBC plans to run old episodes of Law & Order: Criminal Intent in its place.

Did anyone actually watch this show? I only knew it existed because Best Week Ever once lampooned how everyone on the show would incessantly make cheesey puns based on the show’s name– about people being “chopped.”

If I had known that it was hosted by Gordon Ramsay’s former mentor, Marco-Pierre White, I might have bothered to watch the first episode. Reportedly, White once made Ramsay cry when he was a cooking school student and the two have had a big falling out in recent years.

In response to the news, Chef Ramsay inexplicably changed his shirt a few times on camera, cursed alot, then whipped up a delicious roast with a hot side of schadenfreude.

The British tab News of the World  (I know, I know but I still think it’s true) is reporting that celebuchef Gordon Ramsay has been cheating on his wife for the better half of the last decade.  Hey…things happen.  People have lapses in judgement.  But a seven-year lapse?  

Ramsay always seems to make a point of praising his amazing wife and happy marriage whenever he’s doing press.  I remember watching something on television (maybe I read it) where he said that his wife was the only woman in the world that turns him on.  And I remember thinking that was a little over the top.  So yeah, he really works the major family man image.   It’s disappointing.  Are there any faithful men left?

Now, about the other woman: Her name is Sarah Symonds and she’s a professional.  She’s a spokesperson for Ashley Madison, a website that is like Disneyland for adulterers.  She wrote a book titled Having An Affair? A Handbook For The Other Woman as well as a blog that she updates with lots of helpful hints on how to be a satisfying other woman.  Symonds has even been on Oprah touting the benefits of dating married dudes.  Personally, being a harlot sounds like way more work than being a wife.   

Have a nice (VERY SIMPLE) dinner ready for when he comes over to you – served of course, wearing nothing more than an apron, and some very sexy stilettos.

 Prepare yourself (NOTE:  Always take longer on your preparation than the meal preparation).  Be refreshed, smelling great, and looking fabulous!  Always remember, you are in competition with the wife.

Be happy to see him, greet him warmly, and show sincerity in your desire to be with him (fake the sincerity if you ever need to).

Make sure your place is an oasis of peace, order, and tranquility.  Where your married man can feel relaxed and renew himself in body and spirit.