Hi guys.

If you can believe it, after spending the past two days outside in a blizzard, I am sick today. I know, I know. I’m shocked too. Plus it’s Friday and it’s the day after Christmas and traffic is ridiculously low anyway and no one is even reading this so I could just go ahead and confess about my third nipple and no one would even know. Seriously though I feel like ass, so this is probably the last post of the day. Not that you care because you’re not reading this anyway. Did I mention my five labia piercings? Okay really though if you do have a third nipple can you get it pierced? Does anyone do that? Are there pictures on the Internet? Links please.

Oh and Tom Brady is engaged to Gisele Bundchen. You know, the chick he left his pregnant girlfriend for awhile back? Because let’s not forget that he left a pregnant girlfriend. Because he did. He proposed to Gisele on Christmas Eve, on a private jet that took off from Teterboro Airport in New Jersey and landed in Boston. There were four dozen white roses on board, as well as champagne. Oh and Gisele’s parents were there, too. So no pressure. Gisele said yes. MERRY CHRISTMAS BRIDGET MOYNAHAN!

Okay back to bed for my sick ass.

Gisele “Perfect” Bundchen stars in a Black Cowboy music video filmed in LA on Thursday. The video was directed by none other than Kevin Connelly.

I love, love, love her boots.

They also probably cost more than my television.

Yup, it’s Gisele Bundchen, that chick Tom Brady dumped you for after he knocked you up, holding your newborn child!

Oh, yay, yay, yay!!!!

You know, normally I take a pretty cynical eye toward celebrity life. I know most of it’s bullshit. I get that. I understand that these are real people with real emotions and real lives, and they all have pain and heartbreak and sadness and rough nights just like you and me, and I understand that, in many cases, money and fame only worsen the problem. I understand that most of these lives are not in any way enviable.

But Gisele?

Fuck Gisele.

Gisele lives in this magical little world where she’s forever gorgeous and delighted and weightless and beloved and NFL quarterbacks leave their pregnant girlfriends when she demonstrates even the tiniest bit of interest and any speck of sadness that might accidentally fall within 20 yards of her life is quickly ushered away by the ever-vigilant Gisele Bundchen Happiness Fairies.

Fuck Gisele.

I know you guys probably love him. That’s fine. I’m not judging you. But I hate Thomas Brady.

Just look at him. Here with Gisele, his girlfriend. Whatever, dude, that leather jacket makes you look like a member of the West Side Story Jets.

Evidently there was an awkward little moment between Gis, Tom, and Leo last night.

This happens to me all the time. See, I used to have this girlfriend who was nominated for multiple Oscars. But then I started dating this chick who is a tennis pro pulling down seven figures a year. You know how that goes. Then we’d occasionally all show up at the same Jiffy Lube to get our 2003 Hyundai Sonata worked on, including a new air filter, and it would be so very weird. It was like “So, how’s the acting going?” while my new girl toy practiced her backhand, pretending not to be infuriated with me.

But she was.

So yeah, anyway, I loathe this T-Brad guy.

Gisele Bunchen and Tom Brady spend some quality time in NYC this week.

Where’s Tom’s new baby?

Oh, yeah, somewhere with Bridget Moynahan.

Image via WENN

Dear Gisele.

I hate you.

xoxo,
Beet

In NYC on Saturday.

Image via Splash