“You just have to realize who the governor is and who the little puppy is. This kid’s great he’s a got a lot of talent. He doesn’t really have a rock’n’roll voice…he should be the singer in Queen or be on Broadway, but mostly he should shut up about his sexual preferences. Me, America and the rest of the world doesn’t really care. I mean if the story becomes ‘I prefer farm animals to…’, who cares? Be quiet about what you do indoors and go out there and sing.”

Gene Simmons talking to FOX Philadelphia about how Adam Lambert needs to shut up about his sexual orientation and how he needs to figure out his place in the pecking order of rock stars. 

Incidentally, who thinks Gene Simmons needs to shut up?  I’m raising my hand here.

I’ll admit right now that I am an embarrassment to my profession.  I have been completely unaware of this god, better known to the public as Bradley Cooper.  And only a dude this hot could get away with a name like “Bradley.”

He’s been on Nip/Tuck and was in Wedding Crashers and a bunch of other stuff, but to be honest, I’m not as interested in his resume as I am in his naked and vulnerable body.  Totally hot, right?

Cooper taped an appearance on Live! With Regis & Kelly today, probably to talk about some new project — who cares? — but really seems best known for dating Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston.  Oh, and he had a four-month-long marriage in there somewhere too.

Also in the gallery, Kelly Ripa actually does eat which just makes me hate yet love her more, Denise Richards looks good despite the fact that she just confessed to having not one, not two, but three boob jobs and Gene Simmons desperately needs a makeover to snap out of Wayne Newton mode.

Listen, when you’ve resorted to paying Gene Simmons to not-at-all-subtly pretend to buy your paper after alerting multiple photo agencies, it’s just time to throw in the towel, LA Weekly. Go out with some dignity.

Image via WENN

Ok, not really. But Gene will be suing the hell out of some folks over this whole sex tape thing.

His website states:

You may have heard of seen garbage that has sprung up from my past. Rest assured the proper legal team is looking at all the ramifications and options.

Huh. A few things I’d love to point out:

1) That sure sounds like a confirmation to me.
2) Proper legal team? How many are there?
3) As far as options… just go ahead and sue. Why not? You’ve got to have a better legal team than most and you can just allege they made you feel bad.

Here’s the screenshot, doing a thumbnail because it’s big.

So there’s this new website, genessecret.com, that purports to have a video of KISS’s Gene Simmons having sexual intercourse with someone other than his longtime girlfriend and the mother of his children, Shannon Tweed. The woman’s name is reportedly Elsa, and she’s the spokeswoman for Frank’s Energy drink, which Simmons also reps.

Here’s the copy from the website:

Watch the sex tape Gene doesn’t want you to see. Exclusive to GenesSecret.com this video is sure to turn some heads, squeeze some Family Jewels and maybe even get someone FIRED…

Unmasked and revealed, we pop the lid on Gene’s Secret, right here at GenesSecret.com. Watch the real rock icon play a very special performance!

This isn’t Shannon, this isn’t the same Family Jewels that you can catch on late-night cable. This is Gene giving you his best on screen performance yet! Find out all the benefits of being the spokesperson for a the latest energy drink, Frank’s Energy. Although it looks like Gene would rather gulp done one of Frank’s Energy Girls!

Break out your face-paint! Grab some tissues and find out exactly how sweet this can is!

You have to pay to actually see the tape — I refuse to do this — but something tells me this is all a big marketing ploy for Frank’s Energy drink.

It’s so nauseatingly pathetic I almost think we should have a national boycott of this stupid drink.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.