Listen, when you’ve resorted to paying Gene Simmons to not-at-all-subtly pretend to buy your paper after alerting multiple photo agencies, it’s just time to throw in the towel, LA Weekly. Go out with some dignity.
Image via WENN
Ok, not really. But Gene will be suing the hell out of some folks over this whole sex tape thing.
His website states:
You may have heard of seen garbage that has sprung up from my past. Rest assured the proper legal team is looking at all the ramifications and options.
Huh. A few things I’d love to point out:
1) That sure sounds like a confirmation to me.
2) Proper legal team? How many are there?
3) As far as options… just go ahead and sue. Why not? You’ve got to have a better legal team than most and you can just allege they made you feel bad.
Here’s the screenshot, doing a thumbnail because it’s big.
So there’s this new website, genessecret.com, that purports to have a video of KISS’s Gene Simmons having sexual intercourse with someone other than his longtime girlfriend and the mother of his children, Shannon Tweed. The woman’s name is reportedly Elsa, and she’s the spokeswoman for Frank’s Energy drink, which Simmons also reps.
Here’s the copy from the website:
Watch the sex tape Gene doesn’t want you to see. Exclusive to GenesSecret.com this video is sure to turn some heads, squeeze some Family Jewels and maybe even get someone FIRED…
Unmasked and revealed, we pop the lid on Gene’s Secret, right here at GenesSecret.com. Watch the real rock icon play a very special performance!
This isn’t Shannon, this isn’t the same Family Jewels that you can catch on late-night cable. This is Gene giving you his best on screen performance yet! Find out all the benefits of being the spokesperson for a the latest energy drink, Frank’s Energy. Although it looks like Gene would rather gulp done one of Frank’s Energy Girls!
Break out your face-paint! Grab some tissues and find out exactly how sweet this can is!
You have to pay to actually see the tape — I refuse to do this — but something tells me this is all a big marketing ploy for Frank’s Energy drink.
It’s so nauseatingly pathetic I almost think we should have a national boycott of this stupid drink.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
