“It was worse than any film school project,” he says in a YouTube vid about his latest movie, Midgets vs. Mascots, which premieres April 25 at the Tribeca Film Festival. “I shouldn’t be in this movie in the first place, but the mortgage keeps coming.”

Here’s the best part: The video is a part of the YouTube channel for the movie’s publicity. So, ya know, not only did somebody make a movie about “a porn-mogul dwarf who stages a $1 million competition with asinine events,” now they’re trying to make Gary Coleman’s sad, sad life go viral to support it. CLASSY, kids.

Check out Gary Coleman and his wife on The Today Show.

I like the part where all her friends were excited because she was dating “a superstar,” but she doesn’t know him that way, because she’s never seen Diff’rent Strokes, because she’s like 14 years old.

Okay, so we didn’t really cover the whole thing where Gary Coleman was all like “Hey guys! I got married awhile back!” because it was a dumb story and Gary Coleman is dumb.

But this is just too good to pass up.

Gary told The Insider that he still hasn’t had sex with his 22-year-old bride. He says it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen, and for all the right reasons.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It’ll never happen, dude.