Some people paint and some people sculpt, but when Marilyn Manson wants to create art he throws semen-filled condoms at a mirror.  I wish I was kidding.  He talked all about it — and so much more — in a recent interview with SPIN.

I was going to email you a photograph I just took. It’s of a new piece of modern art I created. Let’s call this work my Jack-off Pollack, of sorts. I had two condoms — alien things to me, I haven’t seen them in 25 years — and I threw them on the mirror, and they stuck, and they formed this piece of modern art. And I can’t decide what to call it. I’m thinking about calling it “I Don’t Want You to be Cursed With My Retarded Child,” or “It’s Not Just Love, It’s a Lifestyle,” because they were Lifestyle condoms.

Would the name be different if they were Magnum or Trojan condoms?

I suppose. I was just curious what I could do with a condom filled with my semen, other than the obvious damage that one could do.

Well, you know, you could be sanitary and throw it away?

It was like a piñata of disease and babies and confusion. It’s literally just dripping down as we speak, two of them. I just wanted to make sure that you know that I can perform. I want to make sure that my sexual prowess is established here. I’d love this photo to be on the cover of SPIN.

When Manson isn’t occupied with creating his sperm-covered home furnishings or managing his $200,000 cocaine habit — yes, he admitted that too — he grapples with self-mutilation and daily homicidal thoughts.

It sounds like the period after you and Evan Rachel Wood broke up was really tough. What was your lowest point?

I sing about it on “Into the Fire.” I say, “If you want to hit bottom, don’t bother trying to take me with you.” My lowest point was Christmas Day 2008, because I didn’t speak to my family. My walls were covered in scrawlings of the lyrics and cocaine bags nailed to the wall. And I did have an experience where I was struggling to deal with being alone and being forsaken and being betrayed by putting your trust in one person, and making the mistake of that being the wrong person. And that’s a mistake that everyone can relate to. I made the mistake of trying to, desperately, grasp on and save that and own it. And every time I called her that day — I called 158 times — I took a razorblade and I cut myself on my face or on my hands.

I look back and it was a really stupid thing to do. This was intentional, this was a scarification, and this was like a tattoo. I wanted to show her the pain she put me through. It was like, “I want you to physically see what you’ve done.” It sounds made up but it’s completely true and I don’t give a shit if people believe it or not. I’ve got the scars to prove it. I didn’t want people to ask me every time I did an interview, “Oh, is this record about your relationship with your ex-girlfriend?” But that damage is part of it, and the song “I Want to Kill You Like They Do in The Movies” is about my fantasies. I have fantasies every day about smashing her skull in with a sledgehammer.

Evan Rachel Wood should be heaving a huge sigh of relief right now, though I really hope she has some sort of security.  Because Marilyn Manson sounds almost nuts enough to do her in.

I couldn’t possibly care less. But for what it’s worth, she tells the new issue of GQ that she’s back in the sack with her 40-year-old lover, Marilyn Manson. Evan continues to be 21 years old. Too cute.

“I’m upset because I feel disrespected by the press and by Mr. Rourke. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean that you can take advantage of me. It’s unfair that the performances might suffer because of all of these distractions … I’m not attracted to him, he’s too old for me. Nothing ever happened and nothing ever will.”

Evan Rachel Wood, once again shooting down rumors that she’s doing the nasty with co-star and all-around gross man Mickey Rourke.

Yes, Mickey Rourke is fucking his movie daughter, Evan Rachel Wood.  The two met on the set of The Wrestler and obviously hit it off.  Naked.  Sweet Jesus, Wood is obviously into really weird and unattractive men.  Homely dudes are the best in bed; it’s an overcompensation thing.  Unfortunately, since I got LASIK, taking out my contacts to get through ugly sex is no longer an option.

Despite all the denials, on the night of the SAG Awards they were making out at after-parties and went up to his room at the Four Seasons.  I guess that isn’t solid proof of sex; maybe they were up there being just friends and eating overpriced cashews.  Who am I kidding?  They are so having sex.  This picture says it all, doesn’t it?

For the first time in her whole red carpet life, Evan Rachel Wood doesn’t look like a trampy Dita Von Teese wannabe.

In fact, she looked stunning at the Critics Choice Awards.

Dress is gorgeous, but, most importantly, hair and makeup suit her perfectly. She doesn’t look like a Dita rip-off, she looks like the beautiful young woman that she is deep under all that crazy.

Keep this stylist, Rachel!

More specifically, I’d like us to discuss this issue:

In My Girl — the feel-good Macaulay-Culkin-evaded-the-burglars-but-now-he-dies-of-bee-stings movie of 1991 — Jamie Lee Curtis’s character spoke the following words: “The first rule of makeup is that you can never wear enough blue eye shadow.”

Is this still true???

Should you ever wear blue eye shadow anymore??

Evan seems to think so.

And perhaps an even more pressing issue: What the hell happened to Anna Chlumsky? Granted, I was 9 years old when I saw that movie, but I remember feeling that this young woman was poised for an extraordinary career. In fairness, I felt the same way about Curly Sue (who today is a phenomenally talented and under-exposed singer).

Wow, that’s a cool title. I’m really impressed with that. Unfortunately, the reigning Oscar winner in the competitive category of Biggest Daddy Complex didn’t actually cop to smoking weed. Instead, she admitted that she’s been cast as the female lead in the Broadway musical version of Spiderman. No, seriously. They’re doing that. Music and lyrics by U2. You think I am joking but I am not.

No word yet on who’ll be playing Peter Parker, but the smart money’s on her Across the Universe co-star, Jim Sturgess. The show starts rehearsals in summer 2009.

Broadway is totally the new rehab.

Last month, right after she split with much-older boyfriend Marilyn Manson, Evan Rachel Wood was rocking the super-black hair, and taking a lot of shit for dressing like a Dita wannabe.

Tuesday night, she was spotted at the Gotham Independent Film awards sporting red hair and eyebrows to match, and a much subdued wardrobe.

Is she trying to break out of the Dita mold? Is she so over that shit?

Oh, and the dude she’s posing with is Ron Livingston, who you know because he was the lead in Office Space and also played Berger on SatC. I don’t think they’re dating, but you never know with this girl.

Evan Rachel Wood, age 21, just broke up with 39-year-old Marilyn Manson.

So who’s her new love?

She reportedly flew to Vegas this weekend with 56-year-old Mickey Rourke. Ewwwwwww. She was supposed to attend an event at Tao with him, but canceled at the last minute, ostensibly to avoid drawing attention to the fact that she’s porking a 56-year-old.

Daddy issues much, Evan?

She did, however, make it to an awards show in Hollywood on Sunday night, looking very — um — Dita Von Teese-ish, ahem.

And I’m really grateful for this.  My sheets are sweat soaked every night as I anxiously toss and turn, head thrashing to and fro, pulling at my hair as the questions race through my mind.  “Why?  Where did it go wrong?  Can they work it out?  How are either of them even famous?  What color lip liner does Marilyn Manson wear and can I get it at Sephora?”

I am convinced that celebrities that ask for privacy are the biggest attention whores out there.  Ever notice how they go on about their breakup that no one cares about?  It’s like “Well he really liked anal and I didn’t and then one night he just slipped it in without asking and that was the final straw.  I ask for your privacy at this time.”  Puhleeze.  So here’s her official statement on the split:

Manson has been by my side and taken care of me through the best and worst times. I love him as a person and as an artist. I will always be proud to have been a part of that.

If any more attacks are made on us, it is the act of a desperate, selfish person, who is angry to no longer be a part of my life. No further comment will be made and we request our privacy at this time.

Right.  Because whenever I love someone as a person and an artist, that’s it.  You’re outta here.  Obviously it could never work.  Anyway, Evan, why not just be honest with him?  Like “you were so much more attractive to me when you were married to someone else.”

And I want to see the long line of bitter and sobbing fools who are just so devastated as to no longer be a part of Evan Rachel Wood’s life.  No such people exist except in her echoey little head.  As a final observation, it amuses me how she calls him “Manson” because she’s embarrassed to be screwing a guy named Marilyn.  What a bitch; he didn’t seem to mind screwing a girl named Evan.

You know, when Susan Saranden’s daughter, Eva Amurri, first started out, I thought she was way awkward and unattractive, but she’s really grown into a striking young women. And she looks great in that dress.

Evan Rachel Wood, on the other hand, needs to understand that Goth was over before she hit puberty. You can bang Marilyn Manson all you want, sweetheart, but you’re not gonna bring it back.

“I’m not a lesbian, but I don’t think [kissing women is] weird or gross or anything. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I’m bisexual – I don’t sleep with women. But I definitely appreciate women and there have been times where I have been attracted to a woman. I’m not afraid of sexuality. I think too many people get shit and get called skanky or a whore just because they are sexual.”

Actress Evan Rachel Wood to YRB magazine.