Ethan Hawke is not aging particularly well, IMHO. Plus, he makes a lot of funny faces for the camera. Let’s make sure he is never photographed with Samantha Ronson. The resultant face-scrunching could probably kill a horse.

At the press conference for his new film, What Doesn’t Kill You, in NYC.

Congrats to Ethan Hawke and nanny/wife Ryan Shawhughes.

Ryan gave birth to a little girl, Clementine Jane Hawke, last Friday in New York.

Somehow I doubt the tabloids will be scrambling for the exclusive first photos of this kiddo. So sad!

He wed his kids’ nanny, Ryan Shawhughes, who he also knocked up. Apparently the super-secret ceremony took place three weeks ago in New York. It probably wasn’t even super-secret. They probably did it in the middle of Central Park at noon with huge balloons and skywriting. It just took three weeks for anyone to get around to writing a story about it.

I’m sure Uma Thurman is devastated. She’s probably crying her eyes out while she has dirty sex on a pile of money with her hottie gazillionaire fiance, Arpad Busson. UPGRADE!

A rare photo of Ethan Hawke and his Uma-babies, Maya and Levon, and his soon-to-be baby mama, Ryan Shawhughes, who he’s said he plans to marry soon. And they’ve even got the family dog with them! Cuteness!

Maya and Levon are already very familiar with Ryan: she was their nanny before she was porking Ethan.

2008 is the year to be preggers.

Ethan Hawke and girlfriend Ryan Shawhughes are expecting a baby. “They are over the moon,” a pal tells In Touch about the pregnancy. Ethan, 37, and Ryan, 28, first met when she worked as a nanny for the actor during his marriage to Uma Thurman.

Ethan has two children with Uma already.

Banging the nanny?

How Jude Law.

Stay tuned for next week’s edition of Ethan Hawke Zit Watch.

How old is he at this point? 58?* How is this dude still all pizza-faced?

It’s a pity that Jessica Simpson just renewed her contract with ProActiv, because they need to get their little Stanford M.D. hands on this smarty-pants.

Remember when he was in Reality Bites? How awesome was that movie? “I am not acting like anything. I am calmly reading.” I’m getting deja vu. Have I talked about this before?

Yup, I have.

Anyway, that movie was cool. Except when Ethan Hawke was kissing Winona Ryder he basically ate her face. I remember watching that at age 12 and being like, “Oh my God, that cannot be what kissing is supposed to be like.”

At the premiere of Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead in NYC.

*He’s 36.

In an upcoming interview with AMC’s Shootout, Ethan Hawke tells us what we already knew: celebrity marriages fail when one person becomes way more successful than the other.

“It’s unfair when one person’s career is taking off and the other is really suffering,” he says. “What happens — it’s not that they’re jealous of each other; it’s that the person you share your life with isn’t in the mood to support. You want to have a pity party for yourself, but they’re off to the Golden Globes and you don’t want to go because everyone is going to think you are jealous.”

Ethan Hawke, who will always be that “I am not acting like anything, I am calmly reading” guy from Reality Bites in my mind, married Uma Thurman in 1998. She filed for divorce in 2004, around the time her acting career was skyrocketing and Ethan was penning angsty novels.

But thank you, Ethan, for finally stepping up to the plate and actually saying that Hollywood egos get in the way of Hollywood marriages.