“I have lots of friends in the business who’ve been practically assaulted by the paparazzi. It’s amazing how common that is. I grew up reading things about what a jerk Sean Penn must have been for punching out a photographer. Then, you’re out at a premiere with a date and you hear the things they say to provoke you. I mean, it’s awful. You realize, ‘Oh, that’s why Sean did that. He wasn’t being a maniac.’ It’s horrifying what photographers will say to get you to look over or to get a rise out of you when you refuse to give them a picture or something.”

- Ethan Hawke  in Parade Magazine, reminding us that it’s hard at the top.

Ethan Hawke is not aging particularly well, IMHO. Plus, he makes a lot of funny faces for the camera. Let’s make sure he is never photographed with Samantha Ronson. The resultant face-scrunching could probably kill a horse.

At the press conference for his new film, What Doesn’t Kill You, in NYC.

Congrats to Ethan Hawke and nanny/wife Ryan Shawhughes.

Ryan gave birth to a little girl, Clementine Jane Hawke, last Friday in New York.

Somehow I doubt the tabloids will be scrambling for the exclusive first photos of this kiddo. So sad!

He wed his kids’ nanny, Ryan Shawhughes, who he also knocked up. Apparently the super-secret ceremony took place three weeks ago in New York. It probably wasn’t even super-secret. They probably did it in the middle of Central Park at noon with huge balloons and skywriting. It just took three weeks for anyone to get around to writing a story about it.

I’m sure Uma Thurman is devastated. She’s probably crying her eyes out while she has dirty sex on a pile of money with her hottie gazillionaire fiance, Arpad Busson. UPGRADE!

A rare photo of Ethan Hawke and his Uma-babies, Maya and Levon, and his soon-to-be baby mama, Ryan Shawhughes, who he’s said he plans to marry soon. And they’ve even got the family dog with them! Cuteness!

Maya and Levon are already very familiar with Ryan: she was their nanny before she was porking Ethan.

2008 is the year to be preggers.

Ethan Hawke and girlfriend Ryan Shawhughes are expecting a baby. “They are over the moon,” a pal tells In Touch about the pregnancy. Ethan, 37, and Ryan, 28, first met when she worked as a nanny for the actor during his marriage to Uma Thurman.

Ethan has two children with Uma already.

Banging the nanny?

How Jude Law.

Stay tuned for next week’s edition of Ethan Hawke Zit Watch.