I want to take this opportunity to clear up something.  Some of you thought I was mean-spirited in criticizing a pregnant Rebecca Gayheart for smoking.  Hey, if looking out for a helpless individual who can’t speak for themselves makes me mean, too bad.  When I was pregnant, I craved a bottle of red wine like Michael Lohan craves getting a mention on Page Six.  Sometimes you just have to put an unborn child first.  And, you know, she killed someone.  So she has a responsibility to do better and you can bet your bippy that I’m not going to feel bad about holding that viewpoint.  Now, INF and Huffington Post have reported that RG is preggo.  If, in fact, she’s just retaining water, I apologize to her pooch.  More importantly, can we now talk about how Eric Dane and Smokestack Gayheart are suing Gawker?

The couple filed suit against Gawker in L.A. County Superior Court today in response to the website’s decision to publish a four-minute clip of their ridiculous non-sex tape.  Through their lawyer, they are seeking more than $1M in damages as well as an injunction against the video.

Gawker’s publisher Nick Denton responded on Twitter:  “To quote the great Marty Singer — Eric Dane’s lawyer — if you don’t want a sex tape on the internet, “don’t make one!”

Remember Mindy McCready?  All the media outlets are calling her a “troubled country singer”.  At what point do you lose the title of “singer”?  Like, is there a time frame, or is it one of those things where if you ever sang you get to be called a singer?  Because, if that’s the case, I am a singer.  

Anyway, she’s kinda, sorta involved in that whole mess with the Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart non-sex tape.  Mindy is on the upcoming season of Celebrity Rehab along with the third participant in the video, Kari Ann Peniche.  Peniche is accusing Mindy of stealing the video whilst they were roomies at rehab and leaking it onto the Internet — a theory which makes no sense considering those rehab people check everything including body cavities when you are admitted.  You aren’t allowed to bring porn or computers and cell phone access is limited, so how did Peniche bring her boring porn to rehab?

McCready has fired back at the accusations through an Access Hollywood interview saying,”I did not want to be dragged into all this. I did not want to be a part of this.  She is evil personified, she is evil in human form. She will hurt anyone she can to make money.”

Is there any chance that the producers at VH1 got a hold of this tape and leaked it?  Because right now, this Battle of the Irrelevants is the only motivating force behind me watching this upcoming season of Celebrity Rehab.

Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart were seen at their house and out on the streets of L.A. this weekend and they were actually wearing clothes!  They look so serious — why?  Isn’t a sex tape — or in their case a really boring “Let’s Talk About Sex But Not Actually Have It” tape — a career must-have?

Rebecca looks like she’s going through the worst time of her life.  You’d think that after she mowed down a nine-year-old, any other scandal she would could face would be easy breezy.

I don’t know about you, but for the rest of my life I’ll always associate these two with sitting in a bathtub.

Oh good. I was getting bored. So it’s nice to see that Defamer got their hands on this videotape of Noxema girl Rebecca Gayheart and husband Dane Cook Eric Dane getting high and naked with disgraced beauty queen-turned-Hollywood-madam Kari Ann Peniche (you may also recognize the name because she was engaged to Aaron Carter for a few seconds).

The tape was collected as evidence in LAPD’s investigation of Peniche’s prostitution operation. (Although word on the street is that she’d been showing it around to friends before then anyway.)

It’s unclear exactly how old the tape is. But Gayheart comments at one point that she’s so high she has to lie down. I remember her getting sober after than incident in 2001 where she was so damn impatient in traffic that she killed a 9-year-old boy (and has done a fantastic job of keeping the press quiet about it since then). Guess it didn’t stick?

Elle magazine’s got an interview with Eric Dane this month that’s pretty much just worth reprinting in full. I’m not going to do that, because it’s kind of long, but you can read it here, and the best parts are reprinted below.

ELLE: I first encountered your name several years ago when you and Jack Nicholson were concurrently dating Lara Flynn Boyle. What’s it like competing with Jack?
Eric Dane: Jack Nicholson is Jack Nicholson. The guy’s a colossal personality and I’m sure he’s charming, and I bet she had a lot of fun with him, but my take on the whole thing was, I’m 30. He’s 70. This is not going to go down like this. I couldn’t comprehend a 35-year-old woman gravitating toward a 70-year-old man.
ELLE: So you just walked away gracefully?
ED: Some would say gracefully, some would say not so gracefully, but I walked away.
ELLE: Have you ever been in a room with a man who possessed a sexual magnetism with which you couldn’t compete?
ED: I met George Clooney at a Jeffrey Katzenberg party not too long ago. I didn’t want to fuck him, but it seemed like everybody else in the room did.

ELLE: Chris Rock once said, “A man is only as faithful as his options.” Agree?
ED: After five years, I still love sleeping with my wife. And for me, that’s the best option out there.
ELLE: But you’re McSteamy! How do you avoid temptation?
ED: They’re not taking their tops off for me in elevators, man. I’m not getting panties thrown at me. There’s no free love anymore.
ELLE: If you could destroy one photo that’s been taken of you over the years, which would it be?
ED: Any photo with my shirt off.
ELLE: Did you have a busty period I’m not aware of? You’re famously fit.
ED: Listen, dude, I go eat a sandwich for lunch and have a milk shake and miss going to the gym for 10 days, and somebody snaps a picture of me on the beach, and all of a sudden, I’ve lost it. Why do I need to be perfect all the time? I don’t give a shit. Why should you?
ELLE: What one trait have you seen other men demonstrate in relationships that you envy?
ED: Sometimes I feel like I’m lacking a playfulness. I envy guys who are consistently able to maintain a playful, optimistic perspective on things.
ELLE: Do you think women you’ve been with would all say, “Oh, Eric always had a little storm cloud hovering above his head”?
ED: “Storm cloud” is a bit extreme. Maybe a tinge of sadness.
ELLE: Your father died suddenly when you were quite young. Do you think this event explains that sadness?
ED: You talking to me as a shrink? I’m sure some would say, “Yes, it’s rooted in this tragedy that happened when you were seven years old.” But I have an acceptance and deep understanding of it. I’m sure there were a few relationships I had as a kid that were directly affected by those circumstances, but you grow out of stuff.
ELLE: If your guy friends ever set you up on dates, what might have been their disclaimer about you?
ED: “He’s very quick the first time.”
ELLE: You and your wife introduced Brooke Mueller to Charlie Sheen, whom she recently married. What kind of disclaimers did you offer Brooke about dating your friend?
ED: For Charlie? It was basically, “You’re on your own, kid.”

Damn Rebecca Gayheart for landing this dude!! You don’t deserve him, Noxema girl!!!

Grey’s Anatomy stars Ellen Pompeo and Eric Dane — along with their significant others, Rebecca Gayheart and Chris Ivery — enjoy the Michael Kors show at NYC Fashion Week.

We’re a little late on the jump here — most sites ran them this morning — but we’re going to trudge forward anyway. You know why? Three words, people: search engine traffic. Come one, come all, from the deepest regions of Google and Yahoo. Come enjoy pictures of the Noxema girl topless.

Enjoy.

Want more?

Be sure to check out our nip slip gallery and our upskirt/labia slip gallery.

Eric Dane celebrated his cover for the May issue of Men’s Health last night in NYC. He brought along his stupid wife, The Noxzema Girl. I thought Dylan McKay’s enemies took care of you twelve years ago, bitch.

Sara Ramirez made an appearance, too.