I know that Eminem says he’s sober, but I dunno.

Last month he got things stirred up when he released his new single-an ode to Mariah Carey, whom he briefly dated in 2003- “Bagpipes from Baghdad” which had lyrics that went something like, “Nick Cannon better back the f*** up. I’m not playing, I want her back, you punk. Nick Cannon, you pr**k, I wish you luck with that f***in’ whore.”   You can imagine how much Mr. Mariah Carey liked that.  He’s vowed that there will be “repercussions.”  I think that’s code for, “I’m sending her back to you, Em.”

Eminem must not feel too threatened by Nick Cannon since he isn’t done yet.  While taking calls on his Shade 45 satellite radio station, Em said, “We’re taking callers right now (from) any woman who wants to be peed on.”   When asked what he would say if Mariah called in, he replied, “I already did that.”

So, Mariah, does returning Marshall Mathers’ call six years ago get filed under Biggest Mistake of Your Life, or what?

Hello my friends. Posting is going to be slow from me this afternoon. Do you want to know why? My fabulous friend Laremy brought an old-school Nintendo into the Film.com offices today. I am playing Duck Hunt and old-school Mario Brothers for the first time in, oh, 15 or 16 years? And can I just tell you guys that I am still pretty damn good? I made it through about seven levels on my first try before my little Mario died. I don’t remember a damn thing I learned in elementary school, but I still remember where the secret tunnels are on Mario. How disturbing is that?

Less disturbing is the fact that Eminem has finally sobered up and is talking publicly about his battle with addiction and his recovery, to promote his new album, Relapse. “It’s no secret I had a drug problem,” he says in a new interview. “If I was to give you a number of Vicodin I would actually take in a day? Anywhere between 10 to 20. Valium, Ambien, the numbers got so high I don’t even know what I was taking.”

Em talks about his ongoing feud with his mother, who was also a drug addict. “It never once hit me that drug addiction runs in my family,” he says. “Now that I understand that I’m an addict, I definitely have compassion for my mother. I get it.”

And as for recording this latest album while sober? “I wanted to make an overall statement — I’m back. It was a slow process. You gotta remember I hadn’t recorded a song sober in seven years. So it took me awhile to even feel like I could record a song sober … I don’t know the last time I shot a video sober, without drinking or taking anything. It’s been years. I almost feel like a little kid again with rap. I wanna play around with different flows. If I don’t feel like it’s what I’m fully capable of, if there’s one weak line, I wanna change it. Rap was my drug. It used to get me high and then it stopped getting me high. Then I had to resort to other things to make me feel that. Now rap’s getting me high again.”

Awww, this actually brings a little smile to my face. It’s so nice to see celebs addressing these problems, staying sober, and succeeding. And judging by the singles that have leaked, Relapse is looking to be quite the hit. Congrats on this, Marshall.

OK. Back to my little Mario and the ducks.

Who the hell releases a trailer for a music video?

Marshall Mathers, that’s who.

Eminem released a trailer of his video for “3 A.M.” as promotion for his new album, Relapse. In it, Em plays some sort of psychotic homicidal dude in what looks like a Blaire Witch remake with even worse videography. Seriously I can only hope that the final scene in this video involves Eminem standing in the corner of a basement mumbling to himself.

Here’s the latest video from Eminem, for his new single titled “We Made You.”

It occurred to me as I was watching this that Eminem is basically the rapper version of Kathy Griffin. Like, while all the other rappers are talking about fighting with the cops and makin’ it in the ‘hood and gettin’ shot down, Eminem’s all like, “Okay, okay, okay. So this Lindsay Lohan. She’s lost a lot of weight. Due to diet and Pilates and crack. Without the diet and Pilates.” I mean, really, this is just Kathy Griffin’s schtick if you made it rhyme.

I am told by a reader that the man who plays Britney Spears in this video is the same dude who did an impersonation of her on America’s Got Talent last year. I wouldn’t even want to begin the process of confirming that, so I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader.

Just for fun, I embedded below a clip of Kathy Griffin doing standup about Lindsay Lohan awhile back. Last week, however, the comedienne said she was likely to take Lindsay jokes out of her routine. “I’m more likely to make fun of Lindsay Lohan a year ago,” she says. “She was clubbing every night with the girlfriend and, like, DJing — but now it seems like she’s in the throes of real trouble … It feels like kicking her when she’s down. Believe it or not, I might kind of take her out for the time being. That’s a little hard to find the comedy in.”

Thanks Tako!

Eminem is back with a video for his new release “We Made You,” and like a little vanishing freckle I have had on my hand since birth, I didn’t realize how much I missed him until he returned.  Any masterpiece that mocks Jessica Alba, Bret Michaels and Lindsay Lohan is an automatic favorite of mine.

And speaking of celebrities I can’t tolerate, I am working on my Mischa Barton tribute as promised.  I’m aware that Chris Brown’s case could technically still end up with a plea bargain, but I can’t have this Sword of Damocles hanging over my head for one more day.  My word is my bond, so out of integrity, I will be doing this.  I may be on a morphine drip whilst crafting my essay, but it will be done.  I’m currently watching Mischa footage on YouTube in hopes of finding some ray of light upon which I can focus on and translate into two hundred positive and love-filled words.  This is my punishment for over-confidence.

Oh, and I’m not sure that Eminem is ever really suitable for work, so consider yourself warned.  Especially if your employer takes issue with mechanical Kim Kardashian asses.  I’m just sayin’…

And not just with his new track, “I’m Having a Relapse,” but with an autobiography that hits stores today.

The Way I Am recounts the rapper’s childhood and teen years, as well as his recent struggles with drug addiction and the death of his longtime best friend, rapper Proof.

While this is certainly a nice gesture, I think what Em’s fans really want out of him a new album. But he talks in the book about how he’s had trouble writing since Proof’s death.

“After he passed, it was a year before I could really do anything normally again,” he writes. “It was tough for me to even get out of bed, and I had days when I couldn’t walk, let alone write a rhyme … I have never felt so much pain in my life. It’s a pain that is with me to this day. A pain that has become a part of who I am.”