Ummmmm….

Didn’t Elliott Yamin release a semi-successful album last year?

So could someone please explain to me why he’s at Mel’s Diner “surprising” the unsuspecting children who showed up to the Oscar Mayer “Sing the Jingle, Be a Star” contest?

Okay, so, to answer my question, I — for the first time in my “journalistic” career — did some research. And by “research” I mean I typed the words “oscar mayer sing the jingle” into Google and clicked the first item that came up. It turns out AmIdol is co-sponsoring this contest, so Elliott was probably contractually obligated to be there.

I spent the subsequent twenty minutes of the life I only get to live once watching submitted videos on the contest website. It’s addictive. My favorite is the three adult women singing while reading the lyrics from a crib sheet. Like, really? You don’t know the Oscar Mayer Weiner song by heart? I mean, okay, fine, let’s allow for the distant, distant possibility that you somehow haven’t already heard it 80,000 times over the course of your life. But you’re now going to be singing it. On camera. For national distribution. And the song is four lines long. I mean, honestly, how little faith do you have in your own intelligence? These women should not be allowed to procreate. And if they do have children, the state should take them away. These women will never get them back. They’ll show up at Social Services all like “I’d like my kid back” and the receptionist will be all like “Okay, what’s your kid’s name?” and they’ll be all like, “Uhhhh. Shoot. I wrote it down somewhere.”

Geez.