Sopranos star Edie Falco adopted a baby girl named Macy from Florida in February.

From Florida? In February?

Um, did I miss the major tectonic plate shift that resulted in Florida being a part of Africa? I mean, it’s not like I ever read non-celeb news, so it’s possible it just never came across my radar, but that seems unlikely, because doesn’t Jennifer Lopez own a home in Miami? I definitely would have heard about Jennifer Lopez’s Miami home and the tectonic plates beneath it moving to Africa. I’m just going to go ahead and assume that Florida is still a part of the United States, like it was the last time I took geography.

So let me get this straight, Edie. You adopted a child from America? And you didn’t immediately issue a press release?

What kind of a fucking celebrity are you? I get it, I get it. You’re embarrassed that your adopted kid isn’t from Africa. It’s kind of like when you get a new pair of jeans at Express and you like them, you really do, but you don’t really want to advertise that you got them from Express because, like, all the cool kids are wearing Paper Denim. I feel for you, Edie.

Enjoy the kiddo.

Honestly, it looks like Edie Falco was out walking her dog in Chelsea and happened to saunter past the premiere of Romance & Cigarettes, and the photogs were like, “Edie! Edie! Over here! No one else even remotely famous showed up! Let us take your picture!” And Edie, against her best judgment, allowed them to do so, her doggie doo clean-up bag still in hand.

Seriously.

What the fuck is this? I’m not going to bother pointing out all the things wrong with this ensemble, but I feel obliged to mention that the pants aren’t even ironed.