After a bitter 15-month long court battle, Eddie Murphy has been ordered to pay up. After publicly humiliating Melanie Brown by claiming baby Angel Iris wasn’t his, DNA tests proved Murphy was the father. Now he’s stuck with a 51,000 a month child support payment. 

Eddie brought this upon himself. That whole DNA test bull was a bitch move and a low blow. He’s off kicking himself knowing he could have owned up to it, settled things amicably out of court, and probably saved himself millions of dollars

Other Batman castings: Shia LaBeouf as Robin (confirmed) and Rachel Weisz as Catwoman (rumored).

Christian Bale and Michael Caine will be reprising their roles.

A promotion for the upcoming Eddie Murphy film, Meet Dave, spotted in Los Angeles.

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“After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forego having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further. While the recent symbolic union in Bora Bora was representative of our deep love, friendship and respect that we have for one another on a spiritual level, we have decided to remain friends.”

Heh.

Nobody wants to marry your sorry ass, Eddie.

It looks like it.

People magazine is reporting that Eddie and new wife Tracey Edmonds — who tied the knot in Bora Bora just two weeks ago — were supposed to come back to the US to do a legally binding ceremony.

That never happened.

Maybe it has something to do with him being a cocksucking asshole who walked out on his pregnant girlfirend.

I’m just saying.

Eddie “Asshole” Murphy and Tracey Edmonds got hitched on New Years Day in front of 25 friends and family in Bora Bora.

As the sun set, Edmonds walked barefoot down the aisle to a shell-studded gazebo, where the two exchanged vows.

No news on whether the child Murphy fathered with Spice Girl Mel C earlier this year was present.

What a cocksucker.

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Eddie Murphy acknowledged he is the father of Melanie Brown’s young daughter, a day after the former Spice Girl took legal action to establish him as a parent. Murphy, 46, “always has and will continue to honor his responsibilities as a father,” according to a statement released Friday through his publicist, Arnold Robinson.

Well, he “acknowledged” it right after the paternity test came back positive which is a bit like me “acknowledging” I just ate a meal once the bill arrives at my table. Not the most courageous of acts there…

And just to translate Hollyhood speak for you: “always has and will continue to honor his responsibilities” means “will fight like hell to establish that he’s not the father and then once the court system starts bearing down on him he’ll make a statement so as not to look like a total knobjob.” Whew, translating is tough!

“Mr. Murphy and Ms. Brown dated very briefly and never made any plans of ANY sort,” the statement said.

Well, at the very least they made plans to have some sex. They might have been very short term plans, or plans that didn’t have a lot of forethought, but a plan was made nonetheless. Conversely Scary Spice Mel B says:

She said she and Murphy dated for four months in 2006 before mutually deciding to have a child.She said she and Murphy dated for four months in 2006 before mutually deciding to have a child.

So someone is lying. But if it went down like Mel says than the conversation was like this:

Scary: Hey, we’ve been dating four months now…. so…
Eddie: Hmmm? What’s that? I have to go do the donkey voice for Shrek in a few minutes, so let’s make this snappy.
Scary: What I’m saying here is I think we should have a child. Mutually.
Eddie: Okay, sounds good.

The truth, like all great truths in life, is probably somewhere in between. Maybe he agreed to have a kid right before doing it which we all know doesn’t count.

Angel Iris Murphy Brown was born April 3.

No one but me will remember this, but wasn’t there some big stink about the show “Murphy Brown” back in the day? Where she was a single mom and the VP Danny Quayle came out and said she was not a role model and was in fact a big whore? I swear I remember that… so the irony of your kid having that Murphy Brown moniker is not lost on me. Nor should it be on you.

Happy Saturday people!

Isn’t that right, Eddie Murphy?

With girlfriend Tracey Edmonds at the film’s LA premiere.

I include this because it’s Murphy’s other secret shame (besides knocking up Scary Spice).

On that note Scary Spice has given birth. Her spokesmodel said:

“The baby is completely healthy with a good head of hair,” No name has been decided on as yet, and she is purely known as Baby Brown.”

Ed Murphy has already stated he’ll be asking for a paternity test, and at the Oscars he threw out this little bomb to a reporter:

I don’t know whose child that is until it comes out and has a blood test. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions, sir.”

No I shan’t! Oh no, wait, I shall. Mostly because if the spice rack is willing to go the paternity route she’s probably pretty certain. I’m guessing she remembers who she had sex with around that timeframe.

Oh, and proof that God has a sense of humor: The kid was born on Eddie’s birthday. Which is today. Happy birthday Eddie!

Eddie Murphy’s rep/paid liar has come out today defending the Oscar nominee’s behavior at the Academy Awards on Sunday. After Alan Arkin beat out Murphy in the Best Supporting Actor Category Eddie Murphy left the auditorium and didn’t go to any of the post Oscar bashes.

“Eddie had always planned on leaving after his category was announced to spend the rest of the evening with his family. He did the same thing following the Golden Globe Awards.”

Storming out of the Oscars isn’t cool. Most people don’t leave after their category and miss their co-stars’ big performance. Ah “Norbit” wasn’t the best idea was it Eddie?

Eddie Murphy’s rep/paid lair has come out today defending the Oscar nominee’s behavior at the Academy Awards on Sunday. After Alan Arkin beat out Murphy in the Best Supporting Actor Category Eddie Murphy left the auditorium and didn’t go to any of the post Oscar bashes.

“Eddie had always planned on leaving after his category was announced to spend the rest of the evening with his family. He did the same thing following the Golden Globe Awards.”

Storming out of the Oscars isn’t cool. Most people don’t leave after their category and miss their co-stars big performance. Ah “Norbit” wasn’t the best idea was it Eddie.

Eddie Murphy’s rep/paid lair has come out today defending the Oscar nominee’s behavior at the Academy Awards on Sunday. After Alan Arkin beat out Murphy in the Best Supporting Actor Category Eddie Murphy left the auditorium and didn’t go to any of the post Oscar bashes.

“Eddie had always planned on leaving after his category was announced to spend the rest of the evening with his family. He did the same thing following the Golden Globe Awards.”

Storming out of the Oscars isn’t cool. Most people don’t leave after their category and miss their co-stars big performance. Ah “Norbit” wasn’t the best idea was it Eddie.