Last night was the premiere of Drew Barrymore’s new movie and directorial debut, Whip It.  She arrived on the red carpet fondling co-star Ellen Page and cuddling up with her old E.T. director, Steven Spielberg.  Also there was Drew’s other co-star, Juliette “I Can’t Believe You And Your Yellow Teeth Were Once Engaged to Brad Pitt” Lewis and Barrymore’s Flower Films partner Nancy Juvonen (you may remember her for her controversial biceps). On-again, off-again boyfriend Justin Long was nowhere to be found.

Now, I know a lot of you thought it was just the result of some weight-loss, but I still think Drew’s face looks completely retooled ala PTA mom.  Gladly, she listened to the masses and got rid of her two-tone hair.

Drew Barrymore always gives a good interview and the new piece about her in Parade Magazine is no exception. Some of the best quotes from the piece are already floating around the Internets, so I’ve compiled them here for your enjoyment. I know, I’m a goddess.

• On her rocky love life and the “end” of sexual relationships: “Sexual love is secondary to me right now. I’ve spent a lot of time in my life dedicating myself to love or the pursuit of love or the understanding of love. But for the last few years, my life just hasn’t been about that for me.”
• On forgiving her mother for her rocky childhood and moving on from it in her art: “I used to pull a lot emotionally from all the stuff with my family, but I did not do this movie to cleanse myself of the mother-daughter debacle that happened in my life. I have been much more objective about my childhood and my relationship with my mother in these last few years. I used to be more attached to all that. I won’t deny that the baggage was there at one point.”
• On feeling all grown up: “I’ve always wondered what it felt like to be an adult, because I’ve always had to mother myself. I think maybe I finally am one.”

Well, that’s all just great. I can never really stop myself from being happy for Drew, who I believe genuinely tries at everything she does, occasionally to the point of annoyance, but hey! At least she’s trying, right? However, I do think it’s a shame she’s mentions that “sexual love” is secondary right now, especially when she’s publicly dating someone. Now all I can think is “Oh God, Justin Long is sexually unsatisfied. That’s sad… and kind of gross to think about.” Who knows if that’s true, but maybe Drew will feel inspired to chose her words more carefully after that little comment.

Is it me, or does the entire shape of Drew Barrymore’s face look different?  What happened?  Could the dyed-black ends of her hair really make her look that angular?  If so, pass me some Miss Clairol like, yesterday.  I can’t figure it out … it’s like she stole Cate Blanchett’s nose or something.  I was looking through all the photo agency pics taken of Drew this year and she did go through a little phase in June where she was wearing a winter scarf.  Maybe she got that Leno chin shaved down a millimeter or two?  I do think she looks great — just really different.

The top picture is Drew as she appeared this weekend at the Toronto Film Festival and the bottom pic is Drew as she appeared doing press in January for He’s Just Not That Into You.

Updated to say:  I just did some research and I’m happy to report that the folks over at Awful Plastic Surgery are wondering the same thing.

“She was in her frickin’ bra and with an open jacket and hot-pink shorts, skating around the rink with red lips and… and she was sexy as a mother…. a feral creature. It was great.”

Drew Barrymore in a Marie Claire interview, talking about her lust for Whip It co-star Ellen Page’s body.

Drew Barrymore and Justin Long filming scenes for the upcoming movie Going the Distance in Central Park. Yes, it’s a scene for a movie. But does that make it any less nauseating? Also, these two are dating, so this is an example of something that happens all the time in real life. I often wonder how I sleep at night knowing that things like this go on.

Another gossip site had these photos listed as Justin and Drew having a day out in the park, not filming for a movie. But you can tell they’re filming for a movie because in the real world, any woman (or man) with half a gram of common sense and functioning gonads would be turned around the other way in the boat, making out with Charlie Day.

While most of the photos in the gallery are shots of them filming, I’m pretty sure there was something “real world” seriously wrong with that hotdog.

A couple of weeks back, Drew Barrymore denied any rekindling of the fire with He’s Just Not That Into You co-star Justin Long.  Please.

No man looks at a woman like that when they are just friends sharing a mutual respect of one another.  Especially when she’s wearing that ridiculous Inspector Gadget get-up.  And it’s sad because he looks totally in love over brunch yesterday and her wayward penis is never going to allow her to settle down with the Mac guy.

Despite all the pics of them cuddling at the Grey Gardens NYC premiere, Drew claims she and her ex-boyfriend are just good friends. They’re good friends who are also going to be co-starring in a romantic comedy that films later this year. And all of this is just a publicity stunt totally genuine respect for each other.

“We’re doing a film this summer,” she says. “I guess people find it a little confusing. I totally understand. It seems like, ‘What is the deal with them?’ But we just adore each other. We’re in each other’s lives, and we’re friends, and we’re working together, and we have worked together.”

Drew also says she wouldn’t mind it if Justin started dating other people. She hopes he meet “fantastic people because he’s a great guy, and he deserves the most happiness.” As for her own dating life? “I am still just not ready for anything,” she says. “I’ve spent two years really with a very different life than I’ve had before. My priorities have changed. I directed a film. I did this drama [Grey Gardens]. It was something I’ve never done anything like … and I don’t know how to maintain a relationship to be honest, while I’m doing all of that.”

Oh whatever. Let’s say it all together now: “BULLLLLLSHIT.” Justin and Drew are totally boinking, she’d be furious if he started seeing someone else, and she’ll be back in a serious relationship within a month or two.