Considering that a lot of non-famous people probably dressed up like them last night, it’s interesting to see what celebs chose to be for Halloween. I love that Gwen Stefani wasn’t afraid to don a head to toe Jessie (from Toy Story 2) costume to take her kids out trick-or-treating. Gavin gets negative points for taking himself too seriously and not wearing a costume.

Red Hot Chili Peppers frontman Anthony Kiedis and his son both dressed as Eddie Munster while Christina Aguilera and son Max went out as a pair of skeletons. James Gandolfini and designer Christian Siriano both looked unintentionally creepy– one because he was wearing a Homer Simpson mask with the eyes cut out, the other because… well… you’ll see.

Paris Hilton hosted a Halloween party last night at her home in Mulholland Estates. Both she AND boyfriend Doug Reinhardt dressed up as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, which I don’t get. Wouldn’t a Dorothy/Scarecrow, Dorothy/Toto, Dorothy/Tin Man combo have been better than two Dorothys? Or, if you’re trying to be creative, Dorothy/Toto (the band)? I think Reinhardt just wanted to finally wear those size 16 satin pink pumps of his out in public and used this as an excuse. (See more pics in the gallery.)

The party hit the skids when traffic backed up so badly that none of her guests could get into her driveway. That’s not a sexual euphemism. (Since we’re talking about Paris, I thought I should clarify.)

If you’re anything like me, you wake up every morning lately, scan the news headlines, and ask yourself, “Why isn’t Paris Hilton’s name anywhere on here?” Paris has been laying conspicuously low these days, and now perhaps we know why: She’s reconciled with Douche Reinhardt, and she’s probably a little embarrassed about it. I mean, there were practically parades in the streets when they split — everyone hates that guy — but apparently Paris has had trouble finding another Z-lister to worship at her feet.

“They are definitely happy again,” a source tells Us Weekly.

On Monday, The Douche posted on Twitter: “What an amazing weekend with my beautiful girlfriend. I love her so much!” The day before that, he wrote: “Laying in bed watching SportsCenter with my girl.”

Oh, Paris. You’re just gonna break the poor guy’s heart again. And, frankly, you’re breaking mine — do we really need this guy in the spotlight again? JON GOSSELIN IS SINGLE. Please, Paris. I’ve never asked you for anything before. I’ve watched you find some way to insert yourself into the media topic du jour for years and years. And yet all I want in the whole world is for you to get involved with the Jon Gosselin story, and instead you head back to Douche, when you could be front-page headlines for weeks if you’d just spend one night hanging on Jon Gosselin. Stop acting so damn grown-up, Paris. It’s not like you.

Priceless little quotes coming out of the AEG party at Club Nokia last night.

From Paris’s mother, Kathy Hilton:

“I think Paris needs to be with someone who is a bit more mature, older and has their own thing.”

And from her aunt, Kyle Richards, who’s definitely more of a famewhore than Kathy:

“The stories out there about our family not approving of their relationship are completely true. Doug was riding Paris’ coattails. The break-up affected me in a good way. It’s definitely time for Paris to move on.”

Oooh, I love it! I’m actually cackling to myself. I am rejoicing in Douche’s pain! Seriously I have had the worst PMS all day and I’ve been so grumpy but suddenly I am happy and all is well in the world again. I hope Kyle decides to extend this particular fifteen minutes a little further by dishing even more dirt about Paris and The Douche.

Contradicting reports that the douche is devastated and begging Paris to take him back, Doug Reinhardt has released a statement that I’m sure is completely true and is in no way a sad attempt to mollify his painfully damaged douche pride.

“Doug refuses to take part of this ridiculous media circus. He wishes Paris
and all of her future boyfriends the best of luck.” Guess he doesn’t think Ronaldo will be “The One?” And to add to it all, sources close to Doug told us, “Contrary to reports, Paris is begging him to take her back, she made a mistake and loves him 100%.”

100% minus the 70% that has had Ronoldo’s dick implanted in it over the last few days. Because we all know Paris Hilton is 70% vagina. I’m not sure what the other 30% is.

Expect to see more statements like this, followed by outlandish claims about all the chicks he’s supposedly banged, the size of his schlong, and lots and lots of Jager bombs.

Oh you guys. It’s been a crappy day. It’s been a crappy week and a crappy couple of months. But, for a brief shining moment in time, my life is happy. Why, you ask? Because Douche Reinhardt finally got his comeuppance — he was unceremoniously dumped by the reigning queen of unceremonious dumping, Paris Hilton.

“In response to the inquiry on whether Paris Hilton has split up with Doug Reinhardt, yes, this is true they are no longer together. They remain friends and ask that you please respect their privacy,” a rep for Hilton says.

Ummmm whatever. Sources say that Douche is DEVASTATED and begging Paris to take him back. No way, Jose! When will you boys learn? Paris is “so in love” for six months, tops. Then she’s over it. It’s no longer hot. Or huge. Or whatever it is she’s calling it these days. YOU ARE NEVER THE EXCEPTION, BOYS!

Seriously though this happened fast. It was just a couple days ago that Doug was answering questions for Paris on the red carpet. I knew she wouldn’t stand for that for long. NEVER attempt to steal Paris Hilton’s spotlight. She will have her revenge!

So long, Douchie. We won’t miss you. Good luck trying to get Amanda Bynes to take you back … or even The Hills.

WTF? Where does the time go?

It seems like just yesterday Douche Reinhardt was running around town with Amanda Bynes, but in a recent interview with E! he talked about celebrating his six-month anniversary with Paris. Actually, he talked about damn near everything for Paris. You can watch the interview here (it’s not embeddable — come on, E!), and it basically consists of the interviewer trying desperately to get Paris — the actual famous person here — to talk, but she just defers to Douche most of the time. Oh, and then the interviewer asks if Paris is still friends with Kim Kardashian, and Paris shifts around awkwardly as Doug says “no comment.” I’m with Paris on that one. Wendie totally broke our site-wide ban on the dreaded Kim earlier. I’m letting this one slide, Wendie, but next time it happens you’re doing 200 words on why Jenny McCarthy is right about everything.

Also weird? The interview was conducted at the LA premiere of Simon Rex’s new “mockumentary” Rex last night. Uhhhh … does anyone else remember how Paris Hilton and Simon Rex used to suck face all over town whenever one of them was single? Does Douche remember that? Awwwwkward.

Ummmm I think I speak for all of us when I say “WHERE THE HELL IS LINDSAY LOHAN???”

Pictures of the starlet have been exceedingly rare these days. It’s really, really starting to bother me. I look forward every day to the new pics of Lindsay and/or Samantha, and it’s been depressing lately when I check the photo agencies and all they have is pics of Paris and Douche. Seriously, I’m sparing you guys from the worst of it. There are like 500 new pics of these two every single day now. It’s nauseating. They’re currently in NYC promoting Paris’s latest BFF show. Paris filmed Letterman today. I’m sure it was fascinating.

COME BACK LINDSAY!!!!!!

“I don’t really mean everything I say, because I’m not totally that airhead.”  That was Paris Hilton’s unintentionally ironic answer to E!’s question, “You said on the show that you don’t want to get married.  Is that true?”

Yes, the moment we’ve all been waiting for:  Season two of Paris Hilton’s My New BFF!  It premieres tomorrow night on MTV and this installment will feature guest appearances by Kathy Griffin and Lil’ Kim as well as stripper pole challenges.

Paris also cooed that Doug is her real-life BFF because he’s talented – he’s a producer on the Dubai version (because it’s very critical that Paris have BFFs in every major country) — and he buys her presents “all the time.”  A hanger-on who buys her stuff with the money he earns from the job he’d never have if he wasn’t sleeping with her.  He sounds like a dream, really.

In their continuing practice of being as offensive as possible, Paris and her boyfriend tried having sex in a bathroom this weekend which resulted in them getting kicked off a yacht.

It all started when Elton John’s husband, David Furnish invited Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt to a party being held on a friend’s yacht.  That act alone shows some serious bad judgment on the part of Furnish but it pales in comparison to the trashtastic duo.  The couple arrived and were immediately inappropriate.  Like every other public appearance they make, they immediately started making out, groping each other and sticking their tongues down each other’s throats.

That just wasn’t enough attention whoring.  They proceeded downstairs to a bathroom where things escalated before they were interrupted.  The captain was informed of what was going on and had them kicked off the still docked ship.  Yes!

In fairness to Paris, she’s a simple thing.  She was on a boat, saw a door that had a sign on it that read “head” and obediently proceeded.  She’s really not to blame.

And now comes the point in the evening where I take a break from playing Punch Out to look at pictures of celebrities in expensive, but not always beautiful clothing.

Several celebs turned out for the amfAR Cinema Against AIDS Dinner held as part of the Cannes Film Festival. I wish I were the kind of person who opts not to say snarky things about celebrities when they’re actually doing something good and magnanimous, if not exactly altruistic. But let’s be realistic here– if I were that kind of person, I wouldn’t be writing for this blog.

While there were some attractive, well-appointed attendees– Claudia Schiffer looked adorable and Robert Pattinson actually managed to look alluring, not creepy– there were just as many couture trainwrecks.

Diane Kruger fell into one of those giant layer cakes that strippers pop out of and liked the feeling of buttercream between her tits so much that she decided to cover it in fabric and wear it to dinner. Zoe Saldana, who plays Uhura in the new Star Trek movie, couldn’t find a suitable dress, so she cut the tops off of several pairs of extra extra large nude pantyhose, draped them around her shoulders, tied them in a knot, and hoped no one would notice.

Meanwhile, Paris Hilton showed up wearing something that looked like a tinfoil cupcake wrapper mated with the seashell themed accessories decorating your Aunt Dee-Dee’s bathroom. She then proceeded to spread her legs and lean at awkward, 70 degree angles– either because she was posing for photos or because someone was holding a limbo contest just off camera.

In all seriousness, amfAR is a worthy cause, and I’m glad that these celebs took time out of their busy schedules of partying and wearing fancy dresses to party and wear fancy dresses for a cause. I just question the choice of fancy dresses.

Here’s Paris and Doug Reinhardt sucking face around Cannes.  I was thinking of a caption something like “When two douches collide,” but I welcome suggestions.