Last night was the Celebrity Apprentice finale.  It was absolutely riveting television and I cannot believe I didn’t watch this season.  Joan Rivers won $250,000 for her charity, God’s Love We Deliver, but more importantly Joan Rivers’ face is an absolute work of art.  That thing doesn’t move.

A couple years ago, Donald weighed in on the whole Lindsay Lohan situation, which oddly enough is relatively unchanged today.  The advice he had for Lindsay was, “Find what you love doing (other than drugs and alcohol), work hard, stay focused, get a new set of parents.”  She obviously didn’t take his advice but she apparently did send him a case of her Sevin Nyne self-tanner.  Donald was distractingly orange last night.

Anyway, The Great Pumpkin is in love with himself and had a three-hour finale that seriously could have been done in sixty minutes.  Joan won.  Donald’s a tangerine.  Oh, and you could see clear through professional poker player and challenger Annie Duke’s dress.

“She better get the hell out. If she goes back, she’s a loser, and she doesn’t deserve to have any future success.”

Donald Trump, to Inside Edition, about Rihanna and Chris Brown.

Ya know, this is the first time in my whole life that I’m glad Donald Trump didn’t keep his big fat mouth shut. We’re agreed here, Mr. Trump.

Sigh.

I am SO OVER Donald Trump and this stupid show of his. If it weren’t the slowest news day in recent history (YES I KNOW THERE’S A WAR IN GAZA BUT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT CELEBRITIES) I wouldn’t even report on this.

With NBC now issuing its cue Thursday to go public, the major media can take pride at having kept the lid on names like country music’s Clint Black, TV personality Khloe Kardashian and former “Baywatch” babe Brande Roderick.

Others risking the wrath of Donald Trump in the boardroom will include Olympic figure skating gold medalist Scott Hamilton, singer Brian McKnight, comedian Tom Green and former football great Herschel Walker. Also poker champ Annie Duke, pro golfer Natalie Gulbis, “Deal or No Deal” model Claudia Jordan, singer Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins and former “Monster Garage” host Jesse James, a custom bike and car builder …

The 16 celebrities will not be vying for a job with Trump, as in past civilian “Apprentice” seasons, but instead will compete in business-oriented tasks around Manhattan to raise money for their favorite charities. (McKnight’s chosen charity is Youthville USA, while Watkins will be playing for the Sickle Cell Foundation of Georgia, and Kardashian has chosen the Brent Shapiro Foundation for Alcohol and Drug Awareness.)

Does anyone else find it totally hilarious that Khloe “DUI” Kardashian is raising funds for an alcohol and drug awareness charity? I mean, not that it’s not a great cause, it’s just a painfully obvious PR move.

Anyway, the show airs in March on a channel. I’m not telling you when and I’m not telling you what channel and please, for the love of God, don’t watch it. These people do not need your encouragement.

WHO THE FUCK IS STILL WATCHING THIS SHIT?

ZOMG.

NBC is going to be airing two hours of Celebrity Apprentice in its winter season. I haven’t watched this show in years, and I don’t plan to tune in this year either. Who are you people who are still watching this? If you’re out there, and you’re reading this, please unmask yourself. Why do you still enjoy this show? And so much that there is now going to be two hours of it each week?

How desperate is NBC right now?

Watch how it’s being spun:

What makes NBC’s decision interesting is that the network only recently officially asked “Apprentice” executive producer Mark Burnett to upsize the show, according to a source with knowledge of the request. Production on the new season of the series had already wrapped, and some sources predicted producers might have to scramble to fill the time.

Mr. Burnett, however, said that NBC officials had actually been talking to him about expanding the show “for weeks.” He said that he and Mr. Trump welcomed the decision.

“It’s great,” he said during a brief telephone conversation from New York. “It wasn’t a sudden call at all. During production, the people at NBC were saying the show was so great and should really be two hours.”

Mr. Burnett said Mr. Trump is particularly pumped by the expansion.

“Donald has always felt the boardrooms were too short, and I think he’s right,” Mr. Burnett said. “Right now, there’s really only about nine minutes of footage that we use and the boardroom (scenes) go on for hours sometimes. The problem has been trying to squeeze it all in. Every season we go through the struggle of cutting the show down.

“This wasn’t a sudden call,” Mr. Burnett added. “It really came from how strongly everyone felt about the show when we were shooting.”

For the rumored cast list of this coming atrocity, jump in.

(more…)

David Blaine and Donald Trump announce their upcoming endurance challenge, where Blaine will hang upside down for three days from a thin wire strung five stories above New York. He’ll be attached to the wire with electro-magnetic boots.

Since we all know Donald Trump secretly hopes to run for President one day, it’s only fair that we start caring about his political opinions now.

Trump will be voting for McCain — because he thinks Obama fucked everything up by picking Biden as his running mate.

“I know John McCain, and John McCain’s a great guy, a tremendous guy. I’ve known him for a long time. And I’m with him, and I’m with him based on the fact that I have great knowledge of John McCain … The fact is, that Obama went limping across the finish line. He should have chosen Hillary, it would have been a much different race, I believe.”

Records show that Trump donated money to Hillary Clinton during the primaries … but has donated to McCain since then.

What do you guys think?

Donald Trump has offered to buy the LA mansion of Ed McMahon — saving it from foreclosure — and then lease it back to McMahon, who defaulted on his loans.

The developer told the Los Angeles Times he doesn’t know McMahon personally, but acted out of compassion because helping out “would be an honor.”

“When I was at the Wharton School of Business I’d watch him every night,” Trump told the Times. “How could this happen?”

Dude, Trump, do you ever fucking even hear yourself? Must you plug Wharton every chance you get? We get it, dude, you went to a good business school. But that was like 100 years ago, and you sound like a complete tool whenever you go out of your way to mention it. It’s like, ya know, I was on the honor roll in middle school, but I don’t bring it up much these days, because nobody cares and I’d sound like an asshole.

The deal is expected to be completed sometime soon.

And also, just so we’re all clear here, what Donald Trump is actually doing is purchasing valuable Los Angeles real estate at foreclosure prices at a time when the market’s down anyway — and the property comes complete with both a renter and tons of free publicity!

DONALD TRUMP IS DOING NO ONE A FAVOR HERE EXCEPT FOR DONALD TRUMP.