I’m truly not trying to shake your faith in mankind but there does seem to be a theft and betrayal theme to the celebrity news stories tonight.

Darryl McCauley, manager to comedian Dane Cook, was arrested today on larceny and forgery charges.  In one incident, McCauley allegedly transferred $3 million from Cook’s account into his own.  It goes to show you how stupid criminals can be.  Did he really think Dane wouldn’t notice $3 million missing? 

Stealing from your boss is bad enough but here’s the real Happy Holidays for you:  Did I mention that McCauley is Dane Cook’s brother?  Yes, the fuck over came from his very own flesh and blood.

People’s interest in this topic never fails to intrigue me. But, yeah, they’re still dating. They were spotted at Hyde recently, where this picture was taken. I hate to be a bitch (I don’t know why I even bother prefacing statements that way, because it’s so not true), but Cacee’s looking a little big in the hips. I mean, it’s totally fine if you want to just let your hips get big, or allow your inner thighs to become, like, chemically bonded to one another, but do you really have to go to Hyde during the aftermath? It’s like showing up at the Ivy in full Nazi garb. We are going to write mean things about you.

[via BarbieMartini]

• I haven’t posted about Donald Faison and Cacee Cobb in at least two days. So you’ll all be relieved to know that they showed up together to TV Guide’s Post-Emmy bash at Social Hollywood. I think it’s time to stop speculating and start coping. They’re a couple.
• Gwen Stefani is boycotting the VMAs because she tries really hard to sing good and dance sexy but she just really feels like they’re being nicer to Kelly Clarkson and sometimes she feels picked on like they just really don’t care if they hurt her feelings and it’s just not faaaaiiiir.
• Yes, okay, here’s the Beyonce nip slip. Are you happy? Now leave me to wallow in the sad, Beyonce-nip-slip-posting life I’ve created for myself. I wanted to write literary fiction once, you know.

• La Lohan’s pop would like the opportunity to expound on his prison art.
• Recently divorced Hilary Swank is dating her not-quite-yet-divorced agent at CAA. Will she never get involved with someone famous?
• JT and Cameron in splitsville? Perez Hilton thinks mayhaps.
• I am not writing about or linking to anything regarding Suri Cruise’s fecal matter, be it bronzed or otherwise. I’m just not. Sorry to disappoint.

Just a few random clips I thought I’d leave for anyone who swings by this weekend.

Remember when Jessie Spano was abusing caffeine pills? Yes, you do. You reminisce about it at least once weekly with your friends. Unless you’re one of the people who keeps showing up on this site searching for Cacee Cobb and Donald Faison, in which case you are 14 at best, and the only thing you know about Mark-Paul Gosselaar is that he died in a car accident at least 5 times before you finished elementary school.

Speaking of Donald Faison’s love interests, here’s Garden State as a horror trailer, via The Trailer Mash.

And last but not least, probably the most appropriate use of a treadmill I’ve seen in years. Thanks to Alex for the link.

• Zach Braff thinks this season of Scrubs will be his last. Hey, you know who could step in as Donald Faison’s replacement love interest? Cacee Cobb! [for those of you spelling-challenged googlers out there: fason, casey, cob, kasey, KC, casee, fison, feson, faizon]
• Nicole Richie walks into a bar. Stop the well-endowed singer of the Spores if you’ve heard this one before…
• Need to kick-start a buzz for the eight billionth season of your tiresome island-based reality show? Try racism!
• Tom Cruise officially too stupid for the studio that greenlit Nacho Libre.

It is truly a mystery to me, but you show up here in droves each day via search terms like “cacee & donald” or “cacee cobb and donald faison,” and lord only knows how many of you would end up here if you spelled their names correctly. I guess I’m further out of touch than I’d believed; why anyone cares about these two individually or together eludes me.

But anyway.

E! Online’s Lara Morgenson says they showed up hand-in-hand at Justin Timberlake’s HOB show last week.

So there you go. Cacee Cobb and Donald Faison are totally doing it. How’s that for knowing your audience?

Boo-yah.

Yes, Jessica Simpson’s ultra-annoying former BFF and the kick-ass Zack Braff sidekick from Scrubs are rumored to be bumping uglies. I heard about this on Molly Good, who has some interesting observations on the subject (”either she’s bearable or he’s not nearly as cool as he comes off”), and I suggest you instruct your RSS to track further updates through her, because I don’t know how much of this I’ll be able to follow without feeling queasy.