Last night was the 2009 Tony Awards Meet the Press Reception.  I mean, really, there are so darn many reasons to party.  I’m having some friends over for lunch this Saturday but “having some friends over for lunch” sounds sooo boring.  I’m thinking of something like Midday Sandwich Soiree  Or, the National Institute of Barbecue 2009 Afternoon Gala.  What do you think?

Lots of the oldies but goodies were there like Dolly Parton, Liza Minelli, Jane Fonda…oh…and Martha Plimpton.  Yes, you may not have known this, but she went totally Mennonite now that she’s the ripe old age of thirty-nine.  Nothing but knee-length skirts and librarian blouses for her.

I don’t know if it was a matter of poor lighting, but when Constantine-remember him from American Idol?-looks presentable, something is wrong.

Watching You Are What You Eat– the BBC show where the skinny pale-looking British lady smells your farts and looks at your poo to tell you you’ve got too much yeast in your diet– has convinced me to start referring to my weight in terms of stone instead of pounds– because 11 stone sounds so much more managable, and no one really has any idea how much that is. Stop your mouses right now– don’t you DARE go to a weight conversion site. I weeel keeel you.

That’s sort of an awkward segue into talking about how much I fucking looooooove Dolly Parton.  Maybe I could draw a flimsy connection to how I wish I was as confident in my own skin as she is. Whatever. I feel like talking about BBC America and Dolly Parton, so that’s what I’m going to do.

In reference to Miss Dolly, she’s got a new album out… on Cracker Barrel Records. Some of you might need a little bit of an explanation of what a Cracker Barrel is. It’s a southern cooking restaurant with lots of collectible crap plastered on the walls and a store attached to the front end where you can browse through scented candles and sweatshirts with glittery kitties on them while you wait to be seated. And they named it Cracker Barrel. Let the whitey jokes begin.

Released March 24, “Backwoods Barbie: Collector’s Edition” debuted at No. 9 on Top Country Albums and No. 40 on the Billboard 200, selling 12,000 copies its first week.

The title track will be featured in the Broadway musical “9 to 5,” for which Parton wrote the score. The musical’s formal premiere takes place April 30 at the Marquis Theater in New York.

“Me and Cracker Barrel have a lot in common: We’re both Tennessee-based and country people,” Parton said during a break from “9 to 5″ rehearsals. “I thought we’d make a perfect pairing, and evidently it’s working.”

How awesome is it that there’s going to be a “9 to 5″ musical? And Having a top ten record come out of a Cracker Barrel is amazing. It’s the equivalent of one of those instrumental cd’s of jazz shit they circulate through Starbuck’s going gold.

And I love the fact that she named her album “Backwoods Barbie.” You’ve got to understand that she’s being self deprecating, not flag-waving some kind of backwards provincialism ala’ My Big Fat Redneck Wedding. Being “backwoods” is part of who she is and where she came from, but it’s not all there is to her.

If you think she’s just some backwoods trailer park pageant queen with less than two brain cells to rub together under that giant blonde wig, then you have obviously never bothered to listen to one of her interviews. Say what you want about giant knockers and removed ribs, but she teeters ever so gracefully– in tight sequined dresses and 4-inch heels– on a fine line between crass and class.

My dad drove a tour bus for an alt country group in the 70’s. Aside from what I am sure were copious amounts of drug use, that job also afforded him the opportunity to meet more than a few famous faces, including Dolly Parton at some sort of shindig in L.A. He introduced himself and talked to her for all of about five minutes.

Years later, while parking cars for an event at the Grand Ole Opry, Dolly rolled up, stepped out of her car, saw my dad, and exclaimed “Tom Hays! What in the hell are you doing here?!”

Just the fact that someone as famous as her– and we’re talking world-wide standard punchline in any joke about big boobs famous– not only remembered his name, but had the good manners to say hello to him and greet him like a long lost friend really floors me. Even if you knew nothing about her work with children’s literacy, or the fact that she is second only perhaps to Bob Dylan in terms of being responsible for almost every single hit song in the last 40 years, that alone should be reason enough for you to love her.

It might also explain how she’s managed to get a Cracker Barrel album into the top 10 on the Billboard country charts while Jessica Simpson can’t even manage to maintain her record deal.

And to answer your question: YES, I have been to Dollywood. And it was awesome.

Here’s Dolly addressing the National Press Club Luncheon in DC on Tuesday.

Before you ask, she’s 63.

Here’s 62-year-old Dolly Parton, looking fabulous and bringing down the house at a performance at Radio City Music Hall.

You’re so hot, Dolly.