Dina Lohan has once again headed to the interview circuit to plea for her daughter’s privacy.  Because there’s really no better way to ensure anonymity than to be contacting all major media outlets.

Dina speaks of her daughter’s apparent inability to keep from being hacked.  “Last month her personal cell was posted online and now her phone messages have been hacked.  This must stop. She is a 22-year-old girl who needs to live her life in peace. The tabloids need to leave her alone with all the lies and reporting with no proof.”  Yes, Dina, the tabloids need to leave her alone.  And what better way than by you contacting People magazine to talk about your kid? 

Mother of the Year also defends her daughter in regards to the Elle U.K. jewel theft, saying that accusations are “defamatory, false and unfair.” 

Lindsay is such a victim.  Always and in every way.

Oh, Dina Lohan.  She is every bit the mother I’m so thankful I don’t have.

Last night Dina, Lindsay and Ali were doing coke out on the town.  They arrived at Hollywood nightclub Villa and were turned away at the door.  Why?  Because Ali Lohan is fifteen years old, that’s why!  The door dude said, “No,” and Dina replied with the so overused and tired inquiry, “Do you know who I am?”  Big sister Linds, who should not be pointing out anyone’s mistakes to anyone, chimed in, “You’re making a big mistake!  Huge!”  Yet still, Access.  Denied.

Sad and disturbing-a random bouncer offers more guidance and parental judgment to Ali than her own mother and sister.  What does Ali”s future look like if she’s trying to get into nightclubs at fifteen?  See?  This is how far removed I am from the Hollywood mindset; it’s why I just can’t relate.  I heard this tale of denial at the door and all I could think was, “Wait, isn’t this a school night for Ali?”  I also thought, “How the hell was Drew Barrymore getting into clubs at eight?”

Anyway, if Ali wants to keep pace towards the goal of rehab by seventeen, handbag designer by nineteen and memoir by twenty, she needs to get started on her meth habit, shoplifting convictions and sex tape, like, now.

She’s alive!!!

After falling off the radar for OVER A WEEK, Lindsay Lohan and some weird-ass gloves resurfaced this weekend in New York, along with her mom and sister, Ali. Dude. CHECK OUT THE TITS ON ALIANA. That girl is 15 years old. She can’t drive a car, but you sure can motorboat those titties.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Ooh, Lindsay, work it, girl!

La Lohan hit up a Stand Up for the Cure event in NYC. It doesn’t look like Samantha was there … but Dina was. Ick. I like Samantha WAY better than Dina as a date for Lindsers.

Also there: Jessica Szohr, Aubrey O’Day, Bethenny Frankel, and Julianna Margulies and her ridiculously hot, young lawyer husband. I want to perform open-pants surgery on him.

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson — and their mothers — spend some quality time together in New York.

This is getting serious.

Also, Samantha Ronson’s look has changed considerably over the past couple of weeks. She looks more … human. Is it possible the recent flurry of paparazzi photos of her has caused her to take a good hard look in the proverbial mirror and realize how strange she looks all the time? She definitely is looking much better these days.

So … why exactly did Dina Lohan leave the after-party for the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 premiere in a huff?

Depends on who you believe.

Most people say that Dina, drunk as hell, threw a fit when she, Ali and a friend of Ali’s sat down at a reserved table and were later asked to move by a staffer. Dina “went apeshit,” says a source. “It so wasn’t cool.” Dina was then asked to leave the event.

However, in an email to Mark Malkin, Dina says she left voluntarily because the staffer was raising his voice to them. “He made the girls uncomfortable,” she wrote. “At that point, the girls wanted to leave.”

Um … why was he raising his voice? Because you were being an asshole about being asked to leave a table that was reserved for someone else? Yeah. Were you so hungover when you wrote this that this explanation made sense, Dina?

Another party-goer insists that the staffer was perfectly polite. “Dina was so awful,” said the source.

Is that Dina Lohan was asked to leave the after-party for the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 premiere because she was so completely trashed.

Like mother like daughter!

Meanwhile, Lindsay and SamRo stayed up until 4 am partying at an NYC gay bar. However, no reports of any incidents with Lindsay, so it’s possible she actually stayed sober that whole time. Samantha is her new drug!