Denise, your kids hate this shit.

Seriously, Denise, your kids hate this shit.

Stop. It.

On Sunday, all the celebrities who weren’t at the Disney event for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation dragged their asses (and the diapered asses of their small children) all the way down to Anaheim for the opening of the Finding Nemo ride.

I’m primarily interested in these images because, once again, Denise Richards insisted on trotting her obviously anti-camera children in front of photogs again. This time she only brought Sam, leaving Lola at home in peace, I suppose. These children always look unhappy in photos. Why do you insist on doing this to them, Denise?

In stark contrast, Brooke Shields’ little daughters, Rowan and Grier, are absolutely adorable. Mariska Hargitay was there with her son August. Kobe Bryant brought his whole family. Courteney Cox and Lisa Kudrow were there for reasons that baffle me. (Actually, Courteney was probably there because David Arquette and his sister Patricia, who brought her daughter and goddaughter, were.) Leah Remini, Scientologist extraordinaire, brought her husband Angelo Pagan and her daughter, Sofia Bella (Pagan’s three children from his previous marriage clearly lost their invites in the mail). Melissa Joan Hart brought her cutie son Mason. And no event would be complete without the darling Sprouse Brothers, still pretending to be 15 years old.

Denise Richards puts on a brave face with her grumpy Sheen-spawn, Sam and Lola, at a Disney-sponsored party in Bel Air on Thursday.

There are seriously nearly 40 pictures of Denise and these children on WireImage right now. There is not a single picture in which these kids look anything short of miserable. I checked them all. Look at their eyes! They’re like, “Save me from this childhood!” I just find this incredibly funny and I needed to share it with you all.

I give her a lot of shit for, you know, aging over these last few years, but after popping out two kids, battling Hep C, and enduring over 25 divorces, the Tool Time Girl still looks damn good. This bitch is 39 — she’ll be 40 in a little over a month — and her body still looks better than mine did at 17. Not. Fair.

She’s in Cannes, at a yacht party for her new film, Blonde and Blonder. Denise Richards, who co-stars with her in the film and who just broke up with Heather Locklear’s seconds, doesn’t appear to have made the trip. Interestingly, earlier this month, the story was that Anderson would not be attending, choosing instead to spend time with her sons, but Richards would be there instead. It seems as though there’s been a change of plans. I wonder if Richards’ recent break-up had anything to do with it …

It’s a good day to be Heather Locklear. Denise Richards, who took up with her (ex-) best friend’s ex-husband before the ink was dry on the divorce papers, has officially split from rocker Richie Sambora. Richards’ rep confirms that “Denise and Richie broke up two months ago.” According to a friend of Richards (she has friends?), “they didn’t want to make it public because they lived through public divorces and it was very painful.”

Um, very painful for whom? Very painful to the spouses you dumped five minutes before you jumped into each other’s pants?

The couple reportedly still remain friends, with Denise even flying across the country to attend a funeral for Richie’s father, who deid of cancer on April 20. “She took the next flight – a red eye – to be with him,” says Denise’s friend (she has friends?? They must not have husbands).

[source]

Probably. She’s also a whore, a slut, a raging bitch, a homewrecker, a shitty actress and a little flabby around the waist. Unfortunately, the only thing this set of pictures proves is the last one. But they sure have started a firestorm on the Internet.

What I’d like to talk about is what the fuck happened to the knuckles on her left hand. Has she spent some time down on all fours on the carpet for Richie Rich? Has she been moonlighting as an Ultimate Fighting Champion? Or is Heather Locklear’s voo-doo doll finally working?

Joe Francis is kind enough to voice his opinion on the sexual strengths and weaknesses of young Hollywood, with Paris Hilton in a commanding lead. He also manages to plug ParisExposed about ten times, which is quite the favor for a website he claims to despise. Turn the other cheek, eh, Joe? [TMZ]

Denise Richards: what’s not to hate? [Celebrity Smack]

Reese and Ryan suck it up and attend their daughter’s school play together. I’m so Team Reese on this one. [A Socialite's Life]

Congratulations, DJ AM. You’ve earned yourself another fifteen minutes of fame. And, yes, Mandy, Zach’s pissed. Everybody wins! [Just Jared]

Kate at Fishbowl has the 411 on Top Design behind the scenes. [FishbowlLA]

“The first time I get into a car accident and I see a blind guy get out of the other car — I’m kicking somebody’s ass.” [Pajiba]

For what it’s worth, National Enquirer is reporting that Nick & Vanessa are engaged. [The Bosh]