I don’t know why Demi Moore is Tweeting these pictures of herself.  I assume the message is to love yourself no matter what, and I can accept that.  What I don’t understand is how Moore got those gargantuan implants for that stripper movie but doesn’t have an implant put in her head to…well…bridge the gap.

A few weeks ago, Wendie wrote a post about how Ashton Kutcher tweeted his wife’s twat, sending out a picture of Demi bending over in a white, distinctly hanes-her-way, creepy old men getting turned on by the underwear section of the Sears catalog style bikini. Then, her kids responded, supposedly saying they were mortified by the very public exchanges Demi and Ashton constantly send over the “micro-blogging” service.

At first I felt embarrassed for the kids, because I wouldn’t want pictures of my mom’s butt plastered all over the internet either. But it turns out Demi’s kids don’t know shit. In addition to posting embarrassing butt shots, Twitter can also be used to save lives.

Late Thursday, the G.I. Jane star received a frightening tweet from a woman named “sandieguy.”

“I’m just wondering if anyone cares that I’m gonna kill myself now,” she wrote to the star. Serious or not, her previous messages that hour—not directed at any one particular person—showed the Silicon Valley girl contemplating suicide and wavering on the decision.

Shortly thereafter, the girl messaged the Ghost actress again. “Getting a knife, a big one that is sharp. Going to cut my arm down the whole arm so it doesn’t waste time,” she wrote.

Moore immediately replied, “Hope you are joking,” sharing the scenario with her nearly 400,000 followers.

The brief exchange inspired several people to contact the authorities.

“At 4:37 this morning, the San Jose Police Department received a call from a citizen requesting that we check on the welfare of a 41-year-old female,” San Jose Police Sgt. Ronnie Lopez tells E! News. “The caller indicated that she had been sending out messages on Twitter. Officers were sent to the address. There were no injuries but officers determined that the woman fit the criteria to be brought in for psychiatric evaluation, which she is currently undergoing.”

So I guess celeb watching on Twitter is good for all kinds of desperate cries for help.

We get more of Rumer than we can take, and a decent dose of Tallulah, but it’s ever so rare that we see middle daughter Scout Willis photographed with her mom, Demi Moore. Scout’s almost 18 now, and she accompanied her mother (and their two hottie bodyguards!) for a walk around Nice.

I’m sorry, but these Willis girls are just proof that when beautiful people mate, the offspring are not always all that beautiful. Unless those two people are Brad and Angelina. In which case the babies are guaranteed to be beautiful. Really all babies anywhere just need to be touched by Angelina and they’re guaranteed to be beautiful. Demi Moore? Not so much. I have these internal debates as to whether it was Demi’s genetics or Bruce’s that caused all the facial problems with these girls. Seriously I dedicate minutes of my life to pondering this. That’s just how unexciting my sex life is.

But it would have to be Bruce, right?

Thoughts?

Ashton Kutcher tweeted his wife’s ass on Twitter.  That makes him a twat, right?  It would make him an ex-husband if he were married to me, but I’ve never been tolerant of men who refer to their spouses as “wifey” anyway.  Ah, that pesky Nikon celebrity endorser…

Demi Moore seriously has the best ass for a forty-six-year-old.  Is this a result of Kabbalah?  Because, I just tied about eighteen red strings around my wrist and I’ve already lost two pounds.  And I’m feeling way more holier.  Than thou, that is.

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore take in New Orleans Saints game against the Atlanta Falcons at the Georgia Dome.

I have to admit, I was one of the doubters of these two, but I’ve become a believer. They still seem genuinely in love. More power to them, I suppose.

You guys, something wonderful has happened in the past few hours.

I left the office around three feeling grumpy and annoyed with the world. I was just in one of those little funks where, despite the fact that my life is essentially perfect, I’m still like “I never get what I want, nothing is fair, why do I even try, I’m so over everything.” I just wanted to throw a temper tantrum and hit people in the face.

Then I did a half hour on the elliptical machine at the gym, staring out the window at the glorious, pounding, cool Seattle rain, spent time getting honest with some friends, did an hour and a half of yoga and then came home to find a hundred new pictures of Rumer Willis at the House Bunny premiere on a photo service. And you know what? I felt not a tinge of hatred. I am relaxed and at peace with the world. I have nothing mean to say about Rumer right now. I have nothing mean to say about Ashton. I have nothing mean to say about Demi Moore. And there are like a million mean things to say about why Bruce Willis isn’t there, but I don’t feel like typing out any of them.

I think it’s sweet that there is obviously so much love and support in that family. This is a big day for Rumer and how wonderful that they can be there to cheer her on.

Look at me!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Don’t worry kids, this won’t last. Otherwise I’d be out of a job.

Rumer may finally be on her way out!

Demi Moore brought Tallulah Belle to the NYC screening of Flawless.

No Rumer in sight!

This is probably because Rumer lives in LA and the screening was in NY, but I like to think it’s because the Moore-Willis family has finally decided to disown her.

Bruce Willis was also there, with model Emma Hemming, who I assume is one of his hos in different area codes.