You guys, something wonderful has happened in the past few hours.

I left the office around three feeling grumpy and annoyed with the world. I was just in one of those little funks where, despite the fact that my life is essentially perfect, I’m still like “I never get what I want, nothing is fair, why do I even try, I’m so over everything.” I just wanted to throw a temper tantrum and hit people in the face.

Then I did a half hour on the elliptical machine at the gym, staring out the window at the glorious, pounding, cool Seattle rain, spent time getting honest with some friends, did an hour and a half of yoga and then came home to find a hundred new pictures of Rumer Willis at the House Bunny premiere on a photo service. And you know what? I felt not a tinge of hatred. I am relaxed and at peace with the world. I have nothing mean to say about Rumer right now. I have nothing mean to say about Ashton. I have nothing mean to say about Demi Moore. And there are like a million mean things to say about why Bruce Willis isn’t there, but I don’t feel like typing out any of them.

I think it’s sweet that there is obviously so much love and support in that family. This is a big day for Rumer and how wonderful that they can be there to cheer her on.

Look at me!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Don’t worry kids, this won’t last. Otherwise I’d be out of a job.

Rumer may finally be on her way out!

Demi Moore brought Tallulah Belle to the NYC screening of Flawless.

No Rumer in sight!

This is probably because Rumer lives in LA and the screening was in NY, but I like to think it’s because the Moore-Willis family has finally decided to disown her.

Bruce Willis was also there, with model Emma Hemming, who I assume is one of his hos in different area codes.

Ashton Kutcher was spotted in NYC with his wife, the elderly Demi Moore.

He’s in New York filming What Happens in Vegas…, co-starring Cameron Diaz (who seems to be set on dating the entirety of New York City while she’s in town).

Check out the ouchie on the right-hand side of Ashton’s forehead. Is that makeup for the shoot or did he hurt himself??

Mark my words on this, people. I’m just saying now that I called it. And if I’m still doing this shit in five years I will refer you all back to this post when she’s ridiculously famous. Also, if I’m still doing this shit in five years, kill me.

Rumer’s the oldest, and she’s kind of tip-toeing onto the celebutante scene, and we’re trying to welcome her because God knows we need some new blood around here, but the fact is she’s not all that attractive or interesting and photos of her tend to fall a little flat.

But Tallulah? Look at her. The camera loves this girl. Your eye immediately goes to her. She has that thing. She just looks like trouble. She’s only 13 now, so you’ve gotta give her a few years to build up a drug habit, but I guarantee you people this girl is going to be all over these blogs by 2011 or so.

At the Live Free or Die Hard premiere in NYC.

Am I the only one that notices Ashton has a HUGE package?

The happy (and maybe preggers??) Ashton-Demi couple made an appearance at Mentor LA’s Promise gala honoring Tom Cruise. I think Demi Moore looks absolutely stunning for a woman her age, but if you look closely at her legs in the hi-def versions of these pics, she definitely is getting old-lady knees. That makes me happy because it means I still have something on Demi Moore, and it also makes me sad because it is proof that, no matter how much time, money and effort you put into it, you can’t totally pass for 20’s when you’re in your 40’s. Heh. Well, I still have fifteen years or so for plastic surgery to improve. It is nice that Mentor LA is “a nonprofit organization dedicated to revitalizing the schools and neighborhoods of some of the most disenfranchised communities in Los Angeles,” but maybe we need to be investing our time and energy in things that will allow me to have hot kneecaps when I’m 40.

Also, just to be a bitch, it’s nice that these people can piggyback off Tom Cruise’s fame in order to try to do something good for the world, but I can’t really figure out just what Tom did for these people. Their website briefly calls him their “supporter,” and talks a little about how much his movies make, but I get the sense this is more like “We want to thank Tom Cruise for lending us his name and face so that everyone will write about our event,” than “We want to thank Tom Cruise for his generous donations and his vocal support for the fact that real problems require real solutions, not horror stories about aliens and a backlash against the science of psychiatry.” But whatevs. Among the gala’s chairs were Ron Meyer (that’s the daddy of Spiderman’s baby mama, Jennifer Meyer), Terry Semel (the Yahoo guy and dad of Courtenay Semel, Paris Hilton wannabe and world-class but-her-face), and Paula Wagner, Cruise’s producing partner.

It’s not out of the question says Demi.

“Once you hit three, where you’re outnumbered, it’s really, like, ‘What’s the difference between (three or) four or five?,”‘ she said.

Hmm, I guess there is no difference at all if you are super rich.

In some ways though I find this story heartening, at least until it comes out that Ashton cheated with Tara Reid or something, then I’ll be freshly jaded.

Also, that hat is stupid.

It’s not out of the question says Demi.

“Once you hit three, where you’re outnumbered, it’s really, like, ‘What’s the difference between (three or) four or five?,”‘ she said.

Hmm, I guess there is no difference at all if you are super rich.

In some ways though I find this story heartening, at least until it comes out that Ashton cheated with Tara Reid or something, then I’ll be freshly jaded.

Also, that hat is stupid.