They fall flat on their faces too!

Why, oh why do I find people falling on their faces to be one of the funniest things ever?  And why isn’t there video of Jennifer Garner wiping out as she went for a run?  If you’re really into gross stuff like pus, WireImage was kind enough to capture close-ups of the injuries.  Why?  I.  Have.  No.   Idea.

Garner appeared last night on Late Show with David Letterman and got some TLC from Dave, who isn’t sounding so hot himself.  She, in turn, gave him some tea and honey.

I’d like to apologize in advance for the Canada tourism advertisement CBS insists we must watch in the beginning.  It’s the goofiest ever and makes me feel embarrassed for the entire country.

David Letterman has always struck me as so logical and rational, but he’s gone hog-wild and married his girlfriend of twenty-three years.  The transcript from tonight’s Late Show With David Letterman:

On Thursday, at 3 PM, March 19, 2009 at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko.

Regina and I began dating in February of 1986, and I said, ‘Well, things are going pretty good, let’s just see what happens in about ten years….’

…I had avoided getting married pretty good for, like, 23 years, and I – honestly, whether this happened or not – I secretly felt that men who were married admired me…like I was the last of the real gunslingers, you know what I’m saying?

So now, we get ready to go and we’ve got to drive into the courthouse and it’s muddy, and we’re supposed to be there at 2, and it’s me, Regina and Harry in the truck, in the pickup truck…So we get two miles from the house and we get stuck in the mud – I mean, turn the truck over, stuck in the mud. So now we think, ‘Well, somebody’ll come– no, nobody comes along. Nobody comes along – it’s Thursday afternoon, who’s coming along, Zorro? No, nobody – so I get out of the truck and I walk two miles back to the house into a 50 mile an hour wind. It’s not Beverly Hills, it’s Montana, for God’s sakes. And the whole way, I’m thinking, ‘See, smart ass, see, see, you try to get married, this is what happens. See, well, you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself. Could have happened any other day, but you wait now, see, this is what you get.’ So then we get in the car and Harry says, ‘Are we still going into town?’ and I said, ‘Yes, we are,’ and he gets very upset because mom had told him if I wasn’t back in an hour, the deal was off.

There aren’t too many pictures of his wife, Regina Lasko.  I do have one in the photo gallery of the happy couple with their son, Harry.

Congratulations!

Here is a realization that I just had: Hollywood seems more capable of speaking out against Jeremy Piven’s recent actions than about Chris Brown’s.

I’ve heard a ton of celebrities go on the record to call Jeremy out for dropping out of his Broadway show due to “mercury poisoning,” but nobody seems to want to go on the record to call out Chris Brown on beating the shit out of his girlfriend. In fact, Usher just issued an apology for being videotaped saying that Chris Brown should “show some remorse.” What. The. Fuck?

Anyway, here’s Felicity Huffman chatting with David Letterman about how her husband, William H. Macy, had to come to Jeremy’s rescue after he dropped out of the play. She says that William used to babysit for Jeremy when he was a child, and, she says, “in some ways you could say he’s still babysitting him.” Then she rolls her eyes a lot as Letterman prods her further about Jeremy’s “mercury poisoning.” The conversation happens around the 2:40 mark.

We can all go on national television and give Jeremy Piven a hard time for quitting a play with a bullshit excuse, but no one wants to go on television and give Chris Brown a hard time for gross domestic violence.

I don’t get it, I really don’t.

David Letterman’s just kind of making a cottage industry of making The Hills kids look like morons. I guess it’s not that hard a job.

Up now: Lauren Conrad.

McCain’s appearance last night on Letterman brought in 6.5M viewers, the show’s highest numbers since Oprah was on in December 2005.

And that’s just the people who actually tuned in, despite knowing that anything important would be on the Internet like 20 seconds later.

In fact, we had the best clips up on this site before the show even aired on the West coast.

I wonder if McCain’s contrition won over any voters.

Did he redeem himself?

What do we think, kids???