Of all the people you could pick to stalk, why Shawn Johnson? Not that the inner workings of a stalker’s mind are at all rational, but I’ve often wondered what it is that triggers these people to become fixated on random d-list celebrities.

Last week, Wendie posted about Robert O’Ryan being arrested while trying to sneak on to the set of Dancing with the stars in an attempt to meet up with 17-year-old wholesome as American flags wrapped in babies and baked in apple pie Shawn Johnson.
I remember hearing that guns and duct tape were found in his car, and that he was convinced that she wanted him to father her child. Ryan has since been charged with one felony count of stalking and two misdemeanor counts of carrying a loaded firearm in a vehicle.

But hold on to your bags and bags of anti-psychotic drugs, it gets even weirder:

“The LAPD located a loaded .45 handgun, a loaded shotgun, and materials classically used for kidnapping including duct tape, zip ties, and a map to the victim. Also found were love letters, clippings and other information on the victim.”
“He had packed all his belongings and permanently left Florida to drive out here to be with [Shawn Johnson], he believes that she speaks to him personally through the television set and through ESP and that they will have a child together, he stated he would be with her no matter what.”

I’m going to ignore the humorous use of “classically” to describe kidnapping tools, and instead focus on the fact that Shawn Johnson has horrible super powers that threaten to invade our minds at any moment. Whatever you do, do NOT watch Dancing With the Stars, unless you also want to be driven insane and impregnated by her mutant seed. This threat must be controled people! Seriously scary.

In other stalker news, an Austrian fugitive was arrested in Mexico and deported back to her home country on Thursday so she can stand trial for stalking David Caruso.
WTF? David fucking Caruso?? Are you serious? According to the Associated Press, the woman wrote 100’s of fan letters to Caruso, asked him for an autograph, and then began writing letters threatening to kill him when he refused to give her one.
There is a CSI joke in here somewhere, but it’s eluding me. Someone break out the hammy acting and the blacklights so I can find it.