I am issuing a restrained congratulations to Cynthia Nixon, who announced her engagement to her girlfriend, Christine Marinoni, over the weekend while campaigning for same-sex marriage in New York. The congratulations is restrained because, although I am very excited for the happy couple and very much believe that any consenting adult should have the right to marry any other consenting adult, I don’t understand why anyone would want to marry a consenting adult who looks like a 12-year-old boy from an Adam Sandler film. But, hey, to each his own, right?

Congrats to Cynthia and Christine! I very much hope you two have the opportunity to wed in New York in the near future.

This got me thinking. Two of my friends here in Seattle got married over the weekend in New York City. They got back last night and showed me the photos today. It was a gorgeous and private wedding in Central Park, complete with a romantic carriage ride. They both came back glowing. They’ve been a couple for five years, they complement each other perfectly, they respect and honor and care for one another, and one of them is black and the other is white. In 1948, New York would have been one of a handful of U.S. states in which they could have been legally married. It was 1967 before all U.S. states allowed interracial marriage. When we look back on that today, it seems insane and ancient that we would have laws prohibiting a beautiful, loving couple like my friends from getting married. It is my hope that, to my children, bans on same-sex marriage will seem equally distant and silly.

The Yoplait Save Lids to Save Lives campaign donates ten cents to Susan G. Komen for the Cure© for each pink foil Yoplait container lid that is mailed to them.  It’s a great cause and an easy way to contribute.  Who doesn’t eat yogurt anyway?  Well I don’t but I’m no poster child for normalcy.  And come to think of it, can you imagine if your job was to open all those incoming envelopes of lids?  Gross!  Because you know people lick those lids, put them in an envelope and mail ‘em out all in the name of cancer research.  And I cannot deal with unknown DNA.  It’s what killed my career in porn.  Sorry…so…last night was the 10th Anniversary celebration of this program and lots of stars turned out. 

I was a bit alarmed when I saw the pictures of Cynthia Nixon.  Was she always this thin?  She looks like she could stand to eat a Yoplait to help save her life.  I’m dramatizing but she is thin.  Also, I feel, as a public service announcement, I need to tell Sheryl Crow that there comes a time in every woman’s life when she must start wearing a bra.  For me, it was at twelve.  For you Sheryl, today is your day.

 Other celebs who arrived for this worthwhile cause include Kristin Davis, David Arquette, Laura Dern, Rita Wilson, Kelly Lynch, Rosanna Arquette and Kelly Kapowski Samantha Harris.  And please, a moment of silence for Judy Tenuta’s face as we used to know it.  I always thought she was so beautiful.

Page Six is reporting that, soon after the SatC movie premiered in NYC, both Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon had a little work done.

“Cynthia had a breast augmentation and soon after, Kristin had the varicose veins on her legs removed,” said an insider. “They both made sure they did it on the quietest day of the week.”

The folks at Page Six point out that Kristin Davis usually does wear long hems.

Nixon’s rep denied the surgery, and Davis’ rep had no comment.

Above find the video-taped interview that people are using to claim Cynthia Nixon “let it slip” that one of the SaTC characters dies in the movie.

She doesn’t say that at all.

The interviewer asks her about it, and she plays coy, which is absolutely the appropriate thing to do. It doesn’t confirm or deny anything, it just fuels interest.

My favorite part of this interview is toward the end (around 1:55), when the interviewer tells her, “Now, as an actress you started out very young. As a lesbian you started out very old,” and Cynthia says “That is fair to say.” Then the interview gets pretty hilarious.

Anyway, the point is: this speculation is stupid. She absolutely did not say that one of the characters dies. So let’s all move on.

Look, I know a lot of you feel that I should leave the civilians out of this blog, and normally I do, but Cynthia Nixon’s girlfriend, Christine Marinoni, is so fundamentally unattractive that I just can’t stop myself from pointing it out every time I see her. I’m sure she is a wonderful, beautiful person, but do you know what this picture reminds me of?

Remember that scene from The Wedding Singer where there’s that fat boy at the Bar Mitzvah? And no one will dance with him and he’s sad? And then Adam Sandler grabs the mic and tells hottie Drew Barrymore to pick the boy she’d most like to dance with? And they’re all begging her to pick them, but she picks the fat boy and dances with him and he’s all happy? Yeah. That’s what comes to mind here.

But in some ways I have to give Cynthia props for obviously looking beyond traditional, shallow values. This is obviously the real thing, and I guess I’m happy for them. I’m sure Christine is a really wonderful person, and I can’t really sit here and talk shit, as my insistence on finding a man who is funny, smart, interesting, caring, honest, loving and also ridiculously hot has resulted in me being single forever. I guess at some point I might have to let go of the “honest” criterion.

If Aishwarya Rai is the World’s Most Beautiful Woman, I’d like to put Christine Marinoni in the running for the World’s Ugliest.

She’s also Cynthia Nixon’s girlfriend.

And Cynthia isn’t, like, the most beautiful person on the planet, but she’s a cutie, and every time I see a pic of her with this chick I cringe a little bit. But, whatever, she’s happy. Says Cynthia to OK! magazine: “I’m in a fantastic relationship. We shop and cook and raise children…We both pitch in … I’m in love with her because she’s her. If she were a man, would I be in love with her? I don’t know.”

I’d make some joke about how she looks like a man, anyway, but that’s not true: she looks like an awkward 14-year-old boy.

The couple lives in Brooklyn, where they’re raising Cynthia’s two kids, Samantha, 11, and Charles, 6.

There have long been rumors that Kim Cattrall doesn’t get along so hot with the rest of the cast of Sex and the City. The reason it took so long to make that movie in the first place is that Kim didn’t want to come on board, she so disliked working on the show with the other women. Apparently that behavior continued through the filming of the movie, and now Star is reporting that Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis actually received secret bonuses for putting up with Kim’s diva behavior.

Not everything is sexy in the city. Sources tell Star that Kim Cattrall was such a diva to work with on the Sex and the City movie that her costars are getting a secret bonus for dealing with Kim’s prima donna behavior.

An insider tells Star, “Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon are getting a ‘hush-hush’ bonus for not being divas during filming and as a thank-you for putting up with Kim.”

Seriously if I got a fucking bonus for every time I had to put up with a shit-head coworker back when I worked in an actual office, I’d be sipping margaritas in Bora Bora and paying male models to feed me grapes instead of being isolated in my apartment (where there are no shit-head coworkers other than my cats) writing celeb gossip.

Cynthia Nixon (aka Miranda) and her on-set son, “Brady,” film the SATC movie in NYC.

He’s such a little red-headed cutie.

A firecrotch in the making.