“When I post, I forget I’m famous. Then occasionally I’ll look, and it’ll say 345,000 people and I’m like, “Ah!” It’s a really bad thing: I’m a good rock musician; I am one suck-ass celebrity, though. It’s OK; I would rather be good at what I do and a terrible celebrity than a good celebrity and suck at what I do.”

- Courtney Love in Spinner on her fame and bad blogging practices.

I must have this woman playing a maternal role in my life. I see her and I immediately want to get some life guidance from her. If she gives me a curfew I will abide by it; if she tells me to finish my homework, I will listen. I’m just like, “Courtney Love, please, tell me how to get some peace and joy in my life. You clearly have so much already. It radiates out from your angry, glazed-over eyes.”

Courtney appeared on the cover of Dazed & Confused magazine, because that’s the next obvious step when you’re losing custody of your only daughter as a result of your insane and endless and life-threatening drug abuse. Yup. That’s exactly how you do it, Courtney. You just keep on keepin’ on, you earth mother, you.

I told you the other day that Frances Bean has legally separated herself from her mother by requesting that the courts change her guardianship over from Courtney to Kurt Cobain’s family members. Today we’ve learned that things have gotten a bit more serious, as a restraining order has been put on Courtney to stay away from her daughter. That means that Courtney can no longer contact Frances, directly or indirectly, which I suppose includes random late night Twitter and Facebook rambles.

In fact, it could have been Courtney’s poor Facebook etiquette that got this restraining order slapped on her in the first place. From ONTD:

Courtney Love has lashed out at daughter Frances Bean Cobain after the 17-year-old girl was placed under temporary guardianship of her paternal grandmother and Kurt Cobain’s sister. (No reason was given for the guardianship.)

“I hate to sound cold but any kid of mine who pulls this s**t has lost her position…” Love, 45, rants on her Facebook page. “She was deceptive, she lied and she’s lying to herself… My daughter is not always honest.”

Love also says her daughter isn’t as rich as she thinks she is, adding that she is “clearly deluded” if she thinks she can buy her grandmother a “small house in L.A.” Says Love, “I’d love to see how that works … She thinks she has all this money. The point is, I have all the money she has.”

Love insists her daughter “is a wonderful kid,” but she has “bad people around her and wants it both ways.”

She then names several of Kurt Cobain’s family members. She even tells her daughter that her grandmother “killed your father,” Kurt Cobain.

“You could’ve asked for emancipation…” Love tells her daughter. “You realize this will put you in juvenile family circus three times in your little life?”

Before signing off, Love tells her daughter, “I love you and always will unconditionally.”

Ewww. Ranting on Facebook about personal details of having lost your child publicly? Talk about the ultimate Lamebook entry. Sure makes any time my mother ever embarrassed me in front of people seem like small potatoes. Can you imagine the game that’s going on here? Courtney is humilated because she’s lost custody of her child (which obviously speaks to her ability to mother), so she strikes back on a website read by thousands of her fans and calls her daughter a liar.

Courtney doesn’t seem to realize that this whole thing is completely her fault. I know plenty of 17 year olds who lie to their mothers, but I really can’t think of too many mothers who would do this to their child. Thank goodness for Frances that she’s out of there finally.

It turns out that living with Courtney Love is just as horrible as you’d expect because her daughter Frances Bean Cobain had legally cut the cord. According to court documents obtained by TMZ, Frances is now being looked after by a court-appointed legal guardian and her mother now has no control of her daughter’s finances or personal life. TMZ noted that Frances’ new guardians have no power over the Cobain estate that she was left when her father died. Another sad detail? Courtney didn’t even bother to show up to the court proceedings.

These cases really only come up when the current guardian is unfit to parent, and it’s widely known that Courtney Love has many issues to sort out. Frances is 17, less than a year outside of being a legal adult, and she’s been living with Courtney her entire life. Whatever happened between the two of them must have been pretty significant, as Courtney’s ability to raise a child has been called in to question Frances’ entire life.

So, Courtney Love was peeing — shouldn’t all Courtney Love stories start out that way? — and someone walked in on her.  Big deal, right?  She was partying at Standard Hotel Saturday night, used the bathroom and didn’t lock the door because she’s an idiot.  Some pharamcist dude named Sebastian Karnaby was trying to leave the same party and opened the bathroom door thinking it was an exit, but instead walked in on Courtney sitting on a toilet with her skirt around her ankles — no word if there was a mirror or white powder.  He immediately slammed the door shut, got down on his knees and prayed to be abducted by aliens willing to erase his brain’s hard drive.

According to Karnaby and other guests who corroborate his version of events, Love almost immediately came flying out of the bathroom in a rage.  She lunged at this poor guy, dragged him over to security and accused him of attacking her.  Security told Sebastian, “It’s best you get away as fast as possible.”  He did leave immediately, which was all he was trying to do in the first place before being subjected to Love’s hole.

It’s a rare celebrity that I’ll dedicate an entire photo gallery to, but Courtney Love?  Yeah, she’s worth it.  Courtney spent last night hanging out on a park bench outside a New York City hotel making friends with some random dude.  Now, I know she’s been sober for four years, but I think she’s Mischa Barton brand of “sober”, meaning she doesn’t share needles. 

I’m currently working on securing a two-for-one deal that will get both Court and Misch — yes, we’re on a one syllable terms — into Promises so they can deal with their “medical issues.”  Can I work any more “quotes” into this story?  Good luck to these, obviously struggling, ”artists.”

This is Courtney Love sleeping on walking down the streets of New York City yesterday.  Can someone please intervene on this woman’s behalf before we have another Michael Jackson on our hands?  Let’s not get to the point where she’s just dead and then every family member, friend, and aide around her tells the media that they knew this day would come. 

And if you think I’m overstating things, watch this little TMZ clip from a couple weeks ago.  Love shares the contents of her purse — syringes and pills! — and explains that she’s a Samurai.  Yeah, that sounds sober.