So, Courtney Love was peeing — shouldn’t all Courtney Love stories start out that way? — and someone walked in on her.  Big deal, right?  She was partying at Standard Hotel Saturday night, used the bathroom and didn’t lock the door because she’s an idiot.  Some pharamcist dude named Sebastian Karnaby was trying to leave the same party and opened the bathroom door thinking it was an exit, but instead walked in on Courtney sitting on a toilet with her skirt around her ankles — no word if there was a mirror or white powder.  He immediately slammed the door shut, got down on his knees and prayed to be abducted by aliens willing to erase his brain’s hard drive.

According to Karnaby and other guests who corroborate his version of events, Love almost immediately came flying out of the bathroom in a rage.  She lunged at this poor guy, dragged him over to security and accused him of attacking her.  Security told Sebastian, “It’s best you get away as fast as possible.”  He did leave immediately, which was all he was trying to do in the first place before being subjected to Love’s hole.

It’s a rare celebrity that I’ll dedicate an entire photo gallery to, but Courtney Love?  Yeah, she’s worth it.  Courtney spent last night hanging out on a park bench outside a New York City hotel making friends with some random dude.  Now, I know she’s been sober for four years, but I think she’s Mischa Barton brand of “sober”, meaning she doesn’t share needles. 

I’m currently working on securing a two-for-one deal that will get both Court and Misch — yes, we’re on a one syllable terms — into Promises so they can deal with their “medical issues.”  Can I work any more “quotes” into this story?  Good luck to these, obviously struggling, ”artists.”

This is Courtney Love sleeping on walking down the streets of New York City yesterday.  Can someone please intervene on this woman’s behalf before we have another Michael Jackson on our hands?  Let’s not get to the point where she’s just dead and then every family member, friend, and aide around her tells the media that they knew this day would come. 

And if you think I’m overstating things, watch this little TMZ clip from a couple weeks ago.  Love shares the contents of her purse — syringes and pills! — and explains that she’s a Samurai.  Yeah, that sounds sober.

What in the Courtney Love of God is going on with this train wreck?  Love was seen yesterday on the streets of New York City looking like a concentration camp victim.

So I started researching to see what other than heroin Courtney has been up to lately, and supposedly she’s doing some Hole reunion — and I fully admit that saying “Hole reunion” brings out the adolescent 16-year-old that lurks within me.  There’s just one problem:  Her Hole bassist Melissa Auf der Maur knows nothing of it.  According to Auf der Maur:

“We have not been in touch too much,” Auf der Maur recently told Explore magazine. “We’ve been in touch this year after 10 years of no contact, I will say that.” Though Love remains her “soul sister”, Auf der Maur said her contributions to Love’s new album are due to the involvement of producer Michael Beinhorn, who also worked on the final Hole record.

“Michael Beinhorn and I had an incredible working relationship on Celebrity Skin,” Auf der Maur said. “And he called me and asked me if I would sing on [Courtney's] new solo record – which is what I understood it was. And I said ‘Yes’ because I enjoy working with him and … well, she and I have a history of making music together. And I’m happy to visit her again in the future.”

But rights to the band name aside, Auf der Maur believes this isn’t a Hole project. “I think you can’t take a Hole reunion that lightly. It’s gonna take a little more organising than just ‘I’ll come and sing some backups and then we got Hole.’”

Initially, Nobody’s Daughter was to be a collaboration between Love and songwriter Linda Perry. Unhappy with the results, Love scrapped those sessions, travelled to London and teamed up with English guitarist Micko Larkin, formerly of Larrikin Love. Their collaboration – still officially a Courtney Love solo project – was initially scheduled for a January release.

Instead, Love declared that Nobody’s Daughter would be Hole’s first album in 11 year, despite the absence of band co-founder Eric Erlandson and Auf der Maur’s merely tangential involvement.

We could sit here for days and try to unravel how things work in the fun mirror that is Courtney Love’s brain, but her former band mate summed it up best:  “She’s a nutbag…”

Someone stole something from Courtney Love and then sent her a case of Blackberries– the phone, not the fruit. At least, that’s what I can make out from her latest rambling Myspace blog, posted bright and early this morning.

While most people’s livers were still groggily processing last night’s liquor, Love was up early, vomiting her deep thoughts all over the internet.

so i look at etsy and i note Bernedene Mann took photos of everything Dawn Took with her and theres a TON of clothing and trims not returned, so is she selling it prvately?

NO its up on etsy  theres my ribbons theres my lace!

but that would just be a  horrific nasty twat being a twat

no this was grand larceny i have to go to the police about a whole lot of shit for insirance reasons this one is MIND BOGGLING

I’m guessing that when she says “Dawn” she’s referring to designer Dawn Simorangkir, who had a falling out with Love over some design work she did for her. Several times the post calls Dawn a “twat” or a “hag”– the same kind of internet name calling that resulted in a law suit earlier in the year. I’d like to write “Courtney had better watch what she says,” but let’s be honest– that’s not going to happen. And I’m very happy about that. Trying to decode the meaning of her pill-fed vitriol has become like a fun puzzle game for me.

She also says something about receiving a large package addressed to “Boudoir Queen” that was filled with new models of Blackberry phones that are “not yet on the market.” Love states that it “boggled” her mind, but she’s “seen weirder shit than any of [us] ever will.” Personally, my mind is boggled by the fact that, of all things, she managed to spell “boudoir” correctly. That, my friends, is some weird shit.

And now it’s that time of the day where we make you feel good about your life. Because no matter how you’re doing financially, politically, or romantically, at least you’re not Courtney Love. She posted this rant about… something (cacti? complimentary colors? flying cars?) today on her Myspace blog.

Me Blog Big today, no blog after!

orris look it up im orris rightbefore they put the enfluerage in and its taken about as long, there was a reasona fter all abnd nbo i bever ever would talk asmack about pamela  , shes im sure doing fine shes just fucke3d byhger managers overhead andthathes opwned bythe Poison Dwarf and that i pimped her to him iom sorry and that shes on my aka list and  has loads of creepyt varainst like p lee anders so is tomnny lee hes also tommy bass and TOMMYT LAW FIRM heh,

Just for fun, I pasted that into Google translator and asked it to “Detect Language” and translate into English. It came up with this:

I like pills and bands!!! Wheeeeeeee!!!

Seriously, does anyone have any idea what she’s talking about here? I think possibly she is defending  how she “insulted” Pamela Anderson by saying she lives in a trailer park, but without using an Enigma machine, that’s all I can work out.

The classiest broad on the planet had some kind words about fellow blonde bombshell (kidding!) Pamela Anderson for Page Six: “Pam Anderson doesn’t even have a credit card. And she lives in Paradise Cove — which is in Malibu, but it’s a trailer park in Malibu.”

Mostly, what’s blowing my mind here is that Courtney Love seems to have made a complete statement in 140 characters or less, a feat she’s been unable to accomplish thus far on Twitter.

But Page Six took the time to look into her accusations. They say that a “quick check on the Internet reveals that a double-wide trailer in the park costs around $325,000 — and on the high side, homes are around $1.2 million.”

Uh, dude, if you can afford a $325K anything, why on earth would you buy a double-wide trailer??? Malibu is so weird.