Hey, remember when I said that I thought maybe Tila Tequila’s relationship with Courtenay Semel was total bullshit because the two of them are never photographed together anywhere other than a red carpet?

Well, that was before I came across these TOTALLY UNSTAGED photos of Tila and Courtenay at a Hollywood hotel pool from a couple of weeks ago.

CANDID, I tell you! These are CANDID!

Tila and Courtenay are like the lesbian Heidi and Spencer.

We need a nickname for them.

Suggestions?

Whatever’s going on with Tila Tequila and Courtenay Semel behind the scenes, they still look to be very much in love on the red carpet.

Tila and Courtenay made yet another red carpet appearance at the 944 party in Hollywood last night.

You know, for all the photos we see of these two on the red carpet, I have yet to see one of them spending time together anywhere else. I’m just saying.

Ahhhhhh ha ha ha ha!

Being a spoiled brat is so hard sometimes.

I reported earlier today that Tila Tequila’s gal-pal/famewhoring socialite Courtenay Semel spent some time in jail on Wednesday. Now we have the details on why.

A source says Semel, a former friend of Lindsay Lohan and the 26-year-old Tequila’s current girlfriend, was at Caesars Palace’s Pure Nightclub that evening and left her cell phone on the property. When she went back to retrieve it, the club was closed.

“She demanded that they find [the phone] and hit the security guard,” the source says.

Las Vegas Metro Police Officer Jay Rivera confirms that Courtenay “struck a hotel security guard in the back of the head.” She was cited for battery and released.

So her drunk ass left her cell phone at a club and then decided it was someone else’s fault, and that someone needed to be assaulted. On the back of the head. Talk about pent-up anger.

It’s like, I’ve definitely been in the situation where someone’s actions — particular the bitchy actions of those asshole bouncers at Vegas clubs who strut around like they own the whole world when you know they have penises the size of my thumb — make me so mad that I fantasize about smacking them real hard in the back of the head. But the difference is that I don’t do it. Because I was raised in a world where actions have consequences, so I learned that I couldn’t necessarily act on my every whim. Courtenay Semel obviously never learned that as a child, so she’s having to figure it out as an adult, which is a more painful and embarrassing time to learn such things.

Money can’t buy happiness, kids.

Is there a mug shot out there somewhere? Oh, Lord, I hope so.

Remember this photo from earlier in the week? This is how Tuesday night started for Courtenay Semel — but it’s not how it ended. It ended with Courtenay TRASHED and IN JAIL.

COURTENAY Semel, the wild-child lesbian daughter of former Yahoo chief Terry Semel, went on a tear Tuesday night in Las Vegas and ended up spending the night in jail. Semel showed up in the party town without new girlfriend Tila Tequila and started the night at Sushi Samba in the Palazzo with Kourtney Kardashian. “They were filming their dinner for ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ ” our spy said. Later, Kardashian called it a night and Semel went out to Pure at Caesars with Vegas showman Jeff Beacher – and proceeded to “go nuts,” a spy said. “Courtenay got so drunk she was falling down. Security asked her to leave, but she refused.” Semel finally left, but on her way out there was an altercation with a security guard. “She was arrested and spent the night in jail,” a Semel pal confirmed. “And she lost her phone.

Oh, Courtenay. Maybe you’re just what we need around here. It’s, like, you’re the socialite who grew up around Paris and Nicole and Kim, and you desperately wanted to be famous, too, but you really weren’t pretty enough. You’ve had several false starts at stardom — with Filthy Rich Cattle Drive and a fling with Lindsay Lohan — but nothing really stuck. But now the other girls are all settling down and moving out of the spotlight, and you’ve had all these years to plot, and you are so ready to bring it with the lesbian angle and the drunken angle and the jail angle.

Welcome, Courtenay. You’ve earned it.

WTF is Courtenay Semel doing on a red carpet with Kourtney Kardashian???

She is supposed to be Tila Tequila’s red carpet whore!!!

What a back-stabbing little red carpet SLUT.

I’m also a little bit concerned about having these two in such close proximity, lest the universe implode under the sheer force of so many deviant spellings of “Courtney.”

At this weekend’s Hot in Hollywood bash, TR Knight showed up with his nearly underage boyfriend, Mark Cornelsen, and Tila Tequila dragged along Courtenay “Least Photogenic” Semel. Seriously, poor Courtenay never takes a good picture. I mean, I’m not the most photogenic person on the planet, either, but I’m not showing up on red carpets every day standing next to one of the most photogenic people on the planet. I hope she gives head better than she gives face. For Tila’s sake. I mean, I assume Courtenay is flaunting this new relationship to get back at Lindsay for dumping her, but honestly these recent photos of Courtenay make Samantha Ronson look adorable in comparison. I don’t think Lindsay’s second-guessing her choice.

It’s been awhile since someone’s taken their turn at totally selling out Lindsers, but Courtenay Semel is up to bat now, chatting with News of the World about her “secret” former lesbian affair with Lindsay. I mean, technically, it’s a “pal” of Courtenay relaying these quotes to NotW, but you know Courtenay’s behind all this.

Oh, and FYI? I totally reported on this in December. Just saying.

Anyway, here’s what Courtenay’s “pal” claims she was told by Court:

“Everyone thinks Samantha is Lindsay’s first lesbian love, but we were very passionate until her fear of being found out drove us apart. At the time she was terrified her career would be over if she revealed her sexual tendencies. But then Samantha came on to the scene and I was dropped.”

Says the “pal:”

“She met Lindsay in the summer of 2006 at a party in Malibu. From the start Lindsay was very confused about her feelings for Courtenay so did more and more drugs to stifle the sexual attraction she was experiencing. But eventually she just gave in and at every party they’d kiss and touch each other in the corner. It’s a miracle nobody found out. Both of them would do lines of cocaine in the toilets then head home and fall into bed together.”

“Back then Samantha and Lindsay didn’t have a physical relationship,” Courtenay’s pal continued. “She once said, ‘Samantha’s the father I never had’! Apparently Samantha acted in a ‘paternal’ way towards her, giving her advice and cuddles.”

At one point, both Samantha and Courtenay were visiting Lindsay at Promises … at separate times, I guess.

Courtenay and Lindsay moved in together, but I guess Lindsay was in the habit of bringing men back to the apartment, which pissed Courtenay off. “Courtenay would throw fits of rage, writing her hundreds of angry e-mails from another room in the house,” says the source. “The sexual attraction between them was electric though and they’d still kiss and make up.” But Courtenay couldn’t take it any more and moved out late last year. Soon after, Samantha and Lindsay were together.

“Courtenay still can’t understand how Lindsay is now so open with Samantha. Every time she sees a picture of them together it kills her.”