Because it would be too much to ask to just let a dead woman rest, Casey Johnson’s other “famous” ex is now coming out of the woodwork to make some rather interesting statements about their relationship. Courtenay Semel, who you may kinda sorta know as Lindsay Lohan’s first (secret) girlfriend, did an interview with E! yesterday talking all about her and Casey’s former plans to release their sex tape and get a reality show (check out the video from the interview here.)

The two filmed the tape during their happier days when they were living in Texas together and totally broke. Courtenay says that she and Casey filmed it themselves and after watching it, they were so moved by their own performances that the prospect of sharing the video didn’t bother them. Unfortunately, the sex tape never saw the light of day because the women were too busy using it as blackmail to extort money from their own families. And that’s pretty much the part of this whole thing that tells you exactly what kind of people we’re dealing with. Not only is it manipulative and insane for two grown women to hold their sex tape above their parents head in an attempt to extort money from them, but it’s perverse. The thing that should be embarrassing to the Semel and Johnson families is not that either of their daughters was a sexually active lesbian who filmed herself having sex, it’s that they bred creatures who find this kind of behavior acceptable and necessary to their survival. “If you don’t give me money, I’m going to show everyone this video of me having sex.” Can you even imagine?

OH THE DRAMA.

Sometimes you just love somebody so much that you literally have to go on E! to bid a tearful videotaped farewell to her and then publicly blame her death on Tila Tequila. Which is exactly what Courtenay Semel did this week. Casey was literally her other half (how would that actually work, in a literal sense?) and she will never — probably — be with anyone else ever again. For the rest of her life. Ever. She will love Casey literally forever and ever. Literally. In the literal sense. Forever and ever. Not even figuratively you guys.

How can vapidity shine so brightly through grief?

Courtenay also mentions that she’s sorry she ever brought Tila Tequila into their world, “because she destroyed it.” You’ll recall, of course, that after a stormy and violent and drug-riddled relationship with Casey Johnson, which, I believe, involved one of them setting the other’s hair on fire, Courtenay started dating Tila Tequila. And then they broke up and Tila started dating Casey. And now Courtenay is on E! talking about Casey’s drug-related death and Tila’s blame in that, because obviously everyone was totally sober back when they were setting each other’s hair on fire and beating each other up, and Casey, at age 30, could never be expected to be responsible for her own physical well-being and/or sobriety.

So, ya know, this whole thing is totally insane, and it makes me super happy that I am neither rich nor famous.

I’ve had a weird fascination with Courtenay Semel ever since she was on that random TV show where they made spoiled rich kids drive cattle. I think it has something to do with the way her first name is spelled. I just don’t think I’d be able to talk to her without being all like, “Heeeeey, Court-e-naaaaaay.” Also it’s a neat coincidence that the last sound there is “neigh” and she kind of looks like a horse. That was mean. Pretend I didn’t say it.

Anyway. Court’s on the cover of lesbo-riffic mag Curve this month, and what would she talk about if not her (non-) relationship with Lindsay Lohan? Oh, right, and that rehab stint earlier this year:

“I always said you’ll never see me get a DUI, you’ll never see me falling drunk out of a club, you’ll never see me get arrested, you’ll never see that side of me and unfortunately, it did happen. I did take responsibility for my actions. … But, at the same time, I think, you know, everyone scrutinizes, Lindsay for everything she went through, but they should thank her, because it shows you exactly what not to do … I would like to say that Lindsay and I would make a really hot couple, but unfortunately we were best friends and the media kind of ruined that relationship. Let’s put it this way, it’s kind of like another one of … my little frenemies out there was protecting their own self and their own relationship and threw us under the bus. But, for me, it was like, I would go to an event and they would start to say, ‘So you and Lindsay aren’t friends anymore,’ and I’m like, ‘Oh, really? That’s news to me.’”

Ummmm, is that Courtenay Semel accusing Samantha Ronson of planting rumors in the press? That’s sure what it sounds like to me.

My Lord, I’m so glad I’m not famous. These people are terrible.

More pics of the twosome in happier days (late 2007-ish) are in the gallery.

Courtenay Semel, aka Lindsay Lohan’s first known lesbian fling and daughter of former Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel has been cut off. She told the New York Post that father Terry had “ froze[n] her trust fund and now won’t answer her calls”. Courtenay’s been a hot mess for years now, but the final straw may have been her run-in with a guard at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas.

 

In a drunken stupor, she famously screamed, “Do you even know who I am, f- – -ing idiot? Google me, you dumb f- – -,” before allegedly punching him in the face.

“I’m not used to the word ‘no,’ ” she said.

She recalled, “I’m sitting in a jail in the basement of Caesars Palace, with these guards yelling in my face . . . It led me to a rock bottom, which I’m in now.”

The charges were dropped, but the security guard is suing her.

 

LOL. Google me, you dumb fuck?! I think Courtenay has overestimated her pop culture relevance if she thinks people can “google” her. For one, they’d have no idea what to enter into the search window. The only pussy folks associate with Lohan now is Samantha Ronson’s and nobody has the time or patience to track who Tila Tequila is supposedly in love with. Once you auction off your affections on a VH1 show people just stop caring. Considering this is a woman that said “I just never thought about how to put gas in my car or food on the table. I was fully supported, I wasn’t worried.” I have no sympathy for her.

Luckily and stereotypically enough Courtenay is currently pitching a reality show.

I am doing my part to keep Courtenay Semel in the spotlight for as long as possible, just because I am certain one of these days she will do something so absolutely insane on camera that it will make it all worth it. Honestly, eventually she’s just going to snap and, like, tie Nicole Richie to a leather sofa and cover her in honey and fire ants and film the whole thing on a CoolPix camera and email it to Nikon demanding a sponsorship. She is that kind of crazy.

Here’s the former lover of Lindsay Lohan, Tila Tequila and Lord knows who else, at Sundance with her current flame, heiress Casey Johnson, whose hair seems to be recovering well from when Courtenay set it on fire earlier this month.

Courtenay Semel, the uber-rich, alcoholic, drug-addicted, but-her-faced, hot-tempered, celebrity lesbian love interest du jour, has just burned her (equally crazy) ex-girlfriend’s hair off.

CASEY Johnson – the madcap Band-Aid heiress whose father, Woody Johnson, owns the Jets – is said to be wearing her hair in a short, butch style following a vicious catfight with her ex-girlfriend, Courtenay Semel. “Casey had a fight one night with her current girlfriend,” heavily tattooed Lisa Marie Alvarez, a Los Angeles source, told Page Six. “Casey went to Courtenay’s house, and Courtenay proceeded to beat the crap out of her, and then she lit her hair on fire. Casey had to be hospitalized.” Casey’s mother, Sale Johnson, reportedly flew to LA and consulted with lawyer Robert Shapiro. No one returned calls except Courtenay, whose father Terry Semel ran Yahoo for years. “There was a fight,” Courtenay said. “But this is a major exaggeration. We are speaking. We are friends.” Casey – who isn’t speaking to her father, or her aunt, Libet Johnson – is the mother of an adopted girl from Kazakhstan.

OMG. These girls are such headcases. I swear, all the money in the world does not buy happiness. In fact, it just seems to encourage low self-esteem and crazy. The next time you think to myself, “Man, why couldn’t I have been born an heiress?” just keep these girls in mind.

Um, Tila Tequila has a book to sell, so she’s back to hitting up red carpets with her Sapphic headline-grabber, Courtenay Semel.

Give it up, Tila.

The fifteen minutes are over. Nobody cares who you fuck anymore.

If you want to stay in the spotlight, you’re gonna have to get in La Lohan’s pants. Those $100 leggings are the only thing standing between you and total cultural irrelevance. Get on it, girl.