Earlier this week, Beet reported on a creepy case in which Edis Kayalar, an acquaintance of Cindy Crawford’s ex-nanny, tried to sell TMZ and a few other celeb gossip outlets a picture of Crawford’s daughter gagged and tied to a chair that was taken during a game of cops and robbers. Well, the human cesspool that is Edis Kayalar goes even deeeper. In a March 2008 restraining order, Kayalar’s ex-wife claims that he beat her bloody and raped her several times during the course of their 3 month long marriage. The details make for some pretty disturbing reading, so continue at your own risk.

Freckmann claims her horror began a day before they wed on Nov. 15, 2007, when Kayalar confessed he was cheating.

“Talking escalated into a heated argument in which [Kayalar] kicked a hole into my wall,” Freckmann wrote.

Kayalar stormed out, but returned the next morning and the couple got married.

The next month, however, Freckmann said he got physical after she confronted him over photos “of the girl he had cheated on me with” on a trip to Germany.

“Our arguing became physical,” she said in court papers. Kayalar also taunted her and made mocking lists titled, “How to Please the Princess.”

“He has also raped me while I have been asleep and awake,” she claimed.

Freckmann said Kayalar, a native of Germany, told her, “The only reason he married her was for a green card.” She claimed he was so controlling he wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom alone.

On Feb. 12, 2008, Freckmann tried to kick Kayalar out. But she said he did not go quietly. “He pushed me up against the wall, slapped me and yelled at me,” she stated.

After a struggle, she said, she escaped and called cops. Kayalar left, but the next day “he broke into my home, stating I had stolen his fake identification,” she wrote.

“I wouldn’t speak to him so he punched, choked, restrained me, and then he continued to beat me and then rape me,” she claimed. “He said if he killed me no one would ever find out and he could just leave the country.”

Freckmann alleged she passed out after he choked her and raped her “with a foreign object.”

Prosecutors declined to press charges because of lack of evidence, a source said.

Yet another female acquaintance of Kaylar’s claims that he beat her up after she refused to have sex with him. In that case, the charges were dropped because the terrified woman didn’t show up for court after Kayalar threatened to kill her.

This is a bizarre and unexpected story. Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber filed court documents saying that Edis Kayalar, a friend of their former nanny, was threatening to sell the photo of the couple’s freakishly adorable 7-year-old daughter, Kaia. The photo depicts her “bound to a chair and gagged” as part of the nanny’s “cops and robbers game.” She is wearing shorts and a T-shirt in the photo.

I read the entire legal filing (it’s on TMZ), and this is a really screwed up story. Basically, the nanny had showed this Kayalar person the photo she took, and I guess her plan was to stick it on Cindy and Rande’s door as some sort of retaliation for being fired. But she decided not to, and then Kayalar stole the photo and made a bunch of phone calls to Cindy and Rande, threatening to sell it to the tabloids. They immediately contacted the authorities, and at one point Rande even gave the guy $1000 for the photograph. But then he wound up getting deported to Germany, and started demanding a bunch more money. The FBI got involved, and eventually it wound up in court.

TMZ claims that someone tried to sell them the same photo six weeks ago, and they passed, so I wonder how many other news organizations passed on this photo. Tabloids will do some dirty things, but publishing upsetting pictures of an innocent 7-year-old girl seems to be beneath everybody. Good for them!

I guess what really scares me here is how hard it is even for really, really rich people to find a trustworthy nanny. I mean, what the hell kind of nanny plays a game in which she gags your little kid and takes photos? And then responds to being let go by showing the photos to creepy people? Sooo scary and messed up. You can’t trust nannies! That’s why I’m just going to send my kids to boarding school.

Cindy Crawford’s mole is one of those darling little “imperfections” that some super models manage to turn into their signature, even when everyone told them they should get it “fixed”– sort of like Lauren Hutton’s gap, or Naomi Campbell’s insanity.

But there may come a point in the near future when the mole is no more.

When she was a teenager, the mole was the size of the Tenneesee Titan’s chances of winning the Super Bowl this year. Over the years however, it’s grown into a larger brown bump that protrudes from the surface of the skin, and doctors are concerned that it could turn into cancer.

Crawford gets her suspect moles, facial and otherwise, monitored yearly to make sure none of them have turned malignant. Which is probably something we should all think about. Most of us (with insurance) are pretty good about getting yearly check-ups like pap smears and mammograms. But how many of us have a weird mole that’s never been looked at?

Oh, wait.

(At the London premiere of The Fantastic Mr. Fox. Also there: Cindy Crawford. Who also looks exactly like one of George Clooney’s girlfriends. But it’s not like he has a type.)

Listen. It’s been a really shitty summer. Not just in the celebrity world, but it feels like in my own world, among my friends, there have been a slew of sudden deaths and sudden break-ups. Isn’t summer supposed to be about health and love? It’s not feeling like that at all this summer. Is this just me or have your summers been better? I’m personally ready for summer to be over — I feel like I’m limping through August at this point. I feel so drained. I hope autumn brings better tidings.

So I find these pictures of Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber bittersweet. They’ve been married eleven years and they still look absolutely in love with each other. They look like they’re loving summer, out with friends on the French Riviera. Maybe summer is less depressing in Europe this year? On one hand, it’s heartening — I’m glad at least some couples are making their marriages last, and happily. On the other hand, it’s depressing — because I’m jealous that they’re having a fantastic summer and I’m sitting at home praying for rain. Either way, they’re both freakishly gorgeous and successful and perfect and I will probably never have anything remotely resembling their lives. What? You wanted me to end this on a happy note? IT IS NOT A HAPPY SUMMER.

And I seriously hosey, “What in the god damn fuckery is this shit and why does Cindy Crawford have a shaving cream dick in this April 2009 Allure magazine picture?”

Other than that, have at it.

Cindy Crawford’s kids are soooooo beautiful.

Like, Presley and Kaia are the prettiest kids in the whole world. You can’t genetically engineer prettier kids than this.

I mean, Presley is nine years old, and I already know I’m gonna wanna have sex with him in about ten years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not attracted to a nine-year-old, but, like, honestly, how often can you look at a nine-year-old boy and be like “I’m gonna wanna hit that when it’s older”? But this kid? Is gonna be so hot. I mean, he already has that “Yeah, I’m insanely hot, and we both know it” look in his eyes.

And Kaia? I didn’t even know it was possible for a 7-year-old to have the bone structure of a supermodel, but this girl does. Ridiculous. Totally unfair. I’m intimidated by the looks of a second-grader. It’s a cruel, cruel world.