Um, if you can believe it, Chyna was rushed to the hospital early Saturday morning when friends found her passed out with cuts on her arms. From TMZ:

We’ve learned Chyna was rushed to the hospital early Saturday — her birthday. She was so drunk when she was admitted, the shrinks at the hospital couldn’t even do a psych evaluation.

Paramedics were called to her home in Burbank just before 5:00 AM. Saturday. She was celebrating her birthday with a few friends and had way too many drinks — which didn’t mix well with her prescriptions.

Friends found her passed out with cuts on her arms and were so worried, they called 911. After she was taken to the hospital, doctors wanted to perform a psych evaluation, but her blood alcohol level was so high they had to wait.

We spoke with Chyna in the hospital. She said, “All I really want right now is a hamburger and fries right now.”

This is so sad. She was suicidal back in her Surreal Life days, however many years ago. Same thing on Celebrity Rehab. Some people get it and some people don’t, I guess. I feel awful for her. I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for, chica.

Joanie Laurer aka Chyna hangs out — literally — in Bev Hills last night.

Wrestler/reality TV trainwreck Chyna enjoys a quiet, sober Halloween with friends.

Sometimes I need help walking, too, even when I haven’t been drinking. But I have to smoke a shitload of weed to get there.

A fresh-from-rehab Joanie “Chyna” Laurer poses with Captain Morgan at the Spike Scream Awards in LA on Friday.

You know, I’ve seen more than one celeb in my life politely decline to be photographed with alcohol or anything alcohol-related, even when it’s an alcohol sponsoring the party. I was at a party once sponsored by Anheuser-Busch, whose PR folks desperately wanted to get a photo of Nick Cannon with a Budweiser, and he was just like, “No way. You can get as many photos of me as you want, but I’m not holding a beer.”

Chyna, dear, you might want to take a hint.

Because it appears most of the country has. If you so much as gave this woman a pap smear in 1987, Larry King wants to book you.

Check out this latest clip. First, Larry interviews some chick who said Anna Nicole was her maid of honor. She seems really down-to-earth and normal, and I’m confused, because I thought clearly Anna had no close friends who happened to be in any way grounded in reality, and then she announces that she had never met Anna before her wedding day. She’d won some contest through Trimspa, and … I don’t know, the story gets bizarre … but somehow or other Anna Nicole showed up at her wedding and now she’s on CNN.

Then Larry interviews some dude. Not sure who he is or why he matters, but he called Anna “pumpkin.”

And now, the coup de grace. Joanie Laurer, aka Chyna, who is absolutely fucking wasted. And crying. And oh my God she is trashed. Like Paula Abdul levels of incoherence. Now this is the kind of friend I’d have guessed Anna would have.

Okay I just had this fantasy of Joanie Laurer and Paula Abdul co-hosting some sort of View-style talk show program. Just imagine:

“So the war in Iraq is just…”
“I know, it’s, like, when I was ten years old, okay, I had this Barbie doll, and we, um, okay, I painted her pubic hair green and…”
“Right, with everyone dying over there, it’s just so … I mean … when I had my reality show with the Brady guy and my boyfriend came over and I had to try to kill myself because of the media scrutiny and…”
“I think the media scrutiny is just like Iraq.”
“It really is.”
“Do you have any bubbles?”
“Like to blow?”
“Yes.”
“Yes I do.”

Okay okay, I’ll stop. So now Larry’s talking to the wife of Trimspa’s CEO. She says Joanie is full of shit and is not friends with Anna, and is just using this opportunity to be in the limelight. She is Anna’s true friend, which is obviously why she is so deeply in mourning that she has to take her two minutes with Larry King to bitch out fucking Chyna.

Anyway. Clip’s up for the watchin’.