OK, loves. We’re almost done promoting ABC’s TV on DVD. I promise. This part is actually a lot of fun. They wanted a photo gallery. I was like “A photo gallery? Shall I take pictures of my television? Or perhaps just my DVD player?” But they were willing to be a little flexible, so I thought it would be fun to do a fashion retrospective on Christina Applegate, the star of ABC’s Samantha Who? (Hey, you can buy the DVDs of it here!) This turned out to be a lot of fun, because, frankly, going through photos of Christina Applegate starting in 1987 is extremely amusing. She may be a beautiful girl and a talented actress, but this was a young woman just crying out for a stylist. It doesn’t help that no one looked good during the 80s. Also fun is looking at the old photos of the men she was with: Enjoy discovering the 1980s looks of Brad Pitt, Matt Perry and Alice Cooper in these photos. And, hey, while you’re at it, go buy a DVD of an ABC show. Beet out.

I think it’s important for an author to share personal bias right up front.  So, let me just tell you:  Bea Arthur was one of the most talented comedic geniuses ever.  Just.  Amazing.

Imagine my dismay to learn that Bea Arthur is not on the cover of People this week.  Now, I’m not one of those cat crazies who saves every TV Guide ever printed and catalogs them in numbered plastic sheaths.  But I do have a few issues of People that are significant to me.  Like one from the late seventies that has the Bee Gees on the cover.  I kid you not, every other page has a cigarette ad.  And my Bea Arthur issue was definitely going to be added to that collection.  Instead, Arthur got a little upper right corner mention that didn’t interfere with a massive picture of Christina Applegate.

Oh, Bea.  It’s unfortunate that you died the same week as People’s 100 Most Beautiful People issue is printed.

There is a secondary issue I’m grappling with.  Christina Applegate is surely a pretty girl.  But do you really think she would have landed the Most Beautiful People cover over the likes of Robert Pattinson, Zac Efron, Halle Berry, Freida Pinto and Angelina Jolie if she hadn’t been battling with cancer over the past year?  The answer is no.

I’m thinking of something along the lines of, “I’m so glad Christina Applegate beat breast cancer so that she can start working on lung cancer.”

Smoking is a total bitch.  It’s completely addictive and I don’t underestimate the power nicotine wields over its victims.  I smoked for a couple of years but never felt the true need to smoke.  I would just get drunk and decide that smoking enhanced how fuckable I looked.  My twenties were fun.

But Applegate’s life was spared by early detection of breast cancer.  The woman is thirty-seven and has already undergone a double mastectomy.  Obviously she has a lot more living to do.  Christina, put down the frigging cancer sticks and respect this life, this second chance, that you’ve been gifted with.

Hooray for Christina Applegate, who is back on the set of her TV show Samantha Who? after undergoing a double mastectomy in July after being diagnosed with breast cancer.

Christina is expected to present at the Emmys this year, where she’s nominated as lead actress in a comedy series.

GET YOUR TITTIES CHECKED, LADIES!!!

Woo hoo for Christina Applegate, who announced at a taping of Good Morning America today that, just a month after being diagnosed with breast cancer, she is free of the disease.

“I’m clear,” she said. “Absolutely 100 percent clear and clean. … They got everything out so I’m definitely not going to die from breast cancer.”

Christina’s battle seems easy, but it’s in large part due to the fact that she got checked early and regularly for signs of cancer, knowing that she was at risk.

GET YOUR TITTIES CHECKED, LADIES!!! This is something you DO want to know!

This is so sad!

But it’s also very good, because apparently Christina caught it in time that she’s expected to make a full recovery.

Said her rep: “Christina Applegate was diagnosed with an early form of breast cancer. Benefiting from early detection through a doctor ordered MRI, the cancer is not life threatening. Christina is following the recommended treatment of her doctors and will have a full recovery. No further statement will be issued at this time.”

You hear that, ladies?

Get your titties checked EARLY and OFTEN!!! Christina’s only 36. It IS better to know!!! There are free breast exams and mammograms available at clinics in nearly every area. Get checked!!!

Kelly Bundy is back on the market, boys!

Kelly and her husband, actor Johnathon Schaech, have been separated since November 2005, and Schaech filed for divorce in December 2006. The divorce was finalized on Friday in an LA court.

Schaech was awarded more than $1.5 million in bank accounts and a 2001 Mercedes-Benz S500. Christina scored $7.5 mil in bank accounts, a 2006 Lexus, and two of the couple’s LA residences. I think it’s clear who won.