Christina Aguilera does a little drinkin’ herself. [Perez Hilton]

I’ve lost track of how many times Snoop Dogg’s been arrested this year. But add one. [TMZ]

Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler take a break from hating one another to get dinner at Mr. Chow’s. [Pop on the Pop]

Milla Jovovich? Still hot. [CelebSlam]

Gasp! One of the Gotti kids got arrested. [DListed]

Cameron Diaz can’t marry Justin Timberlake because she’s “commitment-phobic.” And certainly not because he hasn’t proposed. [HollyScoop]

Lindsay Lohan is in movies? Huh. [Pajiba]

Just for the record, I was into Regina Spektor before anybody. This song was on my MySpace page like a hundred years ago. Just so everyone knows. [BWE]

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe get into a little tiff at the Flags of Our Fathers screening in NYC. Ryan claims Reese is embarrassing him, mostly because her jaw is overshadowing his career. [Cityrag]

Victoria Beckham has been offered the hosting gig on Simon Fuller’s new fashion-centric reality show. She may turn it down, since the show films in the U.S., and she knows that if she leaves hubby David’s side for more than a minute, some hottie’s going to steal him away. Like Paris Hilton. Or Tom Cruise. [Hollyscoop]

Rod Stewart thought Paris Hilton was a hot piece of ass. When she was fourteen. [Yeeah!]

Whitney officially kicks the Bobby habit. [People]

It’s not so much that Christina Aguilera’s hubby is smoking a joint, it’s that he’s wearing a bike helmet at the same time. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Catherine Zeta-Jones acts pissed that husband Michael Douglas said Eva Longoria has a great ass, as a part of their joint effort to convince the world he’s managed an erection at any point this decade. [ICYDK]

Matt Damon reaches out to African children without managing to adopt one. [PopSugar]

A day with Paula Abdul is not worth $26,000 to anyone. A day with her Vicodin supply? Now that’s another story. [CelebSlam]

Nicole Richie doesn’t like it when strangers text message her. [Drunken Stepfather]

Scary Spice is carrying Eddie Murphy’s love child. [Juicy-News]

Check out the video from Christina Aguilera’s new single, “Hurt,” which comes complete with a father-daughter separation scene straight out of a Michael Lohan cartoon. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Before they became the alcoholic, abusive, herpetic mess we all took such pure joy in watching them become, Liza Minelli and David Gest filmed a pilot for a reality show. Because God loves you, this footage has surfaced. [Perez Hilton]

Ellen Degeneres invites a hyptonist on her show for a weepy attempt to rid herself of the smoking habit, the cumulative result of which is that now I want a cigarette. [Defamer]

• Sofia Coppola’s job requires her to watch her cousin get nasty. Weird.

• Christina Aguilera takes a cue from Pink, pees wherever.

• This week’s Lindsay Lohan crotch shot. I’m pretty sure she’s not wearing underwear, but at least she remembered to wear cheesy black nylons.

• There’s no specific item to link to here, but if you’re not reading The Gilded Moose at least once a week, you’re not really living. I can’t stress this point enough.

• Even David Letterman can’t salvage a Nicky Hilton interview.

• VH1 takes on the daunting task of counting down the Dumbest Celebrity Quotes. From our darling drunkie, Tara Reid: “I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.”

Update: I just rewatched that Nicky Hilton interview, and I’ve decided people are being too hard on her for it. She carries herself extremely well and with a great deal of class. Her composure and refusal to tag along with Letterman on his dirt-fishing expedition don’t make her boring, just a more tolerable human being than her sister. We hate Paris for being unnecessarily obnoxious and stirring up drama in front of a national audience, and now we’re going to diss Nicky for doing the exact opposite? I may lose my official gossip blogger card for this, but I call bullshit. No, she’s not particularly funny (at least not on purpose), but she’s never claimed to be. You’re alright in my book tonight, Nicky.

• Kendra Wilkinson, Hugh Hefner’s adorable and beautiful girlfriend (no joke! I love her! I love all of them!), was super psyched to appear in her first rap video (okay that’s where my connection with her begins to fade), but her day was ruined when Eminem poured a bottle of water all over her. I have a feeling there’s a lot more to this story, but Kendra is so much fun to watch on Girls Next Door, and she seems like a genuine, sweet person, so I’m just going to link you to the email she sent to MediaTakeOut and let you draw your own conclusions.
• Paris Hilton’s rookie album sells a mere 75,000 copies in its first week, and projections put it at 30,000 for next week. I’ve made a chart:

  

  Are you familiar with the term “asymptote,” Paris? I wrote some code to calculate when, at this rate, your album would go platinum, and it slowed down processing on my computer for a solid five minutes before I stopped it. For comparison, Mrs. Jordan Bratman’s album debuted this week and sold 320,000 copies. Industry-speak for this sort of thing is “flop.” Nicole Richie plans to celebrate by eating the other half of that apple slice.

• John Mayer and Jessica Simpson? I’m concerned; I always end up rolling my eyes whenever I hear either of them speak. This could make me really dizzy.
• How cute are Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy? Sooooo cute.

Notable Amazon.com album rankings from today:

1. Christina Aguilera, Back to Basics [I LOVE YOU XTINA!]
2. Danity Kane, Danity Kane [Yup, that's Diddy's all-girl group from yet another interminable cycle of Making the Band. Today, as the title says, we are putting things in perpective.]
…
7. Dixie Chicks, Taking the Long Way [Didn't that one lead singer chick say something mean about Texas? Or the Pope? It was something like that.]
…
10. Clay Aiken, A Thousand Different Ways [insert multiple-penetration joke here]
…
12. Justin Timberlake, FutureSex/LoveSounds [tell us again about those talentless AmIdol hacks, JT, and do it without using any spaces!]
…
24. Kidz Bop, Vol. 10
…
28. High School Musical [Amazon has Ashley Tisdale listed as the artist, but I refuse to condone that here.]
…
32. Cheetah Girls 2 Original Soundtrack [even better than the first Cheetah Girls soundtrack!]

and at #33:
Paris Hilton, Paris.

To her credit, she’s been climbing this chart all day, but when your album’s stalling out three times as far down as Clay Aiken on pre-order, something didn’t go exactly to plan.

If it makes you feel any better, Paris, Jessica Simpson’s A Public Affair promises to remain comparatively private, hanging out at the #75 position this afternoon.