We know we can sing and we know she can drink … but can she act?

We’ll find out, although I secretly think I already know the answer. (No.)

Christina’s been cast as the lead in Burlesque, a contemporary musical about an ambitious small-town girl with a big voice who finds love, family and success in a Los Angeles neo-burlesque club.

“I couldn’t be more excited, as this was a project written with her in mind,” says the head of Screen Gems, the studio producing the film.

Someone wrote a film with Christina Aguilera in mind as the lead? Even though she has absolutely no prior acting credits?

This oughtta be good.

Okay, this isn’t really a “blind item” so much as it’s an “if-you-haven’t-noticed-this-yet-you’re-blind” item, but I saw it in Gatecrasher today and it caught my attention:

Which starlet’s constant state of inebriation is causing problems in her marriage? Her hubby hates having to physically remove her from nightclubs.

I’m gonna go with Christina Aguilera hands-down here. I was actually wondering how long it would take for this sort of rumor to surface. We see photo after photo of Christina’s drunk ass stumbling out of a club, makeup smeared and eyes half-shut, poor Jordan Bratman practically carrying her. What guy wants to deal with the 28-year-old mother of his child pulling that crap every week? It was just a matter of time before it started causing problems. Xtina needs to get that shiz in check.

By the way, we’ve got an interesting article over on Zelda Lily today about how women think men want them to drink way more than men actually want them to drink. You can check it out and add your comment here.

Am I the only person left on the planet who can’t still tell these two bitches apart?

You are all pretty shrewd celebustalkers so I’m sure it’s quite obvious to you, but I had to really stare before even venturing a guess.

(more…)

Perez Hilton held his 31st birthday party yesterday at the Viper Room nightclub in West Hollywood. For someone who talks a lot of trash about celebrities, making juvenile comments about their love lives and appearances, a lot of them showed up at his party. This means that I can still hold out hope that Clive Owen will turn up at my 31st birthday party, no matter how big of a bitch I am on this blog.

Paris Hilton & boyfriend Doug Reinhardt, Amanda Bynes, Steve-O, and a very different looking Ashley Tisdale (holding hands with a lady friend) were in attendance, amongst others. The Jonas Brothers “rushed over” from the Kid’s Choice awards to sing Happy Birthday, and Christina Aguilera did her best Marilyn Monroe impression of a breathy “Happy Birthday Mr. Perez-ident.”

“I’m not thrilled with the number 31,” Hilton, whose real name is Mario Lavandeira, said on the pink carpet in front of the Viper Room nightclub. “But I am super excited that, right now, I’m happier in my life than I ever have been before.”

Hilton bragged that the first gift he received was from “High School Musical” heartthrob Zac Efron.

“He sent me a bottle of champagne to my hotel room, which made me squeal like a little school girl,” he gushed.

Party attendee Paris Hilton seems to have contracted Victoria Beckham’s “Every Day I Look More and More Like a Robot” disease. Note the cut on boyfriend Reinhardt’s lip, a souvenir of Friday night’s scuffle with a bodyguard at Fontainebleau.

 

 

What the hell has Christina Aguilera done to herself?  She’s been looking different for a while and I was chalking it up to having had a baby recently.  Because sometimes women just look different after being pregnant.  Debra Messing and Leah Remini for example.  Never.  Looked.  The same.  I don’t even want to tell you what hell pregnancy inflicted on my waist-to-hip-ratio.  But in Christina’s case, this has to be surgical since babies don’t come out of your face and hers is changed.

Top picture is from two years ago (and I’m trying not to focus on the patch of missing foundation right at her hairline), bottom picture is from yesterday at the launch of her perfume Inspire.  Yes, yet another celebrity fragrance.  But I must not let this distract me from the issue at hand.  And spare me from all the “zOMG why u b such a hater?” emails.  I love Christina Aguilera and I’ve always thought she was stunning.  Why do people mess with their beauty?  Today, she no longer looks like Christina Aguilera.  And I want to know why.  Her nasal bone seems thinner?  I don’t know…I can’t put my finger on it.  Chin implant?  Ack!  Help me people! 

This is essentially breaking news, because I don’t know that it’s ever happened before.

The dress is quite nice, and her makeup is relatively subdued, and she looks — dare I say it? — pretty. What could have inspired her to look like a normal human being for once?

My one complaint: Why is she wearing that lunch lady hair net??? Ew. Was that really the only way to get all her hair extensions away from her dumb-ass neck tat? Seriously, who tattoos their own damn name on their neck? That’s some Paris Hilton self-absorption right there. I mean, really, is it your way of being absolutely sure that your husband calls out the right name when he’s doing you from behind? Because I’m not sure he’s actually tall enough to see it anyway.

Here’s more pics of XXXtina at the Grammy nominations concert.

America’s sweetheart turns 16 years old today.  Doesn’t it seem like she’s been turning 16 forever?  Like closing Disney so 7,000 people could celebrate her big day wasn’t enough.  They better not roll out a cake for her tonight when she performs at the American Music Awards.

Here is Miley arriving at the AMAs looking totally age appropriate. 

I’m sure Beet will have plenty of coverage on the AMAs tomorrow but here are a few of my random thoughts on the first arrivals:

Christina Aguilera, seriously, what has happened to you?  It’s like your face totally changed when you got pregnant and it never returned to its original state.  I realize part of it is just a normal maturing but something looks…off. 

As off as seeing Pink as she appears tonight.  She gets a lot of criticism so I give her credit for wearing such a feminine.  I think she’s damned if she does or doesn’t; I just never imagined I’d feel so uncomfortable actually witnessing her in an evening gown and nose ring.

I had to look up who the hell Shailene Woodley was.  I guess she stars on some show called The Secret Life of an American Teenager.  You’ll know her better as the chick wearing flower pots on her feet.

Toccara has been looking good.  And by good I mean like a drag queen.

I’m unnaturally distracted by Dancing With The Starsjudge Carrie Ann Inaba.  Is she missing a set of eyelashes on one eye? 

And finally, Ashley Tisdale.  You’re cute, you’re wealthy.  You haven’t been romantically linked to any Jonas brother.  Cheer up…life is good!