By Chris Martin’s own admission, his band Coldplay really isn’t very imaginative.  A few years ago, he admitted to Rolling Stone, “We’re definitely good, but I don’t think you can say we’re that original.  I regard us as being incredibly good plagiarists.”

That quote may end up costing them quite a bit of money in lawsuits.  While I’m at it, let’s review just how many times Coldplay has been accused of stealing other people’s work.

Guitarist Satriani accused the band of stealing chords from his 2004 work “If I Could Fly.”

Creaky Boards alleged that Coldplay heavily borrowed from their aptly titled song, “Songs I Didn’t Write.”

Now Yusuf Islam, better known as Cat Stevens, wants in on the legal action.  He claims that Chris Martin and company have taken material from his “Foreigner Suite” and applied it to their hit, “Viva la Vida.”

Every time I hear about one of these Coldplay plagiarism lawsuits, I think to myself, “Where have I heard this before?”  I’d like to suggest that Chris Martin and his band mates pay a little more attention the next time the same question pops into their heads.

After swearing that they’d never walk a red carpet together, Gwyn and Chris are working on plans to appear together at the Oscars later this month.  And this has truly convinced me that all the “troubled marriage” rumors are false.  Because if you attend awards shows together, that is the number one sign of a strong union.  For real.

I could never be a part of a Hollyweird couple.  How do you think this conversation went?  “Listen, I know we promised we’d never be photographed together, but people are talking about the fact that we’re never on the same continent at the same time.  My publicist was talking to your manager and they feel that we really need to consider doing this project.  Our likability ratings are nil right now.  This could really help us!  Could you stop working on your stupid, fucking GOOP site for one second and talk to me?”

These two never really seem to be a couple except when cranking out biblically named children, but rumors of a rift strengthened last month when Martin was hanging with Brit singer, Aleesha Dixon.  He offered her a ride on his private jet.  I think that’s Britcode for blow job but I’m not sure.

The picture of the happy couple is from 2005.  Aleesha Dixon, just because.

Gwyneth Paltrow and her hubby, Chris Martin, haven’t been seen photographed together in months.

When asked about the rumors of an impending split, Paltrow’s rep said they “are absolutely not true. They have been completely together and barely separated. Chris was with her in Los Angeles during the shooting of ‘Iron Man,’ and then with her in the Hamptons during the summer, and in London for September and October. She’s been in New York for the past week, but he is joining him soon in a few days. This stems from the fact that both Chris and Gwyneth make a deliberate effort not to be photographed together. She does not take him to any events where there will be press - or if she does, they enter separately. It is their policy not to put their relationship out there for public consumption.”

My, my, my.

A simple “not true” would have sufficed, darling.

And, perhaps more pressingly, does anyone care if she is?

Paltrow, that chick who used to be in movies that didn’t suck, is married to Chris Martin, that dude from that band you used to listen to. The couple haven’t been seen together in months, although Gwyneth recently told a fan that “just because he’s not here doesn’t mean we’re divorcing.”

But sources close to Paltrow say she rarely talks about her husband, and, when she does, she is “vague and unenthusiastic.” The couple have two children together, Apple and Moses.