Bjork Requests A Homely Atmosphere
Saturday, November 8th, 2008
The biggest non-celebrities always have the longest list of criteria and most involved riders; their list of must-haves when performing. Meryl Streep’s on set needs document probably reads “If you can get some bagels that would be great but don’t make a special trip.”
Anyway, Bjork’s rider states that she wants a homely backstage area. That should be accomplished easily enough; wall-to-wall mirrors in her dressing room oughta do it. In addition, she has such requests as halfa bottle of Remy Martin and a coat rack with ample hangers. I wonder what would happen if they provided a whole bottle of Remy Martin? Would she go all Johnny Depp hotel room on someone? I can so see that nut bag screaming “What the fuck!? I said 375mls!” Speaking of screaming, her rider also lists a requirement of a bottle of honey. Might try a vat Bjork…though I’m not sure any amount can soothe that cat caught in the wheel of a sedan screech of yours.
Another rider that just left me stunned was Vanessa Hudgen’s. “All cups, glasses, plates, silverware, napkins should be of quality material.” Who the fuck does she think she is? Vanessa, for as long as you are responsible for Sneakernight, which is forevermore, you have no right to be calling the shots on tableware. You should thank the lucky stars above if you get Chinet.
Now, I do love Taylor Swift. But I read the condescending line “Edememe (it’s soy beans…in frozen vegetable section)” and it makes me feel like she, or more likely her manager, needs to double up on the requested cases of, um, “Smart Water.” If you want to request the fancy stuff, learn how to spell it.
Daughtry’s rider just made me sad. Chris, I implore you, please aspire for more in life than Honey Smacks, strawberries with a peel and an existence without spellcheck. Life doesn’t have to be so bleak.
