I’ve been waiting for this story to surface.  Chris Brown and Rihanna have decided to take a break in hopes of getting their minds clear.  I call total bullshit on this.  This isn’t a break, this is called, “Oh shit, if we ever hope to sell another album we better do something,” PR spin.

It explains why they are far apart from each other right now.  Brown is in L.A. working on his music and Rihanna has been in New York visiting friends and being photographed looking completely healthy and fine.

Now, let me tell you how this will unfold:  To the public, they will remain apart and on opposite coasts for a period of time.  When the media attention dies down, they will “reunite” and release a statement interspersed with words like “growth” and “maturity” and “respect” and “healthy.”   Rihanna and Chris will indicate their commitment, not just to each other but to their respective anger management counseling sessions.

Cynical?  Perhaps.  The good news is that nothing would thrill me more than to be wrong regarding this “break” being nothing more than an engineered scam.  Let’s hope these two stay far away from one another for life.

This story comes from The Sun, so normally I’d just laugh and move on.  But a couple things caught my attention about this item.  Firstly, it wasn’t a story about Amy Winehouse, Jade Goody or Kerry Katona…this is huge and unheard of for The Sun.  Secondly, I totally could see this being true.  It just makes sense.

The Sun is reporting that Chris Brown’s lawyers have requested a special hearing to be held next week, in which they will ask that all charges be dropped against Brown.  They claim that this was a two-way, long-since resolved lover’s quarrel.

I don’t know how to break this to The Sun or Mark Geragos, but I don’t think felony charges are dropped when the participants kiss and make up.  They do tend to get dropped when a celebrity is involved, however.

My daughter isn’t feeling well today, so she’s curled up next to me as I attempt to get some work done.  She asked me what I was writing about so I told her.  “Today, I’m writing about how it’s never okay to hit another person.”  She thought about that for a moment and said, “That’s right.  Only hugging, no hitting.  And we shouldn’t spit in each other’s faces or bite each other either.  If people do that, they should have their magic powers taken away from them.”  Attention Chris Brown:  I have a four-year-old I’d like you to meet.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

Producer Polow Da Don said Rihanna and Chris Brown completed a duet earlier this week, but released no other details, said his publicist Laura Wright. “My heart goes out to both Chris and Rihanna for what has happened in the past,” he said. “They are both great artists to work with, and I wish them well.”

I hate that they’re going to get away with this. He’s gonna plead out easy on this court case, since Rihanna won’t testify. They’re gonna have these two release a duet about being so in love like he didn’t kick her ass a few weeks ago. And then everyone’s gonna get so wrapped up in this stupid song that they’re going to forget that he kicked her ass a few weeks ago. And then teenagers (and adults!) everywhere are going to be all like, “Well, I guess it’s occasionally okay when a man beats up his girlfriend. Depends on the circumstances, probably.” And then everything’s just going to be hunky dory until he kills her.

Awesome.

Well, at least he seems to be vaguely aware that he’s in the midst of being prosecuted for domestic violence. That’s a start.

A day after Nickelodeon refused to bow to growing public pressure and remove the felonies-facing artist from its list of nominees, Brown himself has withdrawn his name from consideration for his dual slimey honors.

“Chris very much appreciates the support of his fans and the honor they have paid him in the way of nominations for Favorite Male Singer and Favorite Song,” his spokesman said.

“Unfortunately, the controversy surrounding the incident last month has shifted the focus from the music to whether he should be allowed to be among those nominated.” …

Still, despite the network’s earlier holdout, Nickelodeon now says they “agree with” Brown’s decision to pull out.

“We are confirming that Chris Brown has decided to withdraw his nominations from the Kids’ Choice Awards,” they said in a statement. “We agree with and respect his decision and are looking forward to presenting a great event for our audience.”

Brown’s announcement to withdraw his name from competition also comes in the wake of massive parental backlash against Nickelodeon, with a Twitter group launching a 3,000-signature-strong online petition to ban Brown from the kid-determined awards show.

His departure also comes in the wake of an entry posted to Brown’s MySpace blog earlier this month, urging fans to vote for him for the awards.

Um, yes. Beating your girlfriend to a pulp DOES tend to change public focus. It’s very unfortunate. It could have been less unfortunate had Chris decided to use the tools we teach in pre-kindergarten and use his words. UNFORTUNATELY, he’s too much of a loser douchebag for that.

Thoughts?

I had dinner with a friend last night, and she was like, “Okay, if you’re the publicist for Rihanna or Chris Brown, how do you go about re-introducing them as a couple? After everything that happened?”

I was like, “Ya know, you do it slowly. You send them both out in public separately, probably to a club. Show them acting normal with friends. Then you have them both release singles about nothing romantic — just poppy songs about partying and drinking and dancing. Get the public used to them again as individuals, so they can forget who they’ve become as a couple.”

And it’s beginning, with Rihanna hitting up hotspot Coco de Ville for a belated 21st birthday celebration last night.

Starting around midnight, the “Disturbia” singer was joined by friends, including Bromance bros Frankie Delgado and Taylor Mosher, on their own private patio. She blew out birthday candles atop pink cupcakes and washed down the treats with complimentary champagne.

A source tells E! News that the starlet “looked good, was smiling and laughing in good spirits upon leaving.”

She wore sunglasses as she departed the club around 4 a.m. in a red pickup truck. The source claims her caravan, including the truck, a black SUV and another car, were only followed by a few of the “35-plus paparazzi outside.”

Anyone wanna take bets on how long it’ll be before she and Chris start showing up at events together?

As you all know, the big fight that exploded between Rihanna and Chris Brown was over a text message.  Chris was texting with another woman about hooking up.  Now, we know who the other woman is-and it’s kind of creepy.

According to TMZ, the other half of the texting duo is forty-year-old Tina Davis, Chris Brown’s manager.  There have been rumors that she and Chris had a relationship three years ago when he was sixteen.  Thinking back to the one sixteen-year-old I’ve ever had sex with, why would anyone voluntarily sign up for that shit in their late thirties?

This video is a couple of years old; I originally put it up so we could see this chick in action.  When I watched it, and I really had no intention of watching seven minutes of this former Def Jam A&R exec, I was kind of cracking up.  It’s so funny how it the video shows her trying to be all high-powered with her “This track is too west coast, annoying.  Rewrite!” juxtaposed with footage of her painting her fingernails like a stereotypical ditzy 1950’s secretary.

Hmmm.

Despite the fact that he’s currently up on charges of some serious domestic violence, Nickelodeon is keeping Chris Brown on as a nominee for their Kids Choice Awards.

Brown is nominated for favorite male singer and favorite song for “Kiss Kiss.” He’ll be competing in the latter category with Rihanna, who police say was allegedly punched, bitten and choked by Brown last month.

An online petition asking Nickelodeon to remove Brown and Rihanna as nominees had 2,166 signatures Tuesday. Nick says Brown was nominated for his work as a performer, and kids will decide who wins.

I know that in this country we are innocent until proven guilty, but, still. This is a kids‘ show. Are young ‘uns really going to be able to process the legal minutiae of this situation, or is Nickelodeon just sending a loud and clear message that domestic violence is forgivable if you sell enough albums?

What do you guys think??