Well, I can’t believe I’m about to write these words but apparently Mike Tyson is doling out advice regarding domestic violence.  Feel free to take a moment to let that sink in.

And maybe I’m being overcritical, but there’s something about how he calls women “them” during an interview with MTV that doesn’t sit well with me.  Who ever knew a pronoun could sound offensive?

“You can’t abuse them,” he tells MTV. “It’s really sick what you [can] do. She has a space in your heart and you believe you care about her more than anybody in the world.

“Do I think it’s right to beat up a woman? No — hell no,” he adds. “Have I hit a woman before? Hell yeah. Was I wrong? Hell yeah. I’m a product of that environment. Do I regret ever doing that? Hell yeah. Would I do it again? Never.”

He shared his opinion on the Chris Brown/Rihanna debacle as well:

It’s none of my business, but you know what I say about that? I understand the situation. I understand passion with young kids,” Tyson, 42, tells MTV News.

“My personal opinion about that is, he’s just a baby,” adds the former heavyweight champ, who is the subject of a new documentary, Tyson, out Friday. “He’s just a little baby that don’t know how to handle his emotions when it comes to a woman. And he probably hears this and thinks, ‘I know how to handle my emotions’; we all think we do.

“But the fact [is],” Tyson continues, “you look at this person and you might be crazy in love, but we don’t know how to handle those feelings.”

What could have led Brown to beat Rihanna, 21? Tyson blames a “pimp mentality” that is prevalent among young people. “Now you’re a fly guy and a cool guy [you think] … you have to be hard like that,” he says.

Listen, I’m happy anytime a celeb takes a stand against domestic violence.  In some ways, it’s even more meaningful coming out of Mike Tyson’s mouth since he’s had a penchant in the past for punching women in the mouth and has a rap sheet the length of my inseam to prove it.  But why the excuses?  Why does it have to be about “pimp mentality” and youth?  Why can’t it just be totally effing unacceptable?

Source is everything.  If Star was reporting this, I’d be totally dismissive.  But paparazzi agency Bauer-Griffin, the people who make it their life to stalk celebrities, claim that Rihanna and Chris Brown spent the night together last week.

Shortly after arriving back to L.A. from Kansas… Rihanna went house mansion-hunting in the Hollywood Hills. The singer checked out several properties (many of which were in the $5 million price range).

Meeeeeeanwhile, Chris Brown had been holed up in the swanky Sofitel Hotel. But, Chris checked out to spend the night at Rihanna’s. Before heading her way, he hopped across the street to the Beverly Center where he picked up some Godiva chocolates.

Well, well, well.  On March 18th, 2009 at approximately 5:42 a.m. PST, didn’t I say that this break up story was a bunch of BS purposely crafted in hopes of saving the shreds of their compromised careers?  I.  Think.  I.  Did.

Check out this track by a group of Chicago DJs who are now referring to themselves as the Jump Smokers.

Basically, it suggests, in no uncertain terms, that Chris Brown should “get his ass kicked” or, ya know, just hang himself. It’s catching on. I kind of love it.

Meanwhile, “friends” of Chris Brown are saying he’s become increasingly depressed and drinking a lot. A source tells X17, “Chris is a mess. He lost a lot of weight, about 15 lbs. I do know that Chris is also in a depression and is drinking a lot. He almost got his butt kicked about a week ago.”

Whatever. If you heard it on X17, it must be true, right? No. This is all a part of the Chris Brown publicity machine. They’re trying to make us feel sorry for him so his career isn’t DOA after all this shit. Don’t buy into it, folks. Does this guy look depressed?

Holy crap!

Everyone expected that he’d cop a deal by now, but no! Chris Brown has plead not guilty to two felonies — assault and making criminal threats.

However, sources say that Brown’s attorney and the prosecutor are currently in heated plea negotiations. So likely there will be a plea before any of this goes to trial.

As for Rihanna? Her lawyer spoke to reporters after the hearing to say that Rihanna wants this resolved as quickly as possible — meaning, basically, that she’d like Chris to plead out as well.

And as for Wendie? She owes you guys 200 words on why Mischa Barton is amazing.

Chris Brown’s arraignment has been bumped from this morning until this afternoon.  I’m really happy about this development as I won’t be around when we all learn that Brown’s attorneys have cut a deal with the prosecutor that basically equates to a misdemeanor with no jail time for beating the hell out of his girlfriend, Rihanna.  Be assured, no matter what, I will continue to get as much mileage as possible out of this picture.

Want to know how confident I’m feeling about this plea deal?  This is what I’m willing to do:  If this case ends up being sent to trial, I will write one, positive and complimentary, two hundred words or more, piece on Mischa Barton, tomorrow.

Stay tuned.  And Christ, I hope this goes the way I suspect.

I was really surprised when Chris Brown and Rihanna got back together after he assaulted her.  I was not surprised by their fake break-up this week.  Now, Star Magazine is reporting that Chris and Rihanna made a sex tape that Brown is in possession of.  Of course.  This would explain why Rihanna had to stay with him post-abuse.  Not because she has no self-esteem.  It was all because she feared the tape, that I will go out on a limb and say doesn’t even exist, being released.

Let me be very clear.  I would personally host a screening of footage of me giving a blow job to Carrot Top, and invite my grandparents, if my only alternative was being beat up by a man.  In conclusion, there is no sex tape.  They aren’t broken up.  Rihanna is working hard to hold onto her endorsement deals.

I find the whole thing disgusting.  And please-before we deal with a barrage of “You can’t judge, you don’t know what Rihanna’s going through,” comments, yes-actually, I do.  I am here to tell you that abuse fucks with your mind.  It can make you question everything you ever thought you knew about yourself.  You can be one of those I Will Never Let A Man Hit Me women, and turn around one day to find that you are that woman-battered.  But guess what?  If you have the capacity to identify right from wrong, you must leave.  Find a way.  There are options even when it seems that there are none.  It’s so hard, feels so overwhelming.  It.  Still.  Must.  Be.  Done.

Thanks to Kevin!

I suppose this was just a matter of time. The kids over at DoSomething.org have released a video re-enactment of the violence that took place between Chris Brown and Rihanna on that fateful Grammy eve, based on the detective’s notes. To be fair, it’s nowhere near as cheesy as it could have been.

To help raise awareness about teen dating abuse, DoSomething is giving away a free set of three bracelets — one blue, two black, to demonstrate that one in three teens is the victim of dating violence. You can order yours here.

And while I certainly commend anyone for doing anything to speak out against domestic violence, the most powerful action you can take here is to end a relationship the very first time your significant other shows signs of violence or emotional abuse. Don’t put up with that shit, not ever. You’re worth more than that.