How many different hotels do you think there are in New York City?  I don’t know the exact number, but I think we can all agree that there are quite a few.  So, why in the world did Rihanna and Chris Brown — the two who aren’t supposed to be within 50 yards of one another — both stay at the Trump International Hotel & Tower this weekend?

The two singers checked into separate rooms on Friday.  They then spent the next two days coming and going in separate cars.  Saturday evening, Brown checked out, once he realized the press caught on reportedly once he realized Rihanna was staying at the same hotel.  If he did violate the restraining order, it would void his probation and he would be charged with misdemeanor (sigh) assault.  Mark Geragos, Brown’s attorney, was asked about Chris’ whereabouts.  He replied, ”I don’t want to be quoted on something hypothetical.”

I’ve had suspicions that these two would eventually get back together.  I am still hoping that I’m wrong.  Please, God.

Well, kids, here you have it. Nearly six months after the fact, a video apology from Chris Brown for kicking the shit out of Rihanna. He asks and prays for your forgiveness.

Thoughts?

Chris Brown dodged jail for beating up Rihanna.  Instead of learning his lesson and trying to live a somewhat drama-free life, he spent Saturday night making out with Kanye West’s on-again, off-again girlfriend Amber Rose.  

Don Juan Chris, 20, arrived at Sean Combs’ and Ashton Kutcher’s party with his Rihanna look-alike on his arm, but eventually ditched her in favor of a public make out session with Kanye’s 26-year-old woman.  What, I beg of you, what is the appeal of this man boy? 

Make no mistake about it, this will be resolved by Chris punching Kanye in the face and Kanye sending ALL-CAP EMAILS to Chris.

This debuted on L.A. radio Friday morning.

I’d like to write something about it, but I’m too busy deciding whether to laugh or vomit. So I’ll just let the song’s lyrics speak for themselves.

“The world is Michael Jackson.
I’m Michael Jackson.
You’re Michael Jackson.
We all Michael Jackson.”

< Insert vocal track of Chris Brown singing about some angels crying >

And I’m not sure, but at about 1:08 I think The Game is confessing that both he and Usher were molested.

As part of his sentencing, Chris Brown was ordered not to come within 50 yards of Rihanna. But both Rihanna and Brown reportedly want to nix that part of the punishment.

“They think it’s unnecessary and ridiculous,” told a common friend of the protection order that was given at this week’s criminal proceeding….“After [the proceeding], Ri and Chris talked on the phone for almost an hour and really worked at becoming friends. They’re solid now.”

But the two are unable to speak in public to one another… The order of protection gives Brown flexibility at music-industry events, instructing that he cannot come within 10 yards of the Umbrella singer.

Let’s not forget that the petulant pugilist (a.k.a. Chris Brown, a.k.a. fart-head) has a song coming out on his new album entitled “Not My Fault” that is supposedly about a female “singer” who gets “caught up” in a relationship with Brown that goes awry and ends up in the papers– “caught up” being the new, hip street slang for “I have a tiny penis and an anger problem and brutally assaulted my girlfriend.”

The album also reportedly features a duet with hypocritical sack of lies Mary J. Blige, who has suffered domestic abuse in the past.

This whole carnival of stupidity drives me up the wall. You’ve got a music industry whose acceptance of Brown borders on condoning domestic violence,  music stars who continue to work with and defend him, and  a victim who won’t stand up for herself.

Surely, you remember when I was so convinced that Chris Brown was going to get a plea bargain out of this whole Rihanna assault case?  I was confident enough that I said I’d write a 200-word essay on positive things about Mischa Barton if it didn’t happen.  Well, the deal never materialized and I wrote the gut-wrenching piece.  Now, just today, Chris Brown pled the case out.  So, I was right all along that Brown would never pay any real consequences for bashing his girlfriend in the face.  Brown will be on five years of probation and 180 days in a labor diversion program.

What do I get?  I can’t take back the Mischa piece.  Shouldn’t there be some sort of compensation for all the unnecessary pain and suffering I went through?  Perhaps an Everything Bradley Cooper photo gallery.  Hmmm…I deserve something.

There’s been a rumor floating around for a while — ironically, started shortly after the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna abuse deal — that there is a Rihanna sex tape that would eventually hit the Internet.

A very short trailer is on YouTube with a promise of more footage to be released on June 22nd.  June 22nd happens to be the same day that Rihanna will be appearing in court, prepared to testify against her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown, also known as the guy that I’m sure isn’t involved in any way in the release of this tape.  Oh, the irony. 

The short clip is after the jump.  I have no idea if it’s SFW.  The music is bad, the lighting is green and the purported singer has text over her face.  You be the judge.

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