I swear, anytime an event involves an art museum, the dresses are uh-MAY-zing. It’s like being around art inspires people to look artistic. Whenever I see on the photo services that there was some manner of art event — in this case, MOCA’s 30th anniversary in LA — I just get SO EXCITED to see all the dresses. This event was no exception. Everyone — even the usually atrocious Chloe Sevigny — looked adorable and glamorous. OK, one exception: Sandra Oh, who I think was running late for her Pirates of Penzance audition.

A couple of things here:  Obviously, just what the hell does Chloe Sevigny think she’s wearing?  Ankle boots, patchy tanner and cut offs — really Chloe?

Secondly, Chloe wore this charming little gem while hosting the Launch of the Nightlife Preservation Community.  I Googled this organization to see what it was all about.  I thought it had something to do with protecting endangered nocturnal animals or something like that.  Alas, this group is dedicated to a different type of philanthropy…preserving nightclubs.

From their website:

Restaurants, bars and nightclubs are being threatened by special interest groups and unjust and unproductive laws that promote an anti-nightlife atmosphere. Whether you work in the industry or reap its benefits, NPC needs your help to keep New York City culture and nightlife alive.

As a nightlife preservationist, you will have access to important information about political candidates who support and understand the importance of a vibrant New York City restaurant, bar and nightlife economy. We need your support before the “city that never sleeps” turns into just another sprawling bedroom community.

Yes, suburbia must be rallied against at all cost!  There are too many jobs to be lost if New York City starts erecting condos and Targets.

It’s Chloe Sevigny … in a bikini!

I don’t know what I expected Chloe to wear to the beach — maybe a long skirt made of palm fronds and a chainmail tank top? — but it certainly wasn’t anything this normal.

She actually looks healthy and happy and maybe even likable here. I’m not sure what to do with this. Very strange.

In Miami Beach this weekend.

At the Primetime Creative Arts Emmys in LA.

Eh, maybe, maybe not.

Chloe Sevigny showed up on the red carpet for the LA premiere of Generation Kill holding hands with actor James Ransone.

A budding romance?

Or a dumb publicity stunt?

Regardless, Chloe looks slightly less than totally ridiculous in whatever she’s wearing, and I’m just grateful for that.

Chloe Sevigny takes a break from being the Gold Standard of Fashion to attend some manner of sporting event and, ya know, eat popcorn.

I don’t think I have to reiterate how much I hate Chloe Sevigny’s sense of “style.”

Here’s how I feel about Chloe’s ensemble choices: you know how, when you’re really sad, those “deep” people in your life are all like, “Look, you need to feel sadness every now and then. If you didn’t feel sadness, you’d never appreciate happiness. Sadness is a blessing.” And you want to fucking smack those people across their smug little faces and be like “That is such bullshit. Couldn’t I just feel fine the rest of the time? I’d still appreciate happiness, wouldn’t I? I’d just move seamlessly between the realms of A-OK and fucking elated, and I’d notice the difference, and appreciate it just fine, and I’d never be sad. You didn’t think that far ahead, did you, Buddha? So why don’t you be helpful by packing the bowl and then meditating somewhere far away?”

Okay, I know that didn’t make sense.

But I feel like Chloe sees herself as the anti-fashion. Like, if we didn’t have Chloe to showcase everything that could possibly be awful about fashion, how could we appreciate good fashion?

We’d be just fine, Chloe. Just fine.

Anyway.

Everything about this outfit makes me feel itchy. It hurts me just to look at her.

Are those shorts?

Are they, Chloe?

Are you just running out of ways to be weird?

Chloe Sevigny wore a lovely pair of shorts to the opening of Pygmalion on Broadway on Thursday night.

I think we need to help Chloe out here. Does anyone have suggestions for her?

What if you showed up to your next event with a boa constrictor wrapped around your neck? Too Britney Spears? Have you considered wearing scrubs? I hear Katherine Heigl has her own line of them now. What if you wore a bikini as underwear? Still too Britney Spears? Purple lipstick? Pleather? I dunno, Chloe, but please never wear those shorts again, dear.

What? It’s fashion, people.

God, I love Chloe Sevigny. Seriously, if things don’t work out with me and Jaslene, I’d give her a shot.