Finally!  Miss California USA Carrie Prejean has been axed from her post.  Unfortunately, the biblical beauty didn’t get fired for making exclusionary comments against the LGBT community.  Turns out, she was just rude and lazy.

The official statement that Donald Trump just made, explains that it really had nothing to do with her religious convictions, just her inability to fulfill her duties:  “I told Carrie she needed to get back to work and honor her contract with the Miss California Organization and I gave her the opportunity to do so.  Unfortunately it just doesn’t look like it is going to happen and I offered Keith my full support in making this decision.”  The “Keith” that Trump mentions is Keith Lewis, head honcho of the company that produces the Miss California USA pageant.

I’m no corporate raider, but perhaps her termination also had something to do with nasty emails that she sent to pageant officials.  TMZ reports that Prejean had a lot of animosity toward the board that approved other appearances that she wanted to participate in.  “You do not cooperate with me, and you pick and chose [sic] the the [sic] things YOU want me to do. That is not happening anymore. Stop speaking for me. I have MY own voice.”  Prejean has yet to learn a most valuable lesson:  When you’re acting like a biznacho, you don’t do it on tape and you don’t put it in writing.  Unless you have a job like mine, at which point all bets are off.

Well, well, well.  I guess another part of the way Carrie was raised was to act like a big, fat wench.  I’m so thrilled that she’s been dethroned.  I figure we won’t hear from her again — until the 2011 season of “I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here,” that is.

Just when you thought you were finally free from Miss USA California Carrie Prejean stories, I sadly regret to inform you that there is more to tell.

Recap:  Miss California admitted that she didn’t support gay marriage because that wasn’t how she was raised.  Oh, and there was that ugly incident where it was being reported that she was dating Michael Phelps.  Thank goodness that wasn’t true because I thought Beet was going to self-implode.  Prejean also denied ever having naked pictures taken of her.  Naked pictures of Prejean surfaced.  She dismissed pics by stating that they were from years previous and that it was a one-time thing.  Then we learned that the pictures were taken recently and that there were more than a couple in existence.  The next bombshell revealed was that she had fake boobs (paid for by the Miss California pageant).  She got to keep her crown despite the lying.  Let’s see — have I missed any scandals regarding this chick?

There were rumblings that both of Prejean’s parents levied accusations of homosexuality against the other during their ugly divorce battle in 1996.  I never put much stock in those stories because lots of people get nuts when dividing marital assets.  But now a woman has stepped forward claiming to be the ex-lesbian lover of Carrie Prejean’s mother.

Valerie Vetrano, a sales rep from California, says that she had a relationship with Prejean’s mom, Francine Coppola.  She doesn’t offer up much in the way of details except to say that they split about two weeks before the USA pageant.

So, what’s Carrie Prejean’s deal?  She seems to have a relationship with her mother.  Does she just not support her lifestyle?  Or is she okay with her mom being gay as long as marriage isn’t part of the plan?  More questions.  And I suspect, more stories on this girl whose fifteen minutes should have been up so very long ago.

Hey, remember Katie Rees, the Miss Nevada 2006 who lost her crown after some sexy-style photos of her surfaced? And then was later arrested for assaulting a police officer? Well, she’s kind of annoyed that Carrie Prejean got to keep her crown and she didn’t.

“An accurate word to describe me is irate,” she said. “No matter what the stipulations are with the pictures, if you’re semi-nude, you’re semi-nude and it says so in the contract. Prejean broke the contact … she should’ve had her crown taken away just like mine … for her crown not to be taken away is absolutely outrageous. The fact is Carrie purposely posed nude for these pictures… I did not. I was a teenager who accidentally was out having a good time with her girlfriends and was unguarded. Tara Conner broke her contract for drug use… These girls get to keep their crown and I’m the one who’s exploited. I just wonder if Mr. Trump knows what he put me through — what I’ve gone through these past two years.”

Well, for starters, Katie’s right. There’s definitely a double standard in place here, and at the heart of it, it’s all about the pageant getting attention and ratings. These girls are just pawns — albeit pawns who went into this voluntarily. Katie says she’s speaking with her lawyer about it now, which I guess makes sense, but something tells me that the last thing this girl needs is to encourage her anger. Maybe consider accepting it and moving on, Katie? Before you try to beat up another cop?

Oh, and if you haven’t heard Carrie Prejean’s little speech this morning, it’s below. I got to the part where she thanks the Miss California organization “for their support, thus forward. ‘Thus forward’ is totally the new ’such as.’ Seriously that was like 15 seconds in and I couldn’t watch it any further. Why would anyone care what this woman thinks about anything? She barely speaks her primary language!

Rather than making these girls answer questions about the legitimacy of same-sex marriage, maybe next year we could just have a spelling bee? I’d so watch that.

I’d like to propose that, for all future pageants on a national level, the contestants be judged solely on their looks.  Talent, ability to answer questions in an intelligent fashion and ethics have no bearing on the verdict.

After Miss California Carrie Prejean has lied over and over again about nude pictures taken of her, stating that it was “only one time” and that they were taken when she was a teenager (turns out there was more than one photo session and they were taken this year.) she’ll be keeping her crown.

Donald Trump has stated that “if her beauty were not so great, no one would care.”  Ah, what a wonderful lesson to impart upon our youth.  Honesty doesn’t matter when you’re totally hot.  Period.

Hopefully, this is the end of all Carrie Prejean stories.  I suspect it isn’t, but it’s nice to have a dream.

The Co-Directors of the Miss California U.S.A. pageant will hold a press conference on Monday to announce the fate of Carrie Prejean, whose tiara has been put in jeopardy due to possible contract violations stemming from public appearances she made with opponents of same-sex marriage and some undisclosed topless underwear ads she made as a teen.

The first runner up in the Miss California pageant will be present at the press conference, if that gives you any sort of hint as to which way this is going to go. Donald Trump has scheduled a press conference for later in the day, when he will talk about the controversy and gross everyone out with his disgusting, perpetually puckered butthole lips.

Even later in the day, the world will hold its own press conference to announce that everyone can now return to their normal state of  not giving a crap about the Miss U.S.A. pageant.

Listen, I am a nobody.  I’m not famous, I’m not even notable.  And guess what?  There are no topless photos of me wandering around on the internet.  Why?  Because they inevitably surface.  Remember ladies:  Nips are never a Kodak moment.

The newest in the long line of Miss California’s woes, Christian Carrie Prejean now finds herself in a position of defending pre-surgery, topless photos taken of her when she was “a teenager,” or you know, two years ago.  For someone who is so dedicated to spouting her values, I’m amused by this latest, totally predictable development.

Her titillating statement:

“My comments defending traditional marriage have led to intimidation tactics that seek to undermine my reputation and somehow silence me and my beliefs, as if opinion is only a one-way street.

“I am a Christian, and I am a model. Models pose for pictures, including lingerie and swimwear photos. Recently, photos taken of me as a teenager have been released surreptitiously to a tabloid website that openly mocks me for my Christian faith.

“I am not perfect, and I will never claim to be. But these attacks on me and others who speak in defense of traditional marriage are intolerant and offensive. While we may not agree on every issue, we should show respect for others’ opinions and not try to silence them through vicious and mean-spirited attacks.”

They already had Donald Trump, Perez Hilton, and Miss California herself, but apparently three giant boobs just weren’t enough for the Miss USA pageant, so the pageant decided to pay for two more.

This past Friday on CBS’s The Early Show, a Miss California pageant official confirmed that the organization paid for Carrie Prejean to get breast implants a few weeks before the Miss USA pageant finals.

California pageant Co-director Keith Lewis stated that “We assisted when Carrie came to us and voiced the interest in having the procedure done…We want[ed] to put her in the best possible confidence in order to present herself in the best possible light on a national stage.”

Apparently building “confidence” means undergoing a potentially dangerous and painful surgery to make your tits bigger. Perhaps I could learn a little something from Carrie. I should probably give up on trying to feel good about the body god has given me and opt instead for the sweetest plastic rack money can buy.

If they wanted her to “present herself in the best possible light,” maybe they should have skipped the silicone implants and tried doing a little Q & A practice session instead.

Also, judging by the picture above, I think the Miss California pageant organization might want to demand their money back. The only boob I see in that picture is Carrie Prejean herself.