Ugh. I am so sick of writing about this bitch. I actually put her on a list of people I was NOT going to write about this weekend; a list which also included the Gosselins and the Lohans. But if I don’t write about this new stuff, some douchebag will come up in here all self-righteous talking about how I dropped the ball, and Evilbeet sucks now, and he’s not going to read it any more (except every day so he can comment about how much it sucks). So here you go. Tired of reading about her? Thank that douche.

Radaronline is reporting that a chuckwagon full of new sex tapes and nude Prejean photos have surfaced. All of the sex tapes are solo performances of Prejean dj’ing her own “private” party while the photos are mostly topless pictures she took in a mirror.

There, that’s it. This woman sucks, we all know she sucks, and I can’t think of very much she could do to warrant any further attention. If you can all come to a consensus,  I will promise you won’t ever see another article from me about Carrie Prejean, unless she actually dies on one of my weekends.

The always-accommodating Carrie Prejean staged perhaps the worst attempt at an interview walk-off I’ve ever seen last night on CNN. Larry King keeps asking her why she settled with the Miss California organization — she settled, of course, because they had a video of her masturbating. But she doesn’t want to talk about that, and, although Larry never directly poses a question about it, she claims he’s being “inappropriate” and gently removes her microphone. Then she just whispers off-stage to someone for a good thirty seconds on live national television while Larry has a panic attack and begs her forgiveness. It’s such total weak sauce. I mean, if you’re gonna walk out of an interview, Carrie, do it with some panache. If you had any gay friends, I bet they would have taught you how to make a dramatic exit.

I know you have a book to promote, but maybe stick to the pre-taped interviews if you want to be a whiny bitch about freakin’ everything.

Carrie Prejean — yep, she’s still around — was on Sean Hannity’s show last night to talk about her solo sex tape.  I know the folks at the Miss California pageant are happy that tape exists (a tape of Carrie masturbating for her boyfriend at the time), because about 20 seconds after they showed it to Prejean she dropped her lawsuit.  Ah … the power of a masturbation tape … truly, the power of one.

Anyway, it’s clear that Sean Hannity totally backs up Prejean.  He wrote the forward for her book “Still Standing” and clearly does all he can to take the heat off of her during last night’s interview.

In the meantime, it looks like Jennifer Lopez could be talking about her sex tape soon.  The singer is suing her ex-husband (I know, I know.  Which one?)  Ojani Noa, also known as “The First in the Trilogy” for $10M for violating a 2004 confidentiality agreement that they both signed.  It seems that Noa is in possession of their honeymoon sex tape and is shopping around for a buyer.  The tape — it already has a title of How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story — shows a fight between J.Lo and her mother as well as J.Lo getting spanked.  Kinky girl!  Who knew?  Nobody, until now.

I know you’ve all been laying awake nights waiting for this case to resolve — I know I’ve been tossing and turning every night and crying out “The boobies!  What will become of the boobies?” — and now it has.  Carrie Prejean and the Miss California pageant executives have been embroiled in legal battle for several months over Prejean’s termination from her Miss California post as well as reimbursement for the beauty queen’s enhanced rack.

The pageant claimed that Carrie refused to participate in appearances that were required of her and Carrie claimed that she was fired due to her religious beliefs.  You’ll remember that she caused a stir last spring during the Miss America pageant when she announced to the world that she thought marriage should only be defined as a union between a man and a woman.  In case you missed the memo, that’s a pretty unpopular viewpoint.

Here’s the good news:  The two sides have settled, though the terms were not disclosed.  I reckon that the pageant gave Carrie some sort of payout just to make her shut her mouth and go away.  In addition to a monetary gain, rumor has it that Prejean will have full custody of her implants and the pageant executives will be offered a liberal visitation schedule.

Carrie Prejean, fallen beauty queen, decided to sue the Miss California pageant as she felt she was unjustly fired even though she refused to appear at events that her job required her to attend.  Personally, I think “I don’t wanna” is a perfectly logical and acceptable excuse to not perform your job, though the courts may not see it the same way.

Well now the Miss California pageant officials are fighting back.  In a cross-complaint filed in response to Prejean’s suit, they are looking to be reimbursed the $5,200 they paid for Carrie’s breast augmentation.  Why did I think boobs cost a lot more than that?  Maybe the pageant gets some sort of frequent buyer discount.  Bargain basement boobs.

I bet Ms. Prejean is wishing that she just walked away gracefully with her free bolt-ons instead of opening up this battle that she’s sure to lose.

After lots of idle threats, she’s gone and done it.  Dethroned Miss California Carrie Prejean has filed suit against the pageant claiming that Shanna Moakler and others forced her out based on her religious convictions.

According to pageant officials, the reasons cited for Prejean’s termination had to do with her constant refusal to do any of the required work.  She would be asked to attend appearances, events, openings and would decline.

Prejean just filed the suit in L.A. County Superior Court, accusing Moakler and pageant honcho Keith Lewis of religious discrimination, defamation, public disclosure of private facts, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and negligent infliction of emotional distress.

Prejean was dethroned/fired from her post as Miss California USA back on June 10, nearly two months after she spoke out against gay marriage at the April 19th Miss USA competition. 

Prejean claims the Miss Cali people “conspired to get rid of her” beginning on April 21st — when she said on the “Today” show that she would rather be “biblically correct than politically correct.”

Reps for Miss California USA have previously explained that Carrie was fired for missing appearances she was supposed to make for the organization and for not getting clearance to do extracurricular activities. 

Donald Trump — who owns the Miss Universe Organization — is NOT named in the suit. 

But in her suit, Carrie says the Miss Cali USA people “fabricated a fraudulent list of some 50 public appearances allegedly missed by Prejean which they released to the media in order to justify her termination as Miss California USA.”

In the suit, Carrie claims officials also tried to “set up Prejean to have her dismissed as Miss California USA by asking her to do a Playboy photo shoot for $120,000.”

Geez, guys.  I just really want to apologize.  I thought we were done talking about Carrie until her to-be-expected appearance on some Grade C reality show.  I guess not.

I know we’re all Carrie Prejeaned out; I’m going to try and make this my last piece on the disgraced beauty queen — well, until she’s caught with a high-profile, married politician at Chateau Marmont.

Anyway, I love that the Miss California US Pageant Director is on all the talk shows and on the Internet, being totally candid about what a wench Miss California really was.  He even released an entire email exchange between the two, which you can read here.

And she still thinks she was axed because of the whole gay thing…

Finally!  Miss California USA Carrie Prejean has been axed from her post.  Unfortunately, the biblical beauty didn’t get fired for making exclusionary comments against the LGBT community.  Turns out, she was just rude and lazy.

The official statement that Donald Trump just made, explains that it really had nothing to do with her religious convictions, just her inability to fulfill her duties:  “I told Carrie she needed to get back to work and honor her contract with the Miss California Organization and I gave her the opportunity to do so.  Unfortunately it just doesn’t look like it is going to happen and I offered Keith my full support in making this decision.”  The “Keith” that Trump mentions is Keith Lewis, head honcho of the company that produces the Miss California USA pageant.

I’m no corporate raider, but perhaps her termination also had something to do with nasty emails that she sent to pageant officials.  TMZ reports that Prejean had a lot of animosity toward the board that approved other appearances that she wanted to participate in.  “You do not cooperate with me, and you pick and chose [sic] the the [sic] things YOU want me to do. That is not happening anymore. Stop speaking for me. I have MY own voice.”  Prejean has yet to learn a most valuable lesson:  When you’re acting like a biznacho, you don’t do it on tape and you don’t put it in writing.  Unless you have a job like mine, at which point all bets are off.

Well, well, well.  I guess another part of the way Carrie was raised was to act like a big, fat wench.  I’m so thrilled that she’s been dethroned.  I figure we won’t hear from her again — until the 2011 season of “I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here,” that is.

Just when you thought you were finally free from Miss USA California Carrie Prejean stories, I sadly regret to inform you that there is more to tell.

Recap:  Miss California admitted that she didn’t support gay marriage because that wasn’t how she was raised.  Oh, and there was that ugly incident where it was being reported that she was dating Michael Phelps.  Thank goodness that wasn’t true because I thought Beet was going to self-implode.  Prejean also denied ever having naked pictures taken of her.  Naked pictures of Prejean surfaced.  She dismissed pics by stating that they were from years previous and that it was a one-time thing.  Then we learned that the pictures were taken recently and that there were more than a couple in existence.  The next bombshell revealed was that she had fake boobs (paid for by the Miss California pageant).  She got to keep her crown despite the lying.  Let’s see — have I missed any scandals regarding this chick?

There were rumblings that both of Prejean’s parents levied accusations of homosexuality against the other during their ugly divorce battle in 1996.  I never put much stock in those stories because lots of people get nuts when dividing marital assets.  But now a woman has stepped forward claiming to be the ex-lesbian lover of Carrie Prejean’s mother.

Valerie Vetrano, a sales rep from California, says that she had a relationship with Prejean’s mom, Francine Coppola.  She doesn’t offer up much in the way of details except to say that they split about two weeks before the USA pageant.

So, what’s Carrie Prejean’s deal?  She seems to have a relationship with her mother.  Does she just not support her lifestyle?  Or is she okay with her mom being gay as long as marriage isn’t part of the plan?  More questions.  And I suspect, more stories on this girl whose fifteen minutes should have been up so very long ago.

Hey, remember Katie Rees, the Miss Nevada 2006 who lost her crown after some sexy-style photos of her surfaced? And then was later arrested for assaulting a police officer? Well, she’s kind of annoyed that Carrie Prejean got to keep her crown and she didn’t.

“An accurate word to describe me is irate,” she said. “No matter what the stipulations are with the pictures, if you’re semi-nude, you’re semi-nude and it says so in the contract. Prejean broke the contact … she should’ve had her crown taken away just like mine … for her crown not to be taken away is absolutely outrageous. The fact is Carrie purposely posed nude for these pictures… I did not. I was a teenager who accidentally was out having a good time with her girlfriends and was unguarded. Tara Conner broke her contract for drug use… These girls get to keep their crown and I’m the one who’s exploited. I just wonder if Mr. Trump knows what he put me through — what I’ve gone through these past two years.”

Well, for starters, Katie’s right. There’s definitely a double standard in place here, and at the heart of it, it’s all about the pageant getting attention and ratings. These girls are just pawns — albeit pawns who went into this voluntarily. Katie says she’s speaking with her lawyer about it now, which I guess makes sense, but something tells me that the last thing this girl needs is to encourage her anger. Maybe consider accepting it and moving on, Katie? Before you try to beat up another cop?

Oh, and if you haven’t heard Carrie Prejean’s little speech this morning, it’s below. I got to the part where she thanks the Miss California organization “for their support, thus forward. ‘Thus forward’ is totally the new ’such as.’ Seriously that was like 15 seconds in and I couldn’t watch it any further. Why would anyone care what this woman thinks about anything? She barely speaks her primary language!

Rather than making these girls answer questions about the legitimacy of same-sex marriage, maybe next year we could just have a spelling bee? I’d so watch that.

I’d like to propose that, for all future pageants on a national level, the contestants be judged solely on their looks.  Talent, ability to answer questions in an intelligent fashion and ethics have no bearing on the verdict.

After Miss California Carrie Prejean has lied over and over again about nude pictures taken of her, stating that it was “only one time” and that they were taken when she was a teenager (turns out there was more than one photo session and they were taken this year.) she’ll be keeping her crown.

Donald Trump has stated that “if her beauty were not so great, no one would care.”  Ah, what a wonderful lesson to impart upon our youth.  Honesty doesn’t matter when you’re totally hot.  Period.

Hopefully, this is the end of all Carrie Prejean stories.  I suspect it isn’t, but it’s nice to have a dream.

The Co-Directors of the Miss California U.S.A. pageant will hold a press conference on Monday to announce the fate of Carrie Prejean, whose tiara has been put in jeopardy due to possible contract violations stemming from public appearances she made with opponents of same-sex marriage and some undisclosed topless underwear ads she made as a teen.

The first runner up in the Miss California pageant will be present at the press conference, if that gives you any sort of hint as to which way this is going to go. Donald Trump has scheduled a press conference for later in the day, when he will talk about the controversy and gross everyone out with his disgusting, perpetually puckered butthole lips.

Even later in the day, the world will hold its own press conference to announce that everyone can now return to their normal state of  not giving a crap about the Miss U.S.A. pageant.